I woke up from the painful night last night. Sleeping in your car isn't really the best place to sleep in and especially if it's cold throughout the night and I know I barely got any sleep last night. I pulled my seat back up to the upright position and then everything started to hit me. My head was spinning, feeling really light headed and I have the worse headache ever. I should have expected this I mean I should be feeling even worse than I already do, I'm probably going fall down and get sick now. What kind of nut head would wait out in the cold Winter weather for a girl with not even a bite to eat? I slowly massaged my head as I tried to ease the pain from the headache a little and then I panicked. Allison, where is she? I quickly scanned the scenery just hoping that I would get a glimpse of her somewhere on this beach but unfortunately, it was like the same as yesterday, not a soul. I quickly rambled through the pockets of my jacket to pull my BlackBerry out, just wondering if I got any calls or messages from her. Clearly today isn't my day because all that is showing up on my BlackBerry is a black screen. Dead battery, great I thought as I tossed it onto the passenger seat and I rested my head on the steering wheel. Deep down inside, I saw this coming. I knew that I wouldn't be seeing Allison judging from her personality and her actions lately. But I just don't know anymore, I don't know how she feels about me, I'm not confident anymore. Has she really moved on? Is what she said about not loving me really true? Was this all really a one sided love? God damn it, I know I shouldn't feel this way, I'm not usually like this but I just can't help but feel negative. I lifted my head and then smashed the steering wheel, causing it to honk and then followed by a bark. What? A bark? Oh shit, Snowball I thought and I quickly turned around and sat Snowball sitting there on the backseat staring directly at me.
"I'm sorry girl," I apologized to Snowball and patted her on the head. "I made you suffer too didn't I?" I looked out the window and the sun was all the way up in the sky, what time is it anyways? I glanced down at the watch on my wrist and it was just a quarter past noon, I know Allison's not coming anymore for sure, she's probably in school right now having lunch with Tracy and Kelly and maybe even Ronald.
Suddenly Snowball started barking nonstop and my heart was excited, just hoping that Snowball was barking from happiness because she sees Allison. I quickly turned around to the direction Snowball is facing and barking and my heart immediately sank when I saw Rachel walking towards my car. What is she doing here? How does she even know I was here? I watched her as she approached the passenger side and then gently knocked on the window. I unlocked the door for her and she climbed into the car and sat down, slamming the door after her. I studied her as she was also studying me, she's angry, but I really don't want to deal with her right now and I feel like shit. I looked away from her and then I sighed heavily as I rested my head on the head rest of my seat.
"Kyle, do you know how worried I've been?" Rachel started in a stern strict voice. "I've been calling your house and your cell phone all night long, did you know that?" I looked at her confused, called my house? Why would she call my house when she's practically living there right now?
"Called my house?" I asked, confused.
"I went home yesterday because I was depressed I guess, and I haven't seen my Dad in awhile. I guess he would have been a little lonely." Rachel explained.
"How did you get here?" I asked. "And how'd you know I was here?"
"My chauffeur" she pointed out the window and I looked at the direction she was pointing at. Indeed, it was Uncle Martin's car that was meant for Rachel's uses parked just a few spots away from us. "And Allison told me that you were here." What? Allison? I was stunned, so she didn't want to face me? So she sent Rachel to come after me? My heart started feeling a pain, like I've been stabbed. "Kyle, were you seriously crazy enough to be sleeping here all night in the cold?" Rachel started her nagging again.
"Can you ask your chauffeur to bring Snowball home and get James here?" I ignored her question because I didn't have any energy to deal with anything right now and I tried to collect myself, I don't want her to see me angry again, I really don't.
"Yes, after we finish our talk." Rachel brought the conversation back.
"What do you want to talk about Rachel?" I asked, shutting my eyes.
"Why are you this crazy for? Why are you this crazy for just one girl?" She started but I kept my eyes shut. I don't know how to answer Rachel, yeah why am I this crazy for just one girl? "Well?" She waited for my answer. I sighed and slowly opened my eyes and faced her.
"I love her Rachel." I replied softly and I watched her facial expression change, she was hurt. "I'm sorry Rachel. I don't know why I'm this crazy for just one girl either, but that's the only explanation I have."
"You got her the bouquet of roses yesterday didn't you?" She asked softly, no longer in an angry mood. I nodded slowly without saying a word to her. What could I possibly say to Rachel now except to apologize? Neither of us said a word, Rachel was looking down on her lap and I was now looking out the windshield and into the scenery. I knew that Rachel was sad and holding her tears back, but even at this very moment, I don't know how to comfort her because I don't even know if I can bring myself to it. "Allison's a very lucky girl." Rachel muttered and I slowly turned to look at her, her head was still down and she was playing with her fingers that were resting on her lap.
