Scene 1

A hospital ward reception. There is a desk and three doors. One leads into the closet, one into the patients room and one is the main door into the ward which has a buzzer for anyone wishing to enter.

As the scene opens the radio is playing cherish by Madonna in the back ground. The two characters are sat on office swivel chairs behind the desk. The room is lit by fluorescent light and the heart monitor which can be heard from the patients room is beeping periodically.

Ben is moving around on the chair and Mike is completing his paper work.

The door leading to the patience room is held open.

BEN: Mike?


BEN: Do you think our cars will be frozen in the morning?

MIKE: (continues working) Yes maybe

BEN: hmmm

MIKE: (continues working)

BEN: Mike

MIKE: What, what is it?

BEN: uhhh…..


BEN: It's the weasel

MIKE: Don't let him In


BEN: I have to Mike, He won't go away. (Ben gets up and opens the door and returns with a man who is known by everyone as the weasel)

WEASEL: (the weasel starts walking round the room taking stock of hospital supplies, he counts the tacks on the notice board, he check the items in the closet and finally he walks over to the desk and starts counting the pens in front of Mike. Mike continues with his paper work and does not acknowledge him)

WEASEL: ...6,7,8. Anymore in the desk Mike

MIKE: Nope thats your lot.

WEASEL: (the anger is building up inside of him then he calms himself down) There must be more then this, you got two boxes last week. check your draw there must be another box in there.

MIKE: (hardly look up from his work) Can't you see I'm busy.

WEASEL: Were all busy, if you can't be bothered I'll have a look myself (he leans over the front of the desk and begins to open the draw)

MIKE: (mike stops the draw from opening with his hand) No its my draw i'll look. (he looks at the weasel and the weasel steps away. Mike quickly opens and closes the draw) There's nothing there.

WEASEL: You hardly looked

MIKE: I'm telling you there's nothing in there, so please let me carry on with my work

WEASEL: (getting angrier but trying to calm himself) You didn't check properly. you barely opened the draw for a second. You have to let me look, there must be a box of pens missing, (panicking) I cannot complete the stock take without finding them.

MIKE: Wow Wow Wow calm down... take it easy

Small Pause

MIKE: Ben! come over here a minute (he opens the draw) do you see a box of pens in there?

BEN: Nope Mike not a bean

MIKE: (looks at the weasel) Satisfied.

WEASEL: But they can't be gone. Can't be. Are you sure there not there?


BEN: No Pens, I'm afraid we must have gone through a lot this time. Sorry I couldn't help.

MIKE: Don't worry Ben its not your fault I'm the one with the problem

The weasel starts to lose his temper

WEASEL: When I was asked to make a budget for the year I did not budget £400 for pens I just didn't Mike... how did you go thru so many and why do you need those special pens they cost a fortune why not use regular pens?

MIKE: I need them I can't right without them, I have a osteoporoses I told you that. It's a disability.

WEASEL: but that doesn't answer my question...why do you use so many?

MIKE: Its all the reports they make us complete you have to document everything. Even if the patient farts you need to write a report. Its shit but thats what it's like. Red Tape you understand what i'm saying.

WEASEL: but non of the other departments use so many

MIKE: BULL SHIT!. Then their not doing their job properly. This patient needs special care you know that

WEASEL: but the other departments have more patients. Mike your making me look bad, the budget is…

MIKE: I'm sure you will find some way to cut back you always do.

WEASEL: (angry) that's not the point we should not be spending £400 on pens. You don't need special pens...the budget doesn't allow it.

MIKE: Screw the budget and stop wasting my time (returns to completing his report)

WEASEL: Screw the budget...The budget keeps you in the job mister.

MIKE: Ben get him the fuck out of hear, I can't talk to this idiot anymore

BEN: come on mate you've been here long enough. haven't you got work to do (ben starts moving him towards the door) I think there's some loo roll on the 4th floor that needs changing. Nurses in sync and all that.

WEASEL: Mike the department will hear about this you cant keep talking to me in that way. I am an administrator.

MIKE: I have a message for the department (Mike raises his middle finger in his direction)

The weasel walks out and closes the door.

Ben and mike look at each other and burst into laughter.