This is dedicated to my best friend Nina. This is her graduation present from me... 'cause I promised her I would write her something. It's not the greatest gift, but I said I would do it and I did... eventually. A couple of month late. But she and some of my other friends did inspire this story. So read and enjoy!
Falling For You
I really didn't want to be here. Well, in this place and in this position because I just KNEW that this would happen and I would have to experience the most mortifying moment of my life. All eyes were on me, as I stood there, frozen in place as I stared wide-eyed at my friends standing next to me. I could feel my cheeks burning up and I was thanking my lucky stars that I was wearing make up, so my face wouldn't be THAT red.
"Danni, are you going to go or not?" My best friend said as she pushed me forward. The room was dead silent; the music had stopped blasting while people waited for me to start moving towards the stage. But I couldn't. This wasn't fair, why did this have to happen to me?
"Why did you do this?" I whispered to her, trying to blink back the tears that I was adamant about not letting fall. She frowned, obviously not really understanding my reaction to this.
"I thought you were fine with this?" She asked. "And besides, my master plan worked."
"Is that what you think?" I said.
"Danielle, are you out there?" I turned my attention to the stage to see Sam, the senior class president, standing there waiting for me to make my way up onstage, to accept my crown and be Homecoming Queen. Most girls would probably be ecstatic about being crowned, but not me. I looked over at Aaron, my friend, who stood up on stage, as he was Homecoming King.
This matchup surprised half of the school. The other half were pretty pleased with themselves, because they were all on board with Gwen's matchmaking plan. One that seemed to work out well, but this was not how I imagined this going.
"Danni, go." She said and just pushed me towards the stage. That first step was all it took and soon I couldn't stop, making my way up onto that stage. But with every step I took towards the stage I remembered the events of the past week. I looked up as I reached the bottom steps and locked eyes with Aaron. I stopped as I remembered our conversation mere moments before and I felt my heart breaking all over again.
No one knew. And for the next 10 minutes we would just pretend that things were fine. But they most certainly were not.
One week ago…
"Guess what." Gwen said, as she came running up to me. It was Monday morning and I was not fully awake, nor did I have my cup of coffee yet so I was not really prepared for Gwen's hyperness. I switched off the music on my iPod and gave my friend my full attention.
"It's too early for me to play guessing games." I said and linked arms with her as we walked towards my locker.
"They announced the nominees for Homecoming Court this morning. They are posted on the notice board in the office." Gwen said and smiled. I stopped walking, realizing where this was going.
"You didn't…"
"I did!"
"Gwen…." I moaned, covering my face with my hands. "Why? I thought you were joking!"
"I was, but I knew you secretly would have liked the idea of being Homecoming Queen with Aaron as your King." She teased and I shook my head at her. We then continued towards my locker.
"I don't want Aaron to be my king, we're just friends anyway." I said.
"Yeah, right. You two are practically a couple and spend all your time together."
"Lies. I spend more time with you than I do with Aaron. And besides, I haven't really spent any time with him these past two weeks." I pointed out to her.
"Still, you two are cute together and I am pretty sure most of the senior class will agree with me."
"Gwen, they won't vote for me and Aaron. If you look at the past three years, the winners are always the favourite couple in the senior class. Aaron and I aren't even a couple, let alone the cutest couple if we were one. I bet that Emily and Daniel are going to win it anyways."
"I accept your challenge." Gwen said, eyes lighting up. I shut my locker and looked at her.
"What challenge? I didn't give you a challenge."
"Oh but you did my dear friend. The night of Homecoming, you and Aaron will have that slow dance together. And then later you'll kiss under the moonlight and it will be so romantic."
I groaned inwardly. Gwen was more emotionally invested in my love life than I was. But I had to admit, what she was saying was something I wanted. I did want to be with Aaron, I could deny it all I wanted but I did have a crush on him. The thing that was stopping us was the fact that we were really close as friends; which was why I fell for Aaron, but also why I knew the feelings weren't mutual. He wasn't exactly looking for a girlfriend and said as much to me when we first became friends. But the more time we spent together and the more I got to know him, the more I found myself falling for him. And when that started, Gwen picked up on it.
And then it became her mission to make sure me and Aaron would be together in the end.
Actually, it wasn't just Gwen, it became my whole group of friends who were hell bent on Aaron and I dating. One day they all just happened to see Aaron and me together, doing work, and decided we looked cute together. And the rest is history basically.
"Gwen, don't let this get to your head." Was all I said to her as we walked to our first class together.
It went to her head.
Two days later…
"Hey Danni!" Aaron said as he passed by me. I looked up and waved at him, but went back to my work. I was getting worried about Gwen's master plan, because over the past couple of days some people had been coming up to me and informing me that they hoped I win Homecoming Queen. Because of that I decided that having as little interaction with Aaron as possible until this nightmare was over.
"What are you working on?" Aaron asked as he came back over to me. I looked up at him again.
"Math. Kinda failing that class."
"Need some help?" He asked, taking the seat next to me.
"Uhm, ok… but wouldn't you rather work with your study group?" I asked, pointing at the group of people he had walked in with.
"No, it's fine. If you need help with math, I can. I'm not failing the class." He teased, grabbing my notebook to see what I was doing. I forced a smile and became aware that some people were looking and watching us.
Or that may have just been his study group and I was just being paranoid. But I will never know.
"Ah, the dreaded calculus section." He said, putting my notebook down on the desk between us and moved in closer to me. For the next five minutes I had no idea what Aaron was talking about, because all I was thinking and focusing on was how close we were. And I was cursing Gwen and my friends in my head as they were the ones who made me realize that Aaron was a good looking guy and not just my nerdy friend.
"Understand?" Aaron asked. I snapped out of my thoughts and stared at him.
"Uh…"
"Ok, so I see I have my work cut out for me then." Was all he said and smiled. I smiled back and then tried to focus on what he was saying to me. But he decided to lean across the table and grab a pencil, meaning he had to lean over me. I could smell his shampoo and soon I found myself trying to figure out what he smelt like. But he smelled really good.
"Danielle, are you ok?" Aaron asked.
"What? Yeah! Why?"
"You seem to be zoning out on me a lot."
"Oh… sorry. I didn't get much sleep last night and math just… I hate it." I said. Aaron nodded.
"I can always tutor you if you need help."
"Really? You would do that for me?" I asked.
"Yeah, what are friends for?" He said. I felt my heart deflate when he said that.
Right. We're just friends.
"Yeah, sure. So, calculus… Let's do it!" I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. I don't think Aaron bought it, but he continued to help me with my math homework.
I really hated my friends in that moment because now I couldn't even act normal around Aaron.
Day before Homecoming…
"What does your dress look like?"
"Not telling you."
"Oh come on, I'm your best friend, you have to tell me!"
"Yeah, well I wouldn't be going to this stupid dance if you hadn't gotten me voted onto the court." I said, looking at Gwen.
"You will thank me for this one day. You'll be marred to Aaron and you will ring me up and saying, for about the millionth time, how thankful you are that I got you and him to dance together at Homecoming."
"Wishful thinking!"
I hated when Gwen did this. For the past couple of days she started talking about how it would be like if I had a future with Aaron. Honestly that would be stupid because we are in high school. And besides, high school romances never lasted past high school. So filling my mind with these stupid thoughts were pointless… But it didn't stop me from imagining it.
Alright, I am not some crazy chick who falls in love with a guy and thinks she is going to marry him. No, I am nowhere near thinking about that. Instead I just started thinking about what it would be like to actually be with Aaron and how a relationship with him would work. In all honesty I didn't see it turning out to be much different than how we were now as friends, but for some reason in my mind I seemed infinitely happier having some one. Knowing that there was someone who really did care for me, and wanted to be with me more intimately…
"You are totally imagining a life with him right now!" Gwen squealed, bringing me back to reality.
"NO!"
"Well, you were thinking about him." She pointed out and grinned. "Danni, you are in love with him."
"Danni's in love with who?" A voice asked from behind me and I turned around to see Aaron standing there, smiling at me. I swear my face went bright red, because I could feel it heating up. In that moment I hated Gwen so much.
"Johnny Depp. I am completely in love with him." I said, trying to cover this up.
