I'm smiling so much that my cheeks hurt.
I won't get angry... I won't get angry...
I'm trying. I'm trying.
But even so, no matter how hard I try, always, always, there will be something to stop me from being finally happy for myself.
" I never thought of you as the type to fight someone. Over something so trivial too; I don't understand how this happened. "
I would look up at my mother as she cleaned the numerous cuts on my face. Apparently I had hit my cousin for pulling my hair again.
Him and every other cousin of mine pushed me around and stepped over me like I was the dirt they walked on.
I was tired.
I'm tired of being nothing more. It was the last straw for him. I wasn't going to let my cousin do such a thing any longer. Backing him up and hiding away the tears I shed, saying I'd tripped over my own feet.
Getting called stupid and useless. Worthless, not wanted, talentless.
They all pushed me down and I let it happen. I was taught to be happy. I was taught to forget of my own problems and risk my life for my younger siblings. Because I was the oldest, I had to set an example - I had to show them how strong I could be - how much damage the human mind could take before finally snapping. At least, that's how I always saw the lessons as.
The memory of our fight was hazy, as I so claim it to be; and I "so happened" to have blacked out during the event, so it gave me an excuse to not say anything.
But I know what I did. I was fully aware of it.
" You're too old to be doing this sort of stuff. He didn't even do anything to you. You two were just playing, weren't you? "
" I don't remember, " I lied. " I'm pretty sure though. Isn't that what Roger says? "
" Yes. "
" Then yeah, we were just playing.. "
" You two need to learn how to play. It's so strange; it's not like you. "
" Yeah.. Sorry mom. I won't do it again. "
The next time I saw my cousin, Roger, that very next day, he just glared at me. I pretended to be confused and just smiled at him. I suggested playing Pokemon, and that seemed to make him happy, as he lost that scowl on his face and got really excited; jumping about, hooking up the Nintendo 64 and whatnot.
Though I'm smiling and playing with him right now, I'm still pretty angry.
But I won't show it. I won't. I won't.
Though letting myself go the way I did, felt nice and refreshing, I won't do it again. I won't ever lay a hand on my elder cousin again.
No matter what.
Even if my tears are threatening to spill, I won't even cry. I'll hold it in like it's nothing, because the feeling of anger and sadness is useless.
No one understands me any way. Nobody cares to even think about my well-being, or how I'll react to things.
But because I was taught to be perfect.
End of Chapter One : Passive-Aggressive
A/N's : I probably got some things wrong about a passive-aggressive person, but I hope it's still good enough.
Hope you guys liked the first chapter! Stay tuned for chapter two coming soon! :D
Thank you for your time. C: