THE LOST BOND

For you a child's heart once yearned,

But it seems forever it was to be burned,

No matter how hard I tried,

I never could get you on my side,

First I tried to be good then bad,

But whatever I did, my heart was always sad,

I put on airs and tried to hide

A child's foolish pride!

But way down deep all I did was cry,

Your being proud of me was all I ever wanted,

But no matter what I did, my work was haunted.

Humiliation and degradation is what you flaunted,

Yet my heart went on undaunted.

My head would say go on with life,

But my heart was still so full of strife,

It always seemed my hear was torn in two,

Sometimes happy but always blue,

For no matter what I did, it was never good enough for you!

And as I continued to grow

Between us the animosity flowed,

And no real feeling ever showed.

It's as if fate had never intended,

That our lives would ever be mended

We always seemed to have fought,

Without any regard or any thought,

That maybe we could put our problems aside,

And for once as a family abide,

You always made me feel worthless and no good

That I didn't belong in the family hood.

You treated me harsher than the rest,

You never looked to see if I'd done my best,

And always caused a pain deep withing my chest,

You always in everything I did found fault,

Yet for my dream, my wish, I never called a halt.

As I left and ventured out,

Things got better without a doubt,

With civility we were able to interact,

That atleast was a definite fact.

Things with you I wanted to share,

But you neither wanted to nor even cared.

I always seemed to get the blame,

Whenever you felt we brought you shame,

You always provided for our physical needs,

But never really did give heed,

All the little signs that I tried to give,

That all I needed was your love to live.

No matter what I tried to get your attention,

Nothing worked that is to mention,

I always wished we'd had better relations,

But we were forever on different stations.

We constantly went head to head,

I thought we'd stop when one was dead,

But honestly I must be fair,

Maybe deep down you really did care,

You have you own life to lead,

But my heart will always bleed,

For the lost bond between father and daughter!

Our two hearts can never be sautered,

I was your first yet your last,

Too many things have gone to past,

But the things in the past will remain,

And a father only in name will I gain.

I will always and forever burn

I will always and forever yearn,

For the lost bond between father and daughter!

"He was always my father BUT never my dad!

Written 1993