-The Leprechaun's Love-
I was short. Very short. Shorter than a child. Yet, the woman of my dreams was as tall as a supermodel. She had long golden hair that reached down to her thin waist; long golden hair that reminded me of shining gold (the real kind). Just looking at that made my eyes sparkle. Ah, my beautiful Aphrodite. Today, she was going to be mine.
In the past, women consistently rejected me. It was most likely due to my height, which apparently said a lot about a man's abilities. But not today. I discarded the usual green suit for my shining gold one—the suit that I saved only for special occasions. My chin was nice and smooth—I finally decided to shave off my long, bushy, orange beard. Today, I was made to impress.
I strode up to the woman. She was having a nice sip of tea at the café across the street. I straightened my yellow tie and cleared my throat. "Hello beautiful," I said, smiling and winking at her.
She spun around. A look of confusion spread across her face. Then, she looked down. "Oh." She balked. It was probably because of my height. Whoops. I had made a very bad first impression. But I wasn't going to let that stop me.
I bowed. "I was looking at you from across the street, and noticed your impeccable beauty."
Her face contorted. Perhaps I was making her feel awkward? "Um… okay, thank you." She tried to smile, but it was more of a grimace.
It was time to take out my secret weapon—something that every woman liked. I took out a small velvet box from my pocket and presented it to her. "And I was looking for an owner for this, I think I just found her." I flashed a knowing smirk and lifted the lid of the box. A five-carat diamond ring—an irresistible prize.
She gasped. Her blue eyes almost flew out of their sockets. Yes! She had taken the bait. I was sure of it.
And at once, her personality changed. "Why, thank you." She gleamed at me and reached out for the diamond ring. "I'm flattered."
"Ah ah ah…" I pulled it out of her grasp, and she pouted. "First, I need to know your name."
"Amelia," she said, then made a quick reach for the ring again.
The box narrowly missed her fingers as I pulled it away once more. "I can at least have a date with you, Amelia?" I loved the way her name rolled off my tongue. Amelia. Beautiful name.
"Uh…" She looked away and fiddled with her fingers. Was she hesitant about going on a date with me? My heart sank. She wasn't going to reject me like the other girls was she? She looked at me and nodded. "Okay, but just one."
Goldpot! Mine mine mine! She was mine, if only for tonight. I did a quick river dance around her table. "Whoopie doo!" I shouted as I clicked my heels together. "Thank you thank you thank you."
I reached for her hand and dragged her out of her seat. "Well let's go."
We were at the next checkpoint that none of my dates ever passed—my house. I'd always bring them to the house the moment they agree. Because, well, I couldn't think of any other better place. Plus, it was the only place where my obvious lack of height didn't stand out too much; I made sure that everything else was tiny, just like me.
I gestured to my luxurious large living room. "Welcome." The place was almost too big. The ceiling reached higher than ten of my chairs stacked together, and because the furniture was too small, empty space laid all around. "Nifty huh?"
"It's… cute," she said. She stepped into the house. She stepped into the house! I was almost bursting with joy. And at that moment I knew… this woman was going to be my lover for the rest of eternity. No other woman had stepped into my crib before—they got too freaked out before they could.
In my fit of excitement, I let my brogue escape. "Aye lass! It's a nice hous'." Amelia raised her brows. "Would ya like ta' see me favourite paintin'?" I lead her to my prize that I hid under maroon drapes. I practically ran there. I had never shown anyone this painting before. It was my source of luck and wealth—without it, I wouldn't be me.
I pulled the drapes aside as quickly as I could, barely being able to contain my happiness. "There she is," I said. "Ain' she a beauty?" I walked over to my new lover with pride. "She's my—"
Before I could finish, I heard a loud thud and felt a dull ache at the top of my head. I had tripped and fell. It wasn't very gentlemanly like, so I pushed myself up swiftly and flashed an awkward grin.
Amelia showed me a weird look. "Are you okay?"
"Aye," I said, wiping my hand on my suit. "It's jus' a little fall."
"You have a black bruise on your head."
I gasped and covered the aching spot. Not my face! I was meant to look presentable today. Attracting girls would be even harder. I shook off the pain and waved my hand dismissively. "It's nuthin'." I tried my hardest not to blush, but my face was probably turning red.
I needed to change the direction of this conversation. "So anyway, wut do ya' think fer me paintin'?"
"Um, it's… cute."
"A four leaf clover!" I said proudly. "Would be nuthin without it."
