'Saying goodbye to him is not an option. Neither is "I love you".'
I remember saying that, I remember the way my laughter bubbled up, and I remember the naivety in my voice. I wish I didn't remember quite so much.
But you don't know my story, how I got here or even who I am. And now, now the end is too close to bear and all the bets are lost, all the games are played and all the wishes are spent. I am left here. Hopeless, deprived of the very thing, like a mirage; so close and yet so far, I reach out and before my fingertips can even graze it's surface it's snatched away, and I discover that it was all an illusion anyway. Lets start with something simple, my name, I'm Tallulah, and this is my story.
Her heart skipped and danced (she had always had a light heart, barely tethered to herself), and her hair flew behind her in a spun gold cloud. She flew down the hill, the landscape blurring at her sides. Her mind ran in circles, knotting itself and spinning itself into a daze. Her heart hammered against her chest, as though as it was trying to beat it's way out (maybe it was, or maybe it was a warning), and as she closed her eyes, the wind pushed up against her in a cold embrace, as though it was trying to sweep her off her feet and up into the sky on a runaway love story. All could she see was swirling colours, optimism and hope, each one dancing in her vision. With a jolt, her eyes flew open and her breath caught in her mouth. She tumbled off her bike, tripping over herself in her haste to reach her friends.
Lola's mouth formed a small white crescent as she smiled at the striking blonde girl that was striding towards her, emerald eyes sparkling like a meadow laced with dew. Her embrace was warmer and softer then the wind's, and Lola's nostril's were filled with the sticky but delightful aroma of marshmallows and candyfloss.
She was led towards the group of teenagers and as if her pink hued bubble had popped, her ears were overloaded with the incessant chatter of Adelle's friends. She caught the deep blue eyes of one girl but she found herself blushing and her slate grey eyes fluttered away like a butterfly disturbed by a curious child. In instant the girl strode towards her, her long, dark, wavy hair flowing down like a stream to her waist, holding out a cupcake as though she was requesting a doe for it's trust with an outstretched hand.
"Hi." the girl said, her eyes brighter than the midnight sun. "Hi." Lola answered snatching a sideways glance at the girl, "I'm Lola."
The girl's face split into a magnificent smile, like the sun breaking through the clouds, and instantly Lola found herself liking her. "And I'm Millie. Now are you just going to stand their as though you're a sardine stuck in it's tin or are you going to come on out and be sociable?"
Lola offered her the small, but meaningful gift of a half smile..
"That's more like it, you keep doing that and you'll have an abundant supply of friends. Stick with me kid, and with my advice you'll soon have a queue of people wanting to get to know you."
Lola laughed slightly, and her gaze lifted to catch the sea green eyes of a dark haired boy who was chatting to Adelle. She could feel herself falling down the depths of those eyes, as though she had been knocked off her feet and had fallen into them. She could almost feel the sea hungrily snatching at her, dragging her down, down, down…
Lola snapped back into reality as though experiencing whiplash, "huh"
Adelle rolled her eyes and gestured at the boy, "this is Zach."
Zach gave her a radiant smile, and Lola's misty eyes drifted downwards, as she blushed. The corners of her mouth tweaked up, and she managed to drag her eyes away from the fascinating floor to say, "hello". Lola's brain had gone haywire, it couldn't compute, sparks were flying like it was the fourth of July, suddenly she wanted to get to know Zach and find out if he was as beautiful person inside as he was outside.
The picnic flew by, and as though the gods had grasped the hands of the clock and manipulated time itself, it was soon over and Lola found herself catching a flash of a smile from Zach, and a twinkle from his eyes, and then that was all she had left of him.
Her thoughts filled with churning seas, and gleaming smiles she began to cycle home. Lola turned a sharp corner, and then the gentle rhythm of her heart increased into a crazed allegro. Her vision began to blur and she felt herself swerving to and fro as she lost control of the bike. A soft "oomph" of air escaped her lips and her head and ribs ached as her the pavement spun into an unwelcoming darkness.