So much hurt, so much pain,
Why did you do it? What did you gain?
Hatred in me, always blue,
What had I ever done to you?
I remember myself as a precocious child,
My life was never quiet nor mild,
Life became a living hell!
And I became as a turtle in its shell,
I ran and hid from life and everyone,
Noone allowed in, not even the sun.
I found the deepest, darkest hole,
And in so doing I lost my very soul,
The anguish you caused was deep and great,
All that was left was mistrust and hate,
I was only a child, what could I have done?
This kind of thing shouldn't be felt by anyone!
This violation caused guilt and shame,
From then on, my life was never the same,
I thought in life I had a chance,
Til you brought this ugly circumstance,
You took my innocence, my laughter, my light,
You gave me darkness, gloom, I had to always fight,
You so much bigger and oh so strong,
Do you realize what you'd done was wrong?
I was told to just forget and go on with life,
Can't they understand it only brought me strife.
I blamed mom and them, but more I blamed myself.
I could do nothing except into myself flee,
You robbed me of my confidence and self esteem.
Are you happy? Do you dream?
Are you proud of what you did?
Or deep inside have you hid?
How do I take back my life, my control?
That you so callously stole!
My past does me haunt, But to be a victim I no longer want,
Years of terror and shame must finally end,
To this horror I no longer want to bend,
If it takes me you to forgive,
So with my life I may go on and live
This I do vow, I'll try to carry thru
To myself I'll no longer be untrue!
Written in 1995