Jordan has always told me that I'm a good actress. I would always get my way by simply forcing myself to cry. I could also mislead people into thinking that I was really happy, when in reality I wasn't happy at all.
This is one of those times when my supposedly great acting skills are coming in handy. Well, they've come in handy these past two weeks actually.
It's been a hectic two weeks around here. After her body was discovered and the authorities were called, our house has been constantly filled with police, detectives, forensics teams, lawyers and a whole lot of media.
I got really sick of it after the first couple of days. We didn't get any privacy, and I was asked the same questions repeatedly every day. Of course I had to pretend that I was completely distraught over her murder. I guess it helped that having all these police and detectives around made me nervous.
I was worried that they would discover that I'm the murderer, so my voice was really shaky. Which I was hoping they would perceive as grief, not guilt. All I had to do was constantly make myself cry, which although effective, was incredibly tiring, and act distant towards everyone. Which also was not difficult to do, considering the fact that I didn't want to talk to them anyway.
I spent most of my time in my bedroom talking to Jordan. He didn't want anything to do with the people downstairs, so he just hid in my I was downstairs, though, I enjoyed seeing the devastation on the faces of my family members. Especially my younger sister.
Due to the fact that she was the one who found her, Lucy was constantly being interviewed and forced to describe what she saw numerous times. Having to include every single minuscule detail that she could recall. Which meant that she was reliving the moment over and over again.
We have only just gotten back from the funeral. We would have held it earlier, but the medical examiner wasn't finished with her body until two days ago. They had scoured every inch of her body, inside and out, to search for any clues. They found the hair in her wounds and sent it off to evidence. That would definitely make sure that I wasn't caught. The hair wasn't mine.
They had also searched our bathroom top to bottom. The insanely bright flashes of their camera's were blinding. They took pictures of everything. The blood splatters on the walls and floor. The bathtub had been emptied after they had discovered that there wasn't anything but a knife and her body in there, besides the doll parts.
The only time I saw Jordan out of my bedroom was when he was watching the forensics team do their job. He has a fascination with blood and all those types of things. Too many crime shows I think. Once they were gone, he went in and got a closer look at everything. The grin he was wearing threatened to split his face.
The crime scene tape is still blocking off the door and as I stand here looking in there, I can't help but allow myself another small smirk of satisfaction. I had succeeded, and I was almost certain that they wouldn't ever know that it was me.
Our house was filled with mourners wearing black clothes. It was horribly bland and crowded. The only good thing about it was that there was actually food being passed around. I haven't eaten properly since I killed her, and it's not because I was upset or feeling guilty.
It was all part of the act. I haven't known many people who are grieving the death of a close family member to stuff their faces with food. I know that when my real family died, I didn't eat for weeks. So I would have to wait until everyone went to bed and sneak down to the kitchen and make myself a sandwich or something. Not the most satisfying thing to eat every night for two weeks.
At the funeral I didn't even have to force myself to cry towards the end. It wasn't because I missed Jennifer, or regret what I have done, but it reminded me of my real family's funeral. When I had to bury my mother, father and twin brother. It was the most difficult and heart wrenching day of my life.
I guess that's how the Mason's feel right now. To an extent, I do feel sorry for them. I know what it's like to lose someone that you love more than anything, but I couldn't find it within myself to feel guilty or regret killing her. Especially not after the life I've had with them, and what Jordan has told me.
This is the first time that I've actually seen some real emotion from them. Usually they never noticed each other. They all went about their individual lives. Never all in the same house at one time. I guess it's true that you never really know what you have until you don't have it anymore.
A soft touch on my right shoulder made me jump. "I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, dear," the old lady said. Her grey eyes wrinkling even further in sorrow and apology. "It must be so difficult for you to lose a second mother."
Yes, thank you for reminding me that my mother is dead you old hag. That's what I wish I could say, but of course I can't. So instead I just gave her a weak and watery smile. "Yeah it is. My family is strong though, we can get through it together."