"Alright." Aaron said, frowning slightly. Probably wondering why I was blushing at admitting to being in love with Johnny Depp, since most people know I have this massive obsession with him.
"Ooh, would you look at the time? I gotta get going. See you two later!" Gwen said, running away past Aaron. She turned around and made a heart with her hands and continued running away while I just glared at her.
"Are you alright?" Aaron then asked, bringing me back to reality.
"Yeah, yeah, I am fine. Gwen just loves to embarrass me sometimes." Was all I said and placed my hands on my cheeks to help cool them down. But my hands weren't cold enough to accomplish that, so I dropped my hands and sighed. Aaron then did something that surprised me; he reached out and touched my cheek with his hands, which were ice cold. My eyes widened and I looked up at him.
"You know, when you go red in the face, you look like a tomato." He said and placed his other hand on my cheek. I was frozen in place and just stood there staring at him. He kept his hands there a moment before dropping them.
"Uh, thanks." I said, though I knew my face was still bright red because of what he just did. "Uhm, ready for homecoming tomorrow?"
"Oh right, that's happening." He said, now putting his hands in his pockets. For some reason I thought about holding his hand and how it would feel entwined with mine. "I didn't want to go, but somehow I ended up on the Homecoming Court."
"Oh, that was Gwen's fault." I found myself saying and then mentally kicked myself. Aaron frowned.
"How is that her fault?"
I then frowned, wondering how to get out of this one or just to tell him the truth. I guess it didn't matter if I told him about my crazy friends and what they thought about us. I wasn't admitting that I was starting to see what they saw… I mean I wasn't saying out right that I liked him. And besides, we were just friends.
"Well… Gwen got it into her crazy head that… well that it would be great if you and I were king and queen." I said, not looking at Aaron. Instead I kinda ended up looking at the wall next to us, at a poster advertising the stupid dance.
"What?" Was all he said and I looked over at him. He looked really confused.
"They're crazy, if you haven't noticed. I mean, you know Gwen, that's prime example of the kind of crazy I hang out with." I found myself saying, now regretting telling him this.
"Oh." He said. "Well, it's not like we'd win."
"Well…." I started. "Gwen had taken it upon herself to make sure we do. And rumour has it, we may win it."
"Uhm, Danni… You don't like me, do you?"
I froze in place, staring at the ground.
"No." I said quickly.
"Ok, good." Aaron sounded relieved. I couldn't look at him. "And don't let your friends get the better of you, because I don't want you to get hurt."
"Pssh, I won't get hurt." I said, trying to suppress the panic rising in my chest. "I mean, we're just friends, nothing more! And now I really need to go, because I am later for… a meeting."
"OK. So I'll see you later then." Aaron said as I started walking away.
"Yeah, sure." I called out to him and started running. I ran out of the high school building, across the field and collapsed there. I lay down on the field, wanting to scream and cry but not really allowing myself. Instead I just stared up at the sky, trying to calm my thoughts, but that wasn't happening. I stayed there until the sun started setting and then made my way home. By this point I was fine, just extremely mad that I had given into Gwen and allowed her to convince me to fall for Aaron.
But, admittedly, there was a small part of me that always liked him since the first time we met.
20 minutes before the announcement…
Homecoming wasn't all-bad. Yeah I didn't actually have a date, but that really didn't matter. My friends made up for that. We all managed to get a table together and became the loudest table in the room. We were also probably the most energetic, because the dance seriously did not start until we all hit the dance floor. So I was basically having fun when Aaron decided to show up and completely destroy that.
"Hey, can we talk?" He asked, walking up to me. Gwen and I were just about to hit the dance floor, but instead she pushed me towards Aaron, giving us a look, and continued on her way to join the rest of our friends.
"I guess." I said, having now been ditched by my friend. She didn't know about my conversation with Aaron the day before or the mental crisis I went through after it.
"Outside though, it's too noisy." He said and then took my hand and pulled me away. I was then thoroughly confused as he led me out of the dance hall, looking down at our hands. He let go of me as soon as we made it outside.
"Are you alright?" He asked once we were out of hearing distance of anyone.
"Yeah, why?"
