Toilet Ballad

On wint'ry day so bright and cool

I felt my bowels ache

Believe me, I am not a fool

But I made a mistake

I walked towards the toilet white

There was a 5-yard line

Of people, faces stiff with spite

The turn would not be mine

Then after many minutes passed

And some had given in

The door, now opened at long last

Then quickly closed again

My bowels ached with pain so strong

My intestines were sore

I had to wait so freaking long

That I could wait no more

The seems extended and did stretch

Until they finally burst

The underwear that I had fetched

Had seemingly been cursed

My lower clothes were painted brown

By gooey substache soon

The people there began to frown

That fateful afternoon