Needing someone is so depressing, so horribly hard to live with. Maybe not over time, maybe not when the person turns out to be your lifelong friend. But to me, who's used to cry in the shadows, needing other people to live is a loss by default. It's like drowning on land, suffocation without cause. While I'm lying on the ground, struggling for my life, I see your smile. The very same smile which gave me a reason to struggle now pushes me under a surface which isn't there. The very same smile which gave me hope now mocks me, having found another reason to be. So, I can't be your reason to smile? I can't be a reason at all? Why do I have this need to be important to you? I swim towards the surface, even though heavy chains keep me down. I know the struggle is meaningless, so why do I keep swimming? This feeling have no reason to be, since its owner has equally few reasons to be. And now I'm drowning over the water surface, remembering a smile that I once wanted to be the reasons for existence. My final thought, heavy and painful, are simply a wish to be seen, by the eyes above that smile of yours. I thought I needed you; I wanted to need you after all. However, I need someone else.