She studied it apprehensively. "I see…"
"I want ta' show ya me kitchen." I strode towards the back of the living room. My kitchen was indeed breathtakingly beautiful. I made sure that every single cabinet was plated with gold, and that each dinnerware and utensil was made of it. "You won't believe yer eyes—"
The buzzer rang.
That meant that my rainbow was in trouble. I took it from my pocket and glanced at it. Red digital text blinked on the screen: DANGER DANGER! My loot was about to be stolen. It could have been a goat, or a monkey for all that mattered, but my gold was at risk of being stolen.
I looked at Amelia. "Aye, it's a theif lass. I've gotta go take care of it."
"Oh, okay." She gave me a little wave. "Bye bye." That was… cold. Not even a chance of staying? She was simply going to leave like that?
My shoulders sagged down. "Yoo jus' goona leave like that?"
She patted me gingerly on the head. "I'm sorry, I've got to go somewhere." Then, she bit her lip and said, "And about that ring…"
Ah. The ring. I really didn't want to give it to her, since I couldn't have her. The loss of my love! Still, I slipped it out of my golden pocket and presented it to Amelia. Oh sad cruel fate. If only I grew just a few ten inches taller.
Her eyes shimmered just like the diamond, then she pried it away from my hands. "Thank you."
"I'll see yoo soon lass?"
She shook her head. "Don't know. Maybe"
Obviously, she didn't want to see me again. I decided that I shouldn't waste my time stalling around trying to get a girl that I would never have. My gold was a ton more important.
"Bye bye then." I sighed.
She spun around and trotted off.
And because I was such a sore loser, I just had to say something to spite her. "I hoop yer' mom gets speared by a unicorn!" But there was no reply, and she escaped through the door anyway.
At seven thirty-three P.M., I took another swig of Irish mead. Drunk and girlfriend-less. I knew that it would've turned out this way—deep down it was clear and blatant. Still, I was in denial, not wanting to accept that I was going to remain a loser for the rest of my leprechaun life. I wanted to have her in my bed right now, supermodel legs and all.
"O-o-o! Amelia!" I cursed her name out loud. The bartender gave me a weird look. That night was the first time I tried to pull off my stud attire. Who knew that the golden drab would fail? If that failed then indeed, I would never ever stand a chance in getting a girlfriend. Ever.
The sad fate of a short imp… I gave her up for nothing too. When I reached the end of a rainbow, only a crow was there. It scooped up a gold coin with its beak and left by flapping its black, shiny wings. I was too disappointed to even care. If it were another leprechaun that was grabbing a big sack, then at least my abandonment of Amelia would've been worthwhile. I lost my diamond ring for a simple gold coin.
Talk about rubbing salt into a deep cut wound.
I waved for the bartender. "Aye lad! Fill up me moog!" It was already my fourth mug of mead. My head was starting to spin but I still wanted more.
He walked over and passed me another batch, but as its bottom hit the table, my head gave way and I fell straight against the cup, topping it over. The bartender gave a groan of disgust, before running off, probably to take cloth to clean up the mess. I dozed off.
And when I opened my eyes… I couldn't believe them.
"Are you alright?" the sweetest voice I've ever heard said. It was at least a bazillion times sweeter than Amelia's. The blurry vision started to clear, and I could make out the golden locks that framed the heart-shaped face of a lovely lady. She looked worried. "I'm sorry, I just don't think that you should be lying here like that."
She was a goddess! And short. I shook my head to remove my confusion, then gave a few rude glances to her. She was shorter than I was!
I steadied myself and asked in disbelief, "Yoo… are a leprechaun?" Leprechauns were a rare kind. The last time I saw one was when my parents left me, and that was a very long time ago. It was most likely because it was so hard for us to find someone to have children with.
She laughed. "No! Of course not! I'm a dwarf."
A dwarf! How could I have forgotten. I should've been looking for dwarves instead of humans. They were my size, at least.
It was time to get my charm on. "Yoo, me lass, are a really beautifool dwoorf." I flashed her a cheeky grin.
She hugged me. That was so sudden. "Well, Mr. leprechaun, I've caught you."
I furrowed my brows. "Huh?"
"It means I get three wishes, remember?" Oh yes, one of my many jobs. To give whatever caught my three wishes if they asked. It had been so long since I last heard of it.
"And wot wuld yer wish be me pretty lass?"
The goddess dwarf started to blush. "You look a little unwell, first I want you to come over to my house so that I can take care of you."
My ears were playing a trick on me. Did she just say what she said? "Wot?"
"I wish for you to accompany home."
I was turning pink! I could feel it in my bones. This was the best day of my life. "Certainly lass." I nodded.