Just one step you coax and I'm watching

Yet I can't move forward like my legs are made of solid glass

And weighted with needle pin stones

And one move will shatter you.

Red lipstick promises remind me that I never loved you

Yet I'm still stuck here in this factory town

And my lungs are made of smoke instead of love.

My heart is blue, bruise-blue

The only blue you ever see on skin

Like water tainted with lust.

Now sugar tastes like missing you.

You liked used-book stores because they smelled like home.

Your mother never ate dinner with you

So you sat alone and the chairs became your family.

Your mother broke your sister in a drunken rage.

You found god once.

You said he was on a street corner waiting for the bus in the rain.

He told you it was hopeless.

Your scars never healed across your face and your back

Where the angels tore out of you and left you empty.

Dead eyes stared at me when we sat across the dinner table

And you tried to pass that lonely smile off for romance.

You just tried to be the figment of my mind

And my God you tried.

But still I kept believing that it was a lie

When you talked about dying like it was your grand purpose.

You kept telling me you'd forget how to breathe

And your favorite moments were the ones just before your lungs opened up again Because those were the moments you knew

You could just close your eyes and be gone forever.

I miss the way you hummed when you thought no one was listening

But I was, every time.

I think at some point you realized

But you kept humming until one day became the last day.

We used to say that they should build monuments to us

Because we were perfect

But one night you said that we were monuments

To everything that's wrong with the world.

I think suicide is contagious because I caught it from you.

And now I can't stop thinking that

Life is just an endless path to wherever you are now.

I wish it were because then I would tell you that I don't forgive you

And I never will because you sang me to sleep

And now my eyes won't close and music sounds like endings.

When people stare I stare back and when they ask I keep staring

Because they'll never know.