"Rachel..." I started softly but no words would come out of my mouth.
"Were you suppose to meet Allison here or something?" She asked and I just kept observing her, wondering where this was going.
"Yeah." I finally replied and she didn't bother looking up at me, not even a glance.
"This place must mean a lot to you two." She started. "I suppose so right? Since you asked her to meet you here and you even waited here all night." I chuckled, am I really going to have a serious conversation with Rachel right now about Allison?
"I suppose this is the place where I first realized that I love her." I replied, my sight was now locked onto the spot where I first kissed Allison by the curb. "When she was held hostage here, I thought that I was going to go crazy. The sight of seeing a knife to her, I realized that I couldn't lose her." I continued, my eyes still locked on the spot.
"She was held hostage before?" Rachel asked, slightly frightened. I turned to face her once again and she was finally looking at me and I smiled gently at her.
"Yeah," I replied.
"I wonder when you'll ever feel like that towards me." Rachel started and I watched her. "Probably never right?" She let out a weak, fake smile.
"Rachel..." I started.
"Kyle." She interrupted. "I'm sorry. This whole engagement thing is causing you a lot of pain isn't it?"
"Where are you trying to go with this Rachel?" I asked, is she telling me that it's okay to break the engagement off?
"Nowhere. I just-" she paused as if it was something difficult to say. "I just don't want to break this engagement off. I need you Kyle." Yeah, of course she didn't want me to break the engagement off, what was I hoping for? "I know it's very selfish of me, but please, just stay by my side okay?" I sighed, but I know I couldn't say anything to her that will hurt her, I've hurt her too much already. "Even if you do break the engagement off, Allison still have Ronald! She wouldn't leave him, don't you see the way they look at each other?" I sighed heavily again.
"I'll always be by your side Rachel." I replied. I knew I couldn't tell her that I want to break the engagement off with her, but this is like lying to myself and her too. What can I do? If Rachel is talking about the engagement with me right now, she knows that I've been thinking about breaking it off with her, is this her way of telling me that she doesn't want me to go? Her way of tying me down to her?
"My Dad have talked to your parents about our engagement, the official engagement party is happening in a month during our Spring break." Rachel announced and I looked at her, shocked to hear that it's so soon and clearly I am not liking the idea of this.
"Why haven't I been notified until now?" I raised my voice slightly, and then I finally remembered the discomfort I am feeling. My head is starting to feel fizzy and I was very light headed, the throbbing from the headache was getting worse.
"You were never interested in knowing about the engagement things, so I took it into my own hands."
"Why? Why is it so soon? Can't you just wait?" I raged, ugh, I started to feel nauseous.
"Kyle, time isn't really on my side anymore." Rachel replied and I stared at her. What is she talking about? Shit, her cancer I immediately remembered.
"What's wrong? Did Dr. Taylor say something to you during the last appointment? How's your sickness?" I immediately began to worry for Rachel, my rage has all disappeared.
"She just said that I should start treatment immediately." She said softly and I felt rage again.
"Rachel!" I yelled, "why don't you just listen to her god damn it?"
"I will, after our engagement party."
"Rachel!" I yelled even louder and my head is spinning right now, but I tried my best to ignore it. "This isn't a game! Your life is on the line right now, and you think this is a game? You seriously want to just throw your life away like this? How can you gamble your life for just an engagment party?"
"I'm not playing a game Kyle!" She yelled back. "I know what I'm doing."
"Clearly you don't!" I argued back. "Stop being so damn foolish and get treated already! The medication that were prescribed for you, they aren't working are they? You should go process with the next procedure and get treated!"
"Kyle! You don't understand how I feel!" She sobbed, tears filled up her eyes quickly. "This, this may be the only chance I'll ever have don't you get it? I'm going to die!"
"Rachel!" I raged, I don't want to hear this from her. The only reason why I'm so miserable right now is because of this whole engagement thing to get Rachel better. If this is going to end up to be like this, what's the point? "You do know the only reason I've accepted this crazy engagement idea was because of you? To get you treated, to be there for you and support you while you go through all those suffering treatments. But I've had it, don't you see? If you aren't going to get treatment and just doing whatever you want and not caring about those around you, what's the whole point of this engagement?" I shouted.
"Kyle-" Rachel started.
