Is it possible
For a person to be so torn
Pain festers in their chest
Like a stagnant poison,
Feeding on and unraveling
Their soul's meticulous knitting?
Like a skilled weaver with nimble fingers
Like a beast with ravaged fangs
Like a stealthy, poisonous spy
Like a Love Potion #9 dart
Like a creature slashing through my heart
Like a whispered curse by some evil-doer.
Turning my heart into a rebellious vigilante.
Bring your army
This heart must be taken down.
Rebelling against us is not permitted.
We are realistic and reasonable
This wild, pathological thing
Beating uncontrollably in my ribcage-
We must control it.
It is not fair!
Love has a mind of its own
Instilled in my heart,
Telling me words
And weaving sweet lies
Until I almost believe them.
But I have reason and truth.
We shoot Love down
With our bullets of realism
And bombs of logic.
How dare you!
How dare you, heart,
Commit treason like this.
How dare you feed me beautiful scenarios
And spin beautiful dreams in my sleep.
I have an elephant on my chest
And snakes in my blood
Turning my own body against me.
I want to believe everything you say
And all the colors you show me.
But there is one factor you're miscalculating-
You can say that you love him
You can show me possibilities and hope
But everything depends on his heart
If his body is feeling the way mine is now.
Do you know if he even wants this?
Do you know if he hurts in the morning
After seeing a heartbreaking dream?
Do you know if he can't breathe when I walk by?
Does he look when I pass him?
All signs point to no.
While you're busy slashing and crashing my pulse
Fertilizing the flowers of my heart with potions,
Setting loose a beast to tear apart my basic composition,
Knitting my soul together with snippets of childish faith,
I am preparing against you, heart.
I will be fighting and biting all the way-
You be taken down kicking and screaming.
I will ravage my own heart,
Rototill my lovely garden,
Cage the beast that makes me feel alive
And tame every spontaneous cell
Just to bring you to your knees.
Will not control my body.
Nor my head nor my blood
Nor anything that belongs to me!
So while you may say
I love him
It could happen
Keep the faith
I am working against you.
My spies are carefully unhinging you
Nothing will happen
I shouldn't care for him so I won't.
My reasonable army will destroy my sanctum
So it is littered with your broken handiwork.
And when he finally steps through the door
He will know what I go through for him.
He will know that I truly love him
He will see the torment I survive.
When he picks up a shattered jar of roses
He will see their bloom has not faded
Their color is still vibrant, though dusty.
He will know everything in me is still hoping
That he knows how I feel and
He feels the same.
He will turn around and take my hand,
Tugging me to face the destruction of my greenhouse heart.
He will wipe away my tears and say
Everything is going to be alright,
We will fix this together.
He will rebuild a stone wall
And I will repot blossoms in vases from his heart.
The sun will blast through the glass ceiling
Washing the back of my neck with beams of relief
Soaking my body in the heat of my newly awakened organ.
We will turn the soil so it is fresh
And we will water the trees,
Just to watch the buds unfurl in front of our eyes.
My face, my lips, cannot stop smiling
Even though tears pour down my face.
I tremble as you press your lips to mine
And as my face rains with happiness,
The clouds let loose torrents of their pent-up tears
Sopping our hair and our clothes and our skin
Until we both are water
And we can't tell where each other begins.
As I watch your lips break into a heart-stopping smile,
A rainbow splits in the sky
Bringing forth a new kind of flower,
Lining a path between my greenhouse heart
So we will be connected forevermore.
So we can always run to each other if needed.
I have not left my army behind.
Reason and Logic and Sensibility?
They are in each flower,
Each drop of rain
Each beam of sunshine
Showering down on us.
The cavalry is dispersed,
The archers are disassembled,
The army is on leave,
The swordsmen have melted their blades,
The bomb-droppers are permanently on break.
My rebellious heart I once despised?
It was on the right track all along.
I was just missing one important factor-
A/n: Guess who wrote a 7-page poem? Me! And guess who has writer's block for "Wish Upon My Star"? Me again! To clear the air of my 'greenhouse', I don't LOVE the boy I wrote this about (he's my stupid muse. Seriously. It's annoying. But hey! Great poetry!), I just REEEEALLLY like him, though I'm very sure he doesn't like me back. I'm not even on his radar. But hey! That's where imagination comes in!
I really like this poem because it starts out as an internal war (*hint hint ambivalence*) and then happily ever after occurs. Siiigh. Some girl is going to get reallly lucky to get a guy like him. He's pretty great. So if he's married one day (not to me) and finds out all of this was for him . . . how awkward. For now, my invisble poetry is good enough. It has to be, because I have the guts of a chicken and he won't even look at me. Soooo yup.
This is very much mine! Reviews and readers are highly highly appreciated! (Seriously, I freak out over every single digit the (re)views go up). Thanks!