A/N: This might be a little confusing so I thought I would let everyone know, this particular work of mine is from the view of a person with multiple personality disorder. Nor, it is a textbook classic case, I would even go so far as to say it's a bit romanticized. One could also look at this as someone who had a horrible life that had quite a few mental breaks and sheared of parts of their personality to stay, relatively, sane. On another note, I am playing with plurals. I use some of them quiet incorrectly I did it to build on the group mind, so to speak, of the character.
In the end I chose to rob you of time. I stole the choice you might make to no longer be mine. I know it is not mine to take and that in doing so I commit a horrible crime. But I don't care and I can not regret because this way I will never be alone. I have succumbed to my fear, due to a constant external force. You are the catalyst of my loneliness and though you shall always have my love you have also earned my hatred. I revel in the blood that cascades from your beautiful body just as I am secure in the knowledge that you, now, belong to me, only to me.
It all started so simply: counseling. Your way of ensuring I had no lingering...issues. Such a simple thing, so infinitely complicated. Ironic, a healing tool used to bring about such utter devastation. They broke us down until only I was left. Do you know how that felt? To slowly lose everyone until I was alone? Do you care? Their deaths have left me in solitude but soon, soon I shall correct this mistake. They want only me, well they have me. Freedom is the prize but not the goal, not for me. You my lover, my darling, my heart, you have wrought destruction in the name of love, for such a gift I claim unending companionship. In your death I will reclaim what was lost.
You are blind and you have only yourself to blame. Age has stolen your sight and society has stolen your faith, your mind. Do you see us or me? Am I him or her? Can I not be both? Must I be shunned for my difference? Having lived a harsh life am I, we, not allowed a few eccentricities? Once upon a time I named you conscience, you who helped me navigate the mired truth of right and wrong but, now, I reject your view. I can not embrace a world, a love, that despises me so. The ragged shape of my truth is sharp and not for the unwary and I will forge it in the blood of my betrayer.
They give us soft lies with harsh truths. They say we are she and she is me. They can not understand. We are she but she doesn't have to be me. They can not comprehend the joypainsecurity that is our existence. They bind us, say we are dangerous. We are forced to listen when they drag us from the depths. They lay siege to our stronghold where the words whisperroar. Sickderangedbrokenhopeless, we have heard them before. We are strong and we fight! We fight for ourselves and vengeance. If we can not threatencoherceseduce our release killing works just as well. And you my cruel love, do you wish us gone? Did you lie when you said you loved us? Do you take the vile exalted lies and proclaim them truth? Hold the lies close then, let them blind you. When we are free and if those lies are made true, I want to rip that veil of joy from you. We will offer the dregs of ourself to show you the error of your ways.
The sound of shattering glass rings in the silence that is our home. She's gone. Where has she gone!? No, no, no, NO! No, we don't believe their truth! But we can not find her, our mother. They have taken our mother. She does not walk the empty halls, her existence has been erased. The first loss in this war. All we are left with is a ghost of echoing words.
There will be no mercy for our captors.
Our brotherlover is taken next. We do not bother to search for him, we know we will not find him. Our rage has changed, grown colder. Our vengeance will be drawn out and painful.
The lies build and build. They wash over us and we let ourselves drown. We try to save ourself and repay lies with lies but they do not, will not believe. Our heart, our once god, has freely given our secrets. They will not stop until we break again and again and again. Three more times they will makes us die. Three more times must we be lessened. When the stone halls of our fortress echo with the steps of one and and the hollow thunder of the dead I will stand in this place of sorrow and my wrath shall break upon the world!
Where do mortals turn when their gods desert them? When the land falls away? And they are barred from heaven?
I will tell you. They stray from the path, lose themselves inside. They let themselves sink and fall into darkness. They choose to fall because it is the only way to hold themselves together. They love death and revel in pain. They are the shattered and broken. They are the Lost, the abandoned. And soon, so very soon I will be one of them.
Our fatherbrother concedes the battle. He does it for us and we are forced to watch as he fades away. A few words are our only relief.
Only two remain. This nightmare house shall witness two more deaths before I am free. My family has been stolen and the shattered fragments of self slip and grate. Now more than ever we cling to our shattered self in this hopeless battle.
The time has come, we attempt to leave this place. We try for the last of our family. We are filled with hope, we long for vengeance. We will go to ground, patience is our ally and shadows our friend. We try to act calm, we are so close, the exit is only a few corridors away. The silence deepens a moment before the alarm blares. The time for stealth is over, only speed and luck can aid us now. The door! There, it's right there! Open! The night flows by and through when we are jolted to a sudden stop. Again! Again we are betrayed! They knew. Here she is with a guard by her side and a disappointed look on her face. And even now my heart falters at the sight. She cups my face and looks deep into our eyes before we are lead away. Look and see what you have wrought, see my love slowly turning to hate, drink in the bitterness of my loss, bleed, as we do, from the sharp edge of despair. A maelstrom is forming with you in the eye of the storm.
Our daughter goes quickly, too tired and broken to care. We lay her on our bed and watch as she goes to sleep on last time. A hug, a kiss, a whispered word. These are the tokens she leaves.
We two are left. My brothertwin, my sisterself. His loss will hurt the most. He is my shadowself. We will truly be torn asunder, too entwined in each other to be anything other than whole together.
The pain rises. The world is drowning in red. Stop, stop, stop, STOP! I won't let him go. A brief respite is granted and we prepare for battle once more. We choose to truly be one, more than we are separate yet less than we are together. We will be a pale echo, an whisper in the dark. We fall into the pain , we sink under the waves of despair, and dare to hope. We become the I that was we and am no longer me. A new existence is born fueled by the rage and sorrow of the old. I will honor the wishes of the dead and repay a broken trust. As one born in bondage I long for freedom. As one considered sane it will soon be in my grasp. But sanity is a matter of perspective and I will keep my promise.
I will do all in my power to retain my freedom as I dance along a knifes edge. I follow my script and the doctors fall in line. I play hard to get with the lover of the Lost Ones, their cruel fallen god. She watches me and follows my cues, it is heady this game. Let her watch, let her see what she has thrown away and shall never touch. I have his cruelty (my shadowtwin, my brotherself) and her rage (my reflection, my motherme) at this betrayal. I feel the ache of loneliness but that will be remedied in time. I will satisfy the whispers that don't exist. Soon I will start my own family.
Hello darling, do you mourn their loss? I can feel the echo of what was and I long for such a thing myself. Of course, I don't know if I'll be able to look outside myself but maybe I'll get lucky. Perhaps I should look for another like me, no I'll look for the Lost they will cling to me and I will soon be we so they will want to join us. Ah, but you are confused now, aren't you? That's fine, in a moment you won't have to worry about anything at all. Running? You truly don't wish to make amends? I offer you a quick death or a terrible chase. Come, come which do you prefer? Answer me! Or I will make the choice for you. Why do you offer silence? Come, my sweet. I will make you mine and you will never leave or betray. A fitting end for one such as you.
I end your mortal coil and consume your soul to end my loneliness. See, I told you it would be quick. I find you beautiful as your hearts blood spreads. I promise I will place your body in a lovely grave where no one will see you rot. We will disappear, we will run from this place of blind trust and stilted obedience. We will be chained by nothing and no one.
I was born of the Lost, my once selves murdered. A sacrifice given and a new life formed. I have tasted the whispering echoes that permeate my consciousness and I have felt the dying thunder of their voice. I crave that multiple self, that feeling of many hands, the sound of we. I have taken the others lover, that once benign god. I have fulfilled my promise and ended my solitude in one move. I am becoming we and soon our family will grow.