I hold back so much sometimes
And I hate it
But it's all I've ever known
I hold back so much that it's keeping me from moving forward
In fact I'm falling behind
So far that I sometimes forget that things change
Like maybe the steps I took weren't that bad
Or maybe the edge of that memory wasn't that sharp
But these things have a way of healing
Even though all the open in my guard has now closed me up
It doesn't mean it didn't exist
Or hurt any less
You can take my word for it
Because it's all I really got to give
And it may not seem like much to you
But believe me it's hard to let go
When it gets so cold and lonely at time
Getting wrapped up in insecurity thinking it keeps me safe
Because it's all I've ever known
But I'm trying
Because I want to make more space
Get rid of all that doubt stuck in my love
But I always come out feeling empty
It just leaves more room for that silence to weigh me down
Like every bit of slack in my trust I give up to the dark
Thinking it's going to hold me together
But it only holds me down
I'm not here giving up
I'm not broken
But if I was broken
I would know how to pick up the pieces
Like maybe if I could just open up
I would feel the light
And there could be a chance I could float
But don't want to get carried away
I don't want to lose sight of everything
Just get far enough to get over it
Then I could see it for what it is
And just...
let go