"Get treated immediately Rachel." I interrupted her and I glared at her, not letting her a chance to argue back. If she really wants me by her side, she needs to get better, so all this...would be worth it.
"Okay, I promise I will." She replied softly. "I'll go see Dr. Taylor later."
"Thank you." I replied softly and I rested my head on my seat, my head is killing me, I just want to roll over and die right now. I feel like shit. I pulled my seat down a little and I rested my eyes.
"Kyle?" I heard Rachel "Are you okay?" She asked and I nodded.
"I'm fine." I opened my eyes slowly and stared at her, then I felt a hot wave of heat on my head and I looked up and saw Snowball panting over my head. "Can you please take Snowball home now and get James here?" I asked Rachel.
"Are you still planning to stay here?"
"Just a little bit longer. I have something to talk to James about," I lied. I just wanted to be alone until James got here. "So please?" I begged, she watched me for the longest time before she let out a heavy sigh.
"Okay fine," she replied and she turned to reach for the handle.
"And please," I stopped her and she looked over her shoulder back at me. "Go to the hospital and speak with Dr. Taylor when you drop off Snowball. I'll be contacting her later tonight to see what the plan is okay?" She rolled her eyes at me and she sighed once again.
"Fine." She agreed and she opened the passenger door and climbed out. She slammed the door and made her way to the back door, opened it and took the leash to Snowball's neck and hooked it onto her collar. I watched Rachel as she moved away to let Snowball jump down before she turned and looked back at me for a few moments before she slammed the door. I watched her as she made her way back to her car and soon Rachel and Snowball climbed into the back of the car and they pulled out of the parking lot. I looked down at my watch on my wrist and it was one thirty in the afternoon, there's less than two hours left in school. By the time James gets here, it'll almost be three o'clock and if Allison were to come even if Tracy or Kelly were to take her here, it'll just be twenty minutes. Maybe, just maybe I'll see her I thought and soon I began to doze off.
I was awoken by a lot of pounding sounds on my windows and my name being called, a girl's voice. Allison? I jerked up and looked around my surrounding and I saw Kelly and Tracy pounding the window by the driver's side and James on the passenger side. I placed my hand on my head, my head is throbbing even worse than it was earlier.
"Oh my god! Kyle, you're finally up! Do you know how scared we were?" I heard Tracy yelling from the other side of the door. Thank god I had this door as extra protection, I don't need to hear things that will hurt my head even more. I pulled my seat back upright and I unlocked the door to my car and immediately, the door swung open, letting in all the cold Winter air.
"Kyle! Are you crazy?" I heard Kelly yelled at me immediately, but I can't focus. My vision was blurry and my head spinning like a hamster on its wheel.
"Kyle? Are you okay?" I heard James voice, and I realized that he had made his way over to the driver's side and was now beside Tracy and Kelly. I felt a hand on my forehand, a very cold and frozen hand. "Shit, Kyle you're burning up!" James added, so much for formalities eh?
"I'm fine." I replied softly.
"Kyle! You are not fine!" Tracy yelled at me again but I placed a finger on my lips, gesturing her to quiet down and she did.
"Please Tracy. Quiet please." I muttered. I tried my best to pull myself together to act like I was fine, but I wasn't, not one bit. "Did Allison send you two here too?"
"We were worried about you. " Kelly replied.
"Did she?" I repeated myself.
"We offered to come okay?" Kelly replied.
"Where is Allison? Why isn't she here?" I asked, sounding really desperate but I didn't care.
"She's not ready to see you yet." Tracy replied.
"What do you mean not ready? I have so much I want to talk to her about."
"We know Kyle," Kelly replied. "But give Allison some time okay?"
"Kelly, I miss her, I miss Allison so much. I want to see her." I muttered and I started to get up from my seat and shoved them aside. Unfortunately, I was weak and I fell down immediately and onto the floor.
"Oh my god, Kyle! Are you alright?" I heard Tracy and Kelly shouting and then an arm was linking into my arm. I want to go to where Allison is, but I just can't move at all. Damn this is pathetic, no I'm pathetic. I felt myself getting angry, getting angry at myself for being so damn foolish and for losing Allison like this. It feels like there is no return back to the way we use to be, but just please, please let me fix this even if there is a little hope.
"Ms. Smith and Ms. Affleck, I believe this isn't the best time to be talking to Kyle." James interrupted them and then I felt his arms on me instead and he slowly lifted me up to my feet, supporting me. James made his way to the back door and he slowly opened it for me to get in.
