The Top Five Reasons Why I am So Over High School

1. There is absolutely nothing challenging about attending high school these days. About 75% of us will move on to college. For us, this is just an elongated introduction to our real education. Once you master the English language and gather general math skills, high school ceases to be relevant. Seriously. They're just torturing us for no reason based on an antiquated idea of what makes us "well-rounded individuals". Such a waste.

2. Dr. Shrine – adviser of Helping Hands and the only reasonable adult in this place – keeps telling me that high school helps us "develop social skills and find ourselves". My social skills are perfectly adequate as I don't live under a rock and I've been on the fast track to Law School since 3rd grade. My "self" has been found. Still not allowed to leave.

3. The female students in my school are single-handedly responsible for setting back the feminist movement by at least a couple decades. Browse the facebook of any random girl from my school and you'd think they no longer manufactured enough fabric in the state of Pennsylvania. Anyone who encounters one of my peers probably thinks that North Ridge High is a home for reforming strippers.

4. The male students are unbearable as well. I get hit on at least three times a day and I actually wear clothing. Nothing about their bigoted misogynistic approach is even remotely attractive. I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots.

5. If I have to spend one more day as the youngest Malone I will murder one of my brothers. That would be unfortunate as I kind of like them. Kind of.