It's been quite a while since I last posted something here. So, I wrote this.
Tell me what you think, please :)
The first time I said to someone other than my parents that I loved them; they ran in the opposite direction. It was a huge disappointment, one that I couldn't hide with I'm-okay's or everything's fine's. I cried myself to sleep for weeks before I realized that it wouldn't bring that special someone back. It wouldn't make them love me back. So I just stopped crying, and I just stopped caring. I built iron walls around my heart and swore to never let anyone in. I was told that this was the best protection against heartbreaks.
But it backfired. Just as I kept people away from me; they kept me away from them. I spent a whole year watching them evolving, growing into admirable persons and I knew I wasn't part of their circle. I was different, and it was obvious that they didn't want to have to deal with someone different. After all, we spend our lifetime trying to fit in. I was an outcast. I watched from afar as they laughed and hugged and kissed. I watched from afar as they yelled, cried and broke up. I watched, hoping that maybe one of them would come to ask me to join them for a drink, a cup of coffee, anything. That never happened.
I thought for a while about bringing down my walls, but I found out that it couldn't be done. They were too high, too solid now. I couldn't even find a crack in them. And life continued.
That special someone came back and told me everything I had wanted to hear a year ago. It should have made my heart beat faster but it didn't. It just echoed in my head and I stood there, motionless, expressionless, with a blank face, a poker face. I didn't say a word.
That person was no longer special.
My anger, my hurt… It was all gone. And I surprised myself wishing it were still here. Feeling nothing at all was even worse. That was years ago.
It took me long enough to learn how to feel again. It took even longer to let my emotions show. But I finally felt like myself. I felt alive.
I feel alive.
Today, as I stand in front of the person I know is the love of my life, I let my guard down again. For the second time I say those three words that have the power to either make everything right in the world or destroy my soul forever if they are not returned.
It seems like an eternity—during which my heart beats faster than ever—before I hear that yes, "I love you more than anything in the world. I thought you were never going to admit it."
I swear everything's on fire around me. Every color seems brighter, the sun shines through the rain and there's this unknown warmth that floods into me.
Tonight, as I cry myself to sleep, the tears streaming down my face are not of sadness but of unspeakable joy.
If you've spotted any mistakes feel free to tell me!
I hope you liked it.