She nodded once more before patting my cheek with her hand. She placed a warm container filled with fruit cake into my hands before toddling off to find someone else to pity.
Why did people think that food would make people feel better when they're going through a time like this. Nothing say's 'I'm sorry' like a container full of fruit cake right?
I was sick of seeing all of these people and everything kept reminding me of the day of my own family's funeral so I took the fruit cake into the kitchen and made my way upstairs to my bedroom. I couldn't count the amount of people that had come up to me expressing their condolences and I really didn't want to hear it.
Jordan was lounging about on my bed. Staring at the wall and closing one of his eyes every now and then. There was probably a stain or crack in the roof that was keeping him occupied. He was amused by the simplest of things.
I sat down in front of Jennifer's doll house that I had taken from her display room where all the antiques were. When I opened the doll house, the first thing I looked at was the bathroom. This doll house was an exact replica of the house that we live in. It was completely furnished and everything.
I decided, that for my own amusement, I would reenact the murders in this dolls house. The bathtub was filled with water which i had mixed with red coloured food dye to make it look like blood. Spaghetti pieces all cut up to act as the cut up dolls and there was a doll sitting in the tub with holes cut out of her arms and neck.
I did a pretty good job if I do say so myself. I even created the blood splatters and drips with the red food dye. I'm nothing if not thorough. It was a great reminder of my success.
"I never get tired of looking at that you know," Jordan said as he sat himself down on the floor next to me. "I wish I was there to see the real thing, it would have been amazing to see."
"You would have been proud of my skills Jordie. Not trying to brag or anything, but I was awesome! I haven't even seen anything like that in movies or on tv." Now that I was in the privacy of my bedroom I could smirk and gloat as much as I wanted. I didn't have to pretend up here, and this morning I had stashed some food in here in case I got hungry.
"This food colouring looks so real Lil's," he said. "It actually looks like blood." Of course that would be his favourite part about it all. Maybe he was a vampire in a past life or something. The obsession he has with blood is unhealthy.
I slapped Jordan's hand away from the doll house. If he touched it then my master piece would be destroyed. I've already had to stop him from trying to eat the spaghetti pieces. "Don't touch it. It needs to stay exactly the way it is."
"Jeez, relax would ya? I wasn't gonna touch it." At the look I gave him, he decided it would be best to tell the truth. "Okay, okay, I was going to touch it, but can you blame me?"
I closed the doll house, not wanting to risk it. It was an almost exact replica of what I had done and I wanted to keep it that way.
I stood up and walked over to my wardrobe, pulling out my brothers riding jacket. I shrugged it on and breathed in his scent, needing some comfort after the horrible morning I've had.
I heard Jordan get up and move to stand behind me."You seriously need to wash that Jacket Lily."
My abrupt response took him by surprise and he put his hands up in surrender. "Okay, it was just a suggestion."
I was not going to get rid of the only thing that comforted me. His scent was already slowly going away and I wasn't going to speed up the process. Thinking of my brother and all the things we used to do made me tear up and I had to force myself not to cry. I hated crying in front of Jordan. I wanted to show him that I wasn't weak.
Realising that I needed a distraction, he picked up one of the chocolate bars that I had snuck up here with earlier. "So, who is the next victim and when are you gonna do it?"
"Well, not for a while yet," I said as I sat down on the edge of my bed. "I mean, we have to wait until this investigation is over."
His groan of impatience made me chuckle a little. "You know I hate waiting. You should just do it now."
"Yes, Jordan, I know that you hate waiting. We can't do it too close together though, otherwise everything we planned for Jennifer's murder will be pointless." The taste of the chocolate running over my tongue was incredibly satisfying and reminded me just how hungry I actually was.
"These thing's take time, Jordan. You need to learn a little patience," I told him as I picked up another chocolate bar and smirked at him. "As for who is next. Well, I'm pretty sure you know who it is already."