A World For Someone
(Inspired by the lyrics to the song Ta Ga Tame No Sekai by Akiko Shikata)
The moon shined peacefully down, bathing me in silver light as I stared out over the waves as they slithered upon the sand and back. The sky was dark and the ocean wind blew, shuffling my clothes and hair, blowing thin grains of rock onto my legs and into my eyes. The beauty of the water and cascades was nothing compared to his. Nothing could ever compare to him, but the distraction from the sorrow that held me in a choke hold was good enough. I didn't need anymore thoughts and images to crowd my mind, I already had enough.
I pulled my legs closer to me, tightening my grip while keeping the foaming dark liquid in views at all time.
A whole season had already passed, since I last saw the tree of memories, and I had no intention to go back. It's not that I don't want to... It's just that he would be mad at me, since I have no more tears left to shed for him. They're as dry as the shades of brown that laid around my feet. No more could come, no matter how hard I tried...
The purpling of the sky along the horizon showed that the sun was about to peak up and spread its warm tendrils of light and love to every heart and soul. Accept for mine. My heart refuses it, and I will forever remain cold. As cold as the snow that covered the ground and collected in his hair before he passed, making him look like a pink angel sparkling brighter than the stars could ever dream of.
The sight was just so pretty, it managed to creep into my already cramped mind and settle there.
Images and memories flew across my vision, the more I thought about my long lost friend. At least... he's long lost to me. As my heart is too broken to contain any of him. I shook my head, everything people say about loved deceased is wrong. They aren't always in your heart, because your heart is to empty to contain anything.
I couldn't hold it in anymore. My cries came out, sobs shaking my body, yet no tears came. Only an ever greater feeling of loneliness filling the void inside me.
I have no one without you. Why did you have to go...?
Years and years seemed to pass, quick as a dew drop sliding off a leaf, and in time the hunger pangs started coming, but were droned out by my endless sobs and memories.
He stared up at me, with eyes trembling with pain, his face draining of all color as the shadows strangled him faster than he could register. All sounds seemed to stop, along with the wind. Only the pitiful noises that came out of my mouth as I held him in my arms, watching the last bits of life be sucked out of him, the last bits of his warmth fading while his soul retreated away. As far away from me as it could possibly get, saying "I don't love you, because you allowed this to happen," over and over again.
I could swear I could hear those words echo around me, swirl about and laugh at me. At my foolishness. The voice and laughter was so real, like he was whispering it into my ears.
Giving a huff amusement, I glanced up at the sky, watching as the purple spread even further, soon being replaced by yellow and orange hues. The dark navy sky was fading, chased away by rays of false hope and ice. Nothing that would make me happy. If anything could make me happy...
That's when I heard the sound again.
"I don't love you, because you allowed this to happen," there was a soft, short chuckle afterward.
My arms loosened and I straightened up a little, my eyes traveling around the deserted beach.
"You can't possible believe I would say something like that."
A slight warmness wrapped itself around me and it made me tense up, eyes opening wide.
"You should know me better than that."
I could almost imagine him sitting right beside me, leaning on my shoulder, a childish expression written all over his face. So round and smooth...
"You know. Everyone feels like this. Everyone feels pain and sorrow."
My head drooped a little, and I straightened my legs out fully, resting my hands down to the sand, the grains draining out of my tight grip.
"The only reason why it's affecting you more than others is because you keep it locked up inside you."
I stayed silent, yet I wanted to reply.
"So, how about you just let me go? Or, at least, let the grief and regret go and keep me."
I could picture him smiling as he spoke, and taking his weight off of my shoulder to look at me. His eyes the color of the moon's light, yet warmer.
"Just break open the door of grief and advance. There is no need to linger in the past," he gave a laugh, "since that doesn't seem to be working for you."
How could I do that, when images of my friend kept appearing in front of me? How could I get rid of my sorrow, when there it nothing left to fill its place? How can I try to be a dove, when I'm a crow? Nothing works that way. Just like nothing can take his place in my mind, unless I want to feel numb and live without emotion.
"Just accept your loss, and my loss. Accept your lies and my lies, your truths and my truths. Accept it all. Including all the betrayal and sins we have both lived through. Get rid of them for both of us."
Again, how can I? If I accept them... I'll just collapse, with nothing inside to hold me up...
"They are like dreams, they will always exist, but they can always be forgotten. You won't collapse. I promise. No matter how much you believe so. You won't."
Yeah, right... I sighed and brought my legs in once more, looking over the horizon as the tip of the sun started to peek above the rounded line. Its light was a milky gray, that froze me even further. Froze all of my emotions inside to never escape.
There was a long pause, and the voice didn't continue for some time. But I could still feel his presence beside me, something that felt like a faint thread of hope. Maybe I could do this... Like he said.
If only I could accept everything. This might not be so hard if I could. It wouldn't be so hard to live on and deal with my life and the loneliness in it.
"If this is a world made for someone. That someone is you."
Those words jerked me, and I looked to my side. I could almost see him there, just a faint outline of my friend. A seemingly distant outline of the one I love.
And, for the first time in a long while, I felt tears build in my eyes and drip to my cheeks. He was there. He was really there...
I smiled, and moved to hug him, to clutch him close to me and never let go.
But my arms felt nothing. There was nothing there.
My gaze moved up to his face, a look of despair and longing flooding my cheeks, and my face.
He was just an hallucination. His body wasn't real.
I could never touch him.
No more can I ever feel his hair or truly see his smile.
"Those who live in sorrow after the fate of another, and those who fight against the pendulum of ruin, someday you will look up at the sky. And one day, may the sound of peace resound."
He smiled for the last time and faded. Faded ever so slowly. Soon his blurred form was blown away in the wind, only to land within the salt water and sink to the bottom.
"No, no. No!"
I crawled over to the ocean and started grabbing the sand, the shells. Anything I could touch. He can't leave! I won't let him. I won't! I won't! I wo-
I stopped suddenly as a soft whisper of wind ran itself through my hair.
"I love you too."