"Because yesterday you looked upset. After we talked. And Danni, I want you to be completely honest with me; do you like me?" He asked point blank.
I looked up at him. I could confess that yes, there were feelings for him and then just deal with it. Or I could keep denying it for the rest of high school. The thing is, I wasn't sure which one would be the easier and less painful route for me to take.
"Danni, you have to tell me so I know. I don't want to lead you on and hurt you." He said.
"Would you ever date anyone in high school?" I found myself asking him.
"No… there is no point in high school relationships. Look Danni, I like you but if you're friends are telling you to like me, then I have to keep my distance from you. I don't want to hurt you."
"Keep you're distance?"
"Yeah, because it would be easier for you to move on and get over me."
"Seriously?" I found my temper rising now. "You think that you keeping your distance will help? That if you disappear out of my life that I will magically stop liking you? No Aaron! That's not what you do!"
"Danni…."
"No. OK, you know what, I have always liked you. Three years ago when we met, I had a crush on you. It went away when we became friends and now it is coming back because of my friends thinking we would be a perfect couple. No matter what I will always like you and there is nothing you can do about it, so don't act so high and mighty by thinking you need to do the right thing and avoid me."
I was mad and all I wanted to do was slap him. I was sick of people telling who to like and who to not like. He was pretty surprised by my outburst, and wanted to say more, but I wasn't going to let him. Instead I turned around and made my way back to the dance. I could hear him following me, but we didn't say anything. We went separate ways once entering the room and I went straight to my friends. However it was that moment that Sam then decided to announce Homecoming King and Queen.
And surprise! Aaron and I won. So even though I didn't want to be in his company, I was forced to while we danced together. Aaron took my hand and led me off the stage and down to the dance floor. He put his hands on my waist and I had mine on his shoulders. I wasn't entirely sure if I really wanted to punch him still, or if now being this close to him I was starting to calm down.
"Danni…. I'm sorry."
"Aaron, you know what, it's ok. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself."
"No, it's just…"
"Do not feel sorry for me or else I will punch you in the face."
Aaron stopped talking and just looked at me. I got really uncomfortable and looked to my right where I could see Gwen. She gave me the thumbs up, really pleased with her handiwork. I gave her a small smile.
"Danni, I do like you." Aaron said. I refused to look at him. "And maybe this could work… but I don't know if it's worth it. What if we end up breaking up? What happens to our friendship then?"
"You are assuming." I found myself saying and looked back at him. "You're assuming that if we break up and don't last, that it would end up badly. What if it ends up being a mutual break up? We remain friends. What if we don't break up? You're assuming the worst for a relationship that hasn't even happened. You just don't want to take a chance and lose me. But you know what Aaron? You lose me anyways if you go with your way and we avoid each other. So the best thing to do if you really want to be my friend is to just ignore it."
"But… I can't." He said.
I felt the tears coming back. Why was he making this difficult?
"Then I will make it easier for you. Good bye Aaron." I said and pulled away from him. I turned to walk back to my friends, but he reached out and took my hand, pulling me back to him.
"Wait." He said. I was about to ask him to wait for what, but I couldn't as his mouth covered mine.
In the stupid romance books I read back in the day, I had a strange misconception on what it would feel like when you have your first kiss with a person you like. Most of them describe them as being magical and that there are fireworks going off and all that crazy stuff. But in that moment that Aaron and I kissed, I didn't get any of that. Instead I felt a warmth rush through my body, and I also did feel like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. But it was enough for me to know that I really did like Aaron and it wasn't all just in my head.
He pulled away and that's when we realized that people were cheering around us. I refrained from looking over at Gwen, who had probably fainted at how well she thought her plan had gone.
"Why." I managed to get out, hoping Aaron understood.
"Because I wanted to be sure if it was worth losing you completely." He said. "It wasn't."
"What?"
"I'm stupid." He said and shrugged. I was still trying to mentally process what was happening when he leaned in and kissed me again. I then understood he was saying he was going to give this relationship thing a shot.
"You know, I had a crush on you when I first met you too." He admitted when he broke away from the kiss again. I smiled and took his hand as now was the time to face Gwen and everyone else.