Warnings: Angst, cutting, angst. I hope the title could give you a clue as well..
A cooling sensation beginning from your wrists growing towards the rest of your body. A feeling of absolute euphoria, content, and something else.
A sense of escape that you haven't felt in a long while. It feels good, almost addictive actually. You want more. So you do it again, and the feeling spreads until you're hit with a certain light-headedness that makes you softly close your eyes. You let out a contented sigh, letting a small smile grace your face. You look at your reflection in the water and feel something amiss. You haven't seen that face with a smile in such a long time that the concept seems unfamiliar now, alien almost. That smile doesn't belong there.
You tilt your head to the side watching the rippled image do the same. You gingerly touch it, almost certain that it will jump out towards you the moment you make contact with it. But it doesn't. It never does. This creature in front of you seems to have no energy to even blink.
The feeling is almost gone and you are suddenly hit with a rush of emotions that you left behind for a moment or two. You miss it almost immediately after, that feeling of escape. You crave it like an addict would a drug. You can't help it. This drags you down and chains you to the ground almost as much as it frees you. Quite a paradox, you think to yourself.
You do it again.
It spreads around you almost as quickly as the first time, but it brings a sting of pain along with it. You shrug it off as nothing because, really, a small amount of pain added to your already full baggage doesn't make much of a difference, does it? So you accept it. Welcome it whole-heartedly actually.
You breathe in a lung full of oxygen, white dots filling your vision as you do so. You look at the creature again, and this time you see it being covered - hidden - by a cloud of red. Dark, deep and almost mesmerising. It's such a pretty colour, you think to yourself, and you can't help but swirl your finger around it. 'Round and 'round and 'round.
You feel yourself start to sway slightly. Left and right. Left and right. You find this amusing for some reason, and you start to giggle - a foreign sound to your ears. Your left hand begin to trace small patterns in the air, your right hand clutching a small metal object unconsciously. Your eyes are drawn to it as the fluorescent light bounce off of it, leaving a small wink in its wake.
You feel so light now, almost as light as a feather. A thought crosses your head - what if you can fly, like the birds up there in the sky so carefree. You feel a twinge of envy towards those birds. How dare they fly so freely while you're stuck here in this hell of a place? How dare they, you think angrily.
Your head tilts back as your body begin to relax. Your vision is filled with white dots until everything is enveloped in a blinding white light. Belatedly you take notice of an almost urgent banging from somewhere in the background. Who's that making such a racket, you wonder. But then you realise that you didn't care.
You don't care anymore.
You take one last shuddering breath before your whole body relaxes and sinks under the water. You're done trying to stay afloat. So now, you're finally free.
Your hand slowly unclenches, a trickle of blood flowing down onto the bathroom floor. The blood rusted blade falls down with a clink of finality.
Gone at last.