"Tracy, Kelly." I muttered slowly before getting on. I can't let them see me like this anymore, not right now. "Sorry for worrying you two, but can you do me a favour and not tell Allison what happened here?" I asked without making any eye contacts with them, but I knew they were looking at me with worried eyes.
"Yeah, we understand." Kelly replied and I smiled weakly at them, a smile that isn't even a smile before I climbed into the back of the car and James shut the door. I heard James talking to Tracy and Kelly outside of the car but I couldn't make up what they were talking about. I could care less what they talk about because I just don't have to energy to deal with anything. I just want to pass out right now and sleep, I don't remember when the last time I got this sick was. I slowly shut my eyes as I waited for James to finish outside but before I knew it, I was gone.
I slowly opened my eyes and the first thing I realized was that I was in my own room. How did I get here? When did I get here? I thought to myself, my head still felt light headed but the headache had settled down. I slowly scanned my room while lying down and I realized that it was still bright outside, was I only gone for a couple of hours? I continued to scan around my room and then I realized there was a bag of intravenous fluids hanging on a pole by my bedside and I followed the line and saw it attached to me on my forearm. When did this happen? I sighed heavily and I rested my eyes again. God, why the hell am I so tried? I feel like shit right now, it's unbelievable. I laid in bed as I tried to recall what happened, ah right, Allison stood me up big time. Why didn't she show up? What was she doing and where could she have been? Does she really not care about us anymore? No, damn it I can't believe that I'm questioning our relationship right now, when I was the one that was so confident about her feelings. Was I wrong? God damn it, fuck this shit. I hate this, I thought and I felt a tear prickling my eyes. This isn't going anywhere, I need answers. Then suddenly, I remembered that Tracy and Kelly were at the beach, they should know right? I quickly looked over on my nightstand as I desperately searched for my BlackBerry which was charging. I slowly reached over, my entire body sore and not willing to move, but I got my BlackBerry and I unplugged the charger. The screen flicked on and my inbox was bombarded by text messages and missed calls. Most of them were from Tracy and Kelly, my heart sank because there were none from Allison. However, there were some from my friends in soccer and all those other clubs, probably wondering why I didn't show up, so I suppose it's not really important. I opened up the million of texts I have on my phone from Tracy and Kelly and began reading them. Most of the texts were asking where I was, if I'm okay, call them as soon as possible, and all that but none of the texts were talking about Allison. I glanced at the clock, reading 5:46pm, I guess it's only been two hours since the beach incident. I slowly sat up on my bed but immediately fell back down, I can't get up. My head is spinning like crazy and I was just too weak to move. I laid there staring and then suddenly, my phone rang and I immediately picked it up without looking at the caller display.
"Kyle!" Kelly exclaimed as soon as I placed the phone on my ear. "Are you okay?!"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I replied.
"Where were you? Do you know how many times Tracy and I called you?"
"Yeah, and you two even managed to almost max out my inbox with your text messages." I joked but Kelly didn't laugh.
"Kyle, what you did yesterday scared the shit out of Tracy and I." Kelly started, wait what? Yesterday?
"Yesterday?" I asked, confused.
"Yes...it's a new day already. You didn't come to school today either and after seeing you yesterday at the beach and how awful you looked, we were so scared something happened to you." I took my phone away from my ear and looked at the calendar on the screen, it was February 15th, no way, I passed out for more than twenty four hours? That's insane, I thought and I quickly placed my phone back onto my ear.
"Well, it seems like I passed out for twenty four hours" I replied, "I guess I am not very oriented right now."
"Are you okay? What happened?" Kelly asked, concerned.
"I'm not too sure myself Kelly. I literally just woke up ten minutes ago and I saw an IV attached to me." I explained.
"Look, Kyle." Kelly started. "I think we should talk."
"Kelly." I interrupted, I know where this 'talk' is heading to but right now, I'm not in the mood to talk. Yes, I do want answers about Allison but my heart is hurt, I don't know what to think about our relationship anymore, I need time to think. "Can we not?"
"Why not? You waited for Allison all-"
"Kelly, please." I interrupted her again.
"I know you and Tracy are concerned and worried about me, but right now I'm really not in the mood to talk about it." I replied, "I guess I'm probably not prepared to hear what you have to tell me about Allison."
"Kyle," Kelly said softly, "are you okay?"
"No, no I'm not." I replied, my heart is in my throat and it hurts. "I just want to be left alone for awhile, please understand." I sighed heavily, relieving some tension building up in my chest.
"I understand Kyle, but Allison's having a difficult time as well because of what you did."
"So you two come to the beach instead of her?"
Kyle, both you and Allison are our good friends. We can't stand watching you two like this."
