There once was an island resting on the ocean known as 'Ship, a fertile land that grew with bright, green grass and with the most sensational flora. And in that most terrific place, was the most beautiful girl you could ever see. Her hair was perfect, her eyes divine. The sun waited on her radiant smile to rise, and her soft yawn to set. Every day she would wear a neat yellow dress and a wide summer hat with a ribbon on it, and take a walk through the land of 'Ship. She would walk for hours and hours and find something new or wonderful (or both!) each day, so vast and mysterious was the island of 'Ship.

On occasion, she would bring with her a small, wicker basket full of fucks. As she strolled through the vales and hillocks of 'Ship, she would take a fuck from the basket every now and then and eat it, savor it. Oh yes, she enjoyed her fucks, from time to time. But then who didn't?

One day, she was traipsing across the island of 'Ship, when she came upon a place she had never seen before. It was a hill, a steep hill, and at the top of the hill was a wondrous tree. The tree glowed with life and the girl could not help but want for it. So she took her first step on the path to the tree and then another, and so on, up the steep hill, until she had come upon it. There it stood in its great stature and splendor, a tree among shrubs. Just next to the tree lay a stout wooden ladder. The girl knew just what to do with it, and lay it straight up against the tree. Once she was sure it was good and steady, she began to climb the ladder with one hand, the other being occupied by her small, wicker basket of fucks. She climbed, and she climbed to the very last rung of the ladder, and found herself in the canopy of the tree. All around her hung fucks, as far as the eye could see. She reached up and took a bite out of the nearest fuck, and was pleasantly surprised to find how sweet it was. She looked down at her wicker basket of fucks and noticed it was nearly empty. So she set about the slow, but enjoyable work of replenishing her supply of fucks.

She went about her work cheerfully, so that her basket was brimming to the top with fucks just as the sun touched the ocean. As she dropped the last fuck into her basket, she heard a commotion coming from beyond the tree. The girl carefully climbed down the stout ladder and turned a full circle, looking for the direction of the sound. It came once more, louder, and she saw that it was coming from the other side of the hill. Basket in hand, she crept slowly to the very tip-top of the hill. On her last step, just as she was about to crest the hill, she pulled back her foot with a shriek. For on the other side of this hill was not a matching green field, but a grey and rocky cliff. More frightening than that, though, was the boy who seemed to be hanging from the cliff.

"Help!" he cried. The boy wore rectangular glasses and had rich, dark hair. He had on a buttoned grey shirt and black pants.

"Wha-What seems to be the matter?" said the girl. But the boy didn't answer. Concerned, she edged over to the cliff again. Below she saw why he didn't need to. His face was pale, his glasses cracked. That rich, dark hair of his was long and unkempt. His shirt was in tatters, and his pants were faded and ripped from top to bottom. He clung to the cliff by not two hands, but one.

"What can I do to help?" she asked now.

"I need a fuck," the boy said.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I need a fuck!" he yelled. His smallest finger lost its grip, and he frantically tried to regain it, to no avail. "There's a tree with them on this hill, I think!"

"Wh-Why yes there is. I have a basketful of fucks right here," she said.

"Well, give it here then! I just need one!" he said. One more finger gave out, leaving only three to hold him up.

"Oh, I'm quite sorry. I'm afraid I can't," she replied.

"What do you mean you can't?" he asked. His breathing was heavy and labored, like something was caught in his throat.

"It's just as I said," she answered, firmly this time. "I don't, I won't and I cannot give a fuck. Surely you must understand."

"I don't! I don't understand at all..." His voice trailed off on that last word. His eyes looked into hers imploringly, willing them to speak for him.

His arm was tensed, the muscles nearly at their limit. His face was weary with strain and exhaustion. The boy drew in a large breath and said something that shocked the girl, "You can only leave me hanging for so long…before I let go."

She held back tears defiantly. The girl looked confused and hurt, but she did not move to help the boy. "It wasn't always this way you know. You know it wasn't always this way, right?" She looked away, unable to meet his gaze. "But now I don't give a fuck. I'm sorry, I'm-…" Her voice faltered and did not rise again.

The boy with the cracked glasses and long, unkempt hair looked down at the violent waters below. The dark waves jumped and soared, calling for the dangling boy. He looked back up at the girl wistfully and swung his other arm up as high as he could and offered his palm, searching for salvation. When none came, he let it swing back down. The sun was now nearly below the ocean.

One more finger slipped. The boy clung to life by only one finger and one thumb. His body was taut with tension, but he managed one more ragged plea. "Please…please…all I want…is for you to give a fuck."

The girl could not reply, but merely shook her head. Her sweet voice caught in her throat, choked back by sorrow. The tears left their nest unbidden, slow and heavy. She clutched her small, wicker basket of fucks tightly to her breast.

The tired boy closed his eyes, as if in acknowledgement. When he opened them again, they were wet with tears as well, but in those tears were mirth and laughter, not fear. The boy's face split with a gleaming smile, a smile as bright as the girl's, and he loosed his last two fingers. Down the boy plummeted, and the ocean opened its dark maw. His glasses fled him as he fell. The boy flashed one more brilliant grin, and then the turbulent water was about him.

As the boy disappeared from view, the sun disappeared behind the horizon, and the ocean was set on fire. The ground shook and the sky above flushed a rosy, tender red. The island fractured dangerously, and the water itself let out a horrible roar. The land of 'Ship began to sink into the water.

The girl started to weep violently now. The tremors of the island were nothing compared to those of her body. She got up and threw fuck after fuck into the howling ocean below, but nothing happened. Frustrated, she picked up the small, wicker basket of fucks and threw it all into the fray. But it was too late, and she knew it. Her sobs grew louder and louder until they could be heard over the ocean, because she had remembered what she had forgotten long ago. This island was not called 'Ship, but Friendship, and there was one rule. There was only one rule.

To stay on this island, you had to give a fuck.

The beautiful girl sat alone on that hill. Neither her divine eyes, nor her perfect hair could stem the tide. She smiled radiantly, but the sun would not return. Her face was red with anger, and streams flowed freely down her cheeks. There sat that beautiful, lonely girl as the waters closed around her and the island of Friendship sank into the sea. And she grieved deeply, because once the island of Friendship has sunk, it may never rise again.

-MadMoose