Part III

And I never know quite what to say. I think I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy. Is pain really inevitable while suffering is optional? When you're upset, and it tears me apart that I can't always help you. Just know that I am here for you, and if you ever fall, I'll be here to catch you. If you ever feel lonely at four in the morning, I'll be here to talk to you. Know that I'm aware of all your pain, and all the sadness you have, and that I'm willing to help you carry it. Just know that I love you, and that it rips my heart apart to know you're not happy all the time. And if you ever fall in love, please don't. There is too much to lose. If you had given the choice then I beg you to choose to walk away. Walk away, let it get you. I can't bear to see the same happen to you. And this time again, I'll never understand why goodbyes have to exist. Should I miss you back then? It hurts. It really did. Because it mattered. What am I missing that you don't see in me? And again tonight, forcing laughter, and faking smiles. Parapet of mendaciousness, uneven eyes and vacancy. How can I change my way back? I want to go with you. Just you, me, the highway, and the radio. The blue sky, the black roads, and windows down. We'll talk about everything and nothing. And we'll sing our hearts out. And we'll make memories we'll never, ever forget. You have said all the things I need to hear before I knew I needed to hear them. To be unafraid of all the things I use to fear before I knew I shouldn't fear them. Well, things change. I'm not even upset, hurt or angry. I'm just tired. I'm tired of putting in more effort than I receive. I'm tired of holding on for nothing. I'm tired in believing all your lies. I'm tired of you proving me wrong every damn time. I'm tired of getting my hopes up and being disappointed again. I never really know what to say when all of my emotions get in the way. I don't really have any motivation to do anything anymore. I don't feel like wasting my energy on all the pointless day to day bullshit of life. So if you don't hear it from me, I ran away in my mind. Don't try to find me. I think you were afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared you. You were the type of liking things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was and I think that's why you struggled with love. You couldn't touch it. You couldn't hold on to it and make sure it never changed. But suddenly, things will break all the time. Glass, dishes, and fingernails. Cars, contracts, and potato chips. You can break a record, a horse, a dollar. You can break the ice. There are coffee breaks, lunch breaks, and prison breaks. Day breaks, waves break, voices break. Chains can be broken. So can silence and fever. Promises break and hearts break. But wait, why do you always do this to me? We stop talking for a week. Then you randomly text me like nothing ever happened. You get my hopes up and lead me on. Because you know that no matter how long you ignore me, I will be here always waiting for you and I'd still choose you.

Part IV

Breathe in, breathe out. Gotta write a classic not an off the cuff. If I walk, would you run? If I stop would you come? If I say you're the one, would you believe me? The world is cinching up to you while you're running away to change your dreams. Tell me what to say so don't leave me. Wait, I suddenly remembered all those crazy things you said. You left them running through my head all day now. I'd like to tell you things that I think you've never heard but there are no words to describe or define what's inside you, your feeling, and your vibe. I could talk all day long about dreams, sewing up your heart so you never see a seam. I could talk all day long about life, after so many wars how we're all still alive. But what can I say about something that blows me away without it sounding like another cliché? Believe me I've tried to break you down to a science. I can articulate a Shakespeare poem even though know I didn't know him I can see where he was going. I don't know where this metaphor is going. You can ask the professor and the madman. If the earth is spinning why do we all stay in place? We are all insane. Those who say are delusional. You are WHO I love. The girl on the pedestal, the fantasy, the make believe things that are actually true. You are WHAT I love. The depth inside jokes, the best friend. You are WHEN I love. A new history is being started with you. We are the young lovers our older selves will someday reminisce about. You are WHERE I love. Because I'd go anywhere just to be with you. You are WHY I love. Because before you, I didn't truly understand what I was looking for. Now that we've found each other, you have given my past and future meaning. You were the sixth. You were the last.