"I know Kelly. But please, I'm having a difficult time here as well." I paused. "I really want to be left alone for now."
"Kelly, I will talk when I'm ready to and you know that. Right now, isn't the time."
"I understand." She paused and I didn't say anything. "Please, call me if you want to talk Kyle. Don't keep everything to yourself."
"I know. I won't." I replied softly.
"Call me okay?!" She repeated herself and I let out a small chuckle.
"Yeah, I will." I replied. "Bye." I hang up the phone and I dropped my phone onto my bed and I shut my eyes while letting out a sigh. Suddenly, I heard a lot of ruckus outside of my room, what now? I thought and I laid there, listening to the conversation outside.
"Let me in!" I heard Rachel's voice.
"I cannot." James replied.
"Why?!" Rachel yelled.
"Rachel, please keep your voice down." I heard my Mom. "Kyle's resting in there, please."
"Why can't I go in? For heaven's sake, Kyle's sick in there." Rachel exclaimed, her voice slightly lowered.
"That's the reason why you can't Rachel," My Mom replied, "you just started undergoing treatment, didn't you hear Dr. Taylor? Even a smallest cold can be fatal to you! Kyle is in there with the flu, there's no way I would let you in!"
"I'll be careful!" Rachel cried.
"No, I cannot allow you."
"Fine," Rachel gave up, "can you at least just leave the door open so I can peek in? I just want to see how Kyle's doing."
"Fine, I can agree to that. But you absolutely cannot come into the room okay?" My Mom replied and I waited to hear what Rachel would say but I heard nothing. "James, watch her." My Mom ordered and then the door knocked. I glanced over at my room door, and my Mom was standing there with a tray of food in her hand.
"Oh, you're finally awake Kyle." My Mom started to enter my room, behind her I saw James blocked Rachel from entering my room, her face filled with worries. "How are you feeling sweetie?" My Mom was now by my bedside and she placed the tray on my nightstand and then sat down on the edge of my bed.
"Like crap." I replied.
"I would assume so, plus you've been lying there for over twenty four hours, your body must be aching." My Mom replied and she placed her hand on my forehead. "It seems like your fever has gone down a bit."
"You're not going to ask?" I asked her, I know my Mom, she may seem like she doesn't care at times but she's a very overprotective Mom so she must be wondering why I stayed out all night.
"I already got the report from James." My Mom replied and she brushed my hair. "You love her don't you?" She whispered, so that Rachel couldn't hear.
"It doesn't matter." I muttered back, I glanced over at the door and Rachel was standing there, speechless but her eyes showed signs of relief. "Is Rachel starting treatment now?" My Mom nodded.
"Yes, but it's still best for her to stay at the hospital to do it, but she insisted that she comes back home every day because she can't stand being in the hospital for so long."
"Is she starting chemotherapy?" I asked and she nodded. "But-"
"I know what you're thinking Kyle. She's radiated, so that's why we have a separate room for her and we hired nurses for her. Dr. Taylor also visits when she's done her shift at the hospital just to double check on her."
"So Rachel already finished her treatment for today?" She nodded again
"It's still really risky for Rachel because she's so prone to infections and illnesses especially during chemotherapy treatment to be out and about. But we're taking all necessary steps to reduce her exposure to viruses and bacteria."
"I see." I muttered and I rested my eyes again, god why am I so tired?
"You should eat something before you sleep Kyle." My Mom started and I opened my eyes.
"I don't have an appetite Mom."
"I know you don't sweetie but you should really eat."
"I'll eat when I wake up again, I just want to rest."
"Okay then sweetie. I'll leave you for now, but I'll come check up on you later okay?" I rolled my eyes.
"I'm not a kid anymore Mom,"
"You're always a kid in my heart Kyle, rest up okay?" She smiled at me as she got up from my bed and I rolled my eyes at her. She made her way out the door and gently shut it behind her. I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. Well at least something good came out of me staying out all night, Rachel getting treatment. But just what am I going to do about Allison? Thinking about us breaking apart kills me, it's something that I don't ever want to happen but from what I see right now, it looks like it's heading that way. It hurt, I thought and tears started to stream down my face.
A/N: Hey everyone! I am so sorry that I haven't posted a chapter in forever! But I have been too busy with school and work that I barely even have time to sleep! However, I did manage to post out a long chapter this time so I hope this chapter makes up for the last one! I know I tried to finish this story for March, but clearly that isn't happening. But I'll try my best to post chapters faster now, but I can't really guarantee it :( but for now, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter!