Little Birdie

Day 1: Sweet and bitter things

Hello, I'm Nelly. Even if you don't want to know I'm still telling you this because I think knowing my name is important. I just found you after all and I would like for you to stay.

I'm now seven years old. It's a lot of years if you ask me. Especially to someone as small as me. My fingers are barely enough to count it.

What's your name?

Do you have a family? I do.

I love my parents. Without them I wouldn't even be see, they found me on the floor broken and lifeless when I was only a baby raven. Mother saved me by sewing my head to this body of mine. She's a real scientist, but I believe she's a God.

Mother says that Gods die in big cities... I want to see a big city someday, something like London or Paris. They have a lot of people in there and I imagine the air to be colorful. There skies are cherry red and you can eat sugary clouds. Even the grass is softer and brighter in its color.

In here it's always gray, and sometimes it rains for days. People walk on the streets blindly, but they never ever touch each other. It's odd and cold, but it keeps them safe, I guess. That's what we all want, isn't it? Safety.

But I can't leave. Partly because I don't have wings. I have two arms, two palms and ten very delicate fingers, just like a normal little girl. And partly because the eye. It doesn't want anyone to leave.

Father says that some day we are going to be freed from its gaze. There are other countries who are fighting for our rights, but I don't like them. The bombs that sometimes ravish this city aren't helpful at all. And the alarm is too loud, it scares me.

Day 1344: Learning to fly

I missed you! Where have you been for the last two days? I was so lonely without you. Were you punishing me too? I said I was sorry and I meant it this time.

I told Mother about you today.

She just laughed and patted my head. I didn't like the feeling it triggered. It twisted in my tummy painfully. I don't understand why we have to feel pain. Or feel at all... Most of the time there is no point for emotions, is there?

You want to know what else happened today?

I saw a butterfly.

It was so full of colors that I almost couldn't breathe. It was so beautiful and fragile. I want to be like it, but I can't. Mother says that ravens are supposed to be black from beak to tail, but I'm not a raven anymore nor am I a human.

It's strange. I'm strange.

People stare at me when I walk on the streets, but none of them ever smiles or greets me. It's unnerving, don't you think? I know I can't smile, but apparently others have beaks as well. They are just invisible.

The old lady from the bus stop has disappeared. She smiled at me once.

I asked Father where she was, but he couldn't tell me. I was disappointed in him. He used to be so smart, he knew everything.

Day 3650: The final reward

Ah, it's you again...

Don't mock me with that look! I've known you long enough to be able to read you clearly by now.

You're annoying. I wish you would just go away. I know you're not real. You never were.

You're the reason they sent me here. Mother said I would get better here, the traumas from the war would be healed in no time.

I didn't even know I was suffering.

The bed I sleep in is hard and sometimes I'm sure I can hear someone screaming. The walls are thin here. But it's not gray anymore. Now it's all white.

I hate white.

It's cold and pure, too clean. I just want to smear it with something, make it look less perfect.

Like me.