A Ghost of a Smile

The bloody blooms burst slowly. It slowly dilutes and ripples slowly and silently into the water. Steadily it drips, drips and drips designing red carnations with each resonating sound. She has her razor and she has her wrist and slowly, she feels the pain slip away. The water splashes the steam is gone. All that is left is the cold water that impales her skin. The bathroom is dim and the tile is white. The shower curtain, torn and worn out, hangs at the edge of her ceramic tub. She exhales a small breath and tilts her head back. Her slippery skin rises and falls from the water as her wrists spills onto the tile.

She looks down into the water, and at first, she sees a small waist and thin protruding hips. She sees the ridges of her ribs and the splotches of midnight blues and violets that match the darkness under her eyes. Then, above the surface, she sees a face. She sees a face in the pink tinted water and she wrenches a sob. Her voice is her only comfort. There is no angelic voice that will usher her to stop or a gentle hand to put away that bloody blade that is hanging with skin. The lights are flickering above her, and she wails. She haunches over and hears the poisonous words of that face infiltrating her mind.

Slash, slash, slash!

The blade has dropped into the water and she rips at her skin.

She screams and wails and no one can hear her. Her wrist is torn open and her heart is exposed. She tilts back again; she tilts back and drops her hand into the cold water. Like smoke, it fumes and swirls, it dances and it twirls. Her head falls to the side. It falls to the side, and when she looks down to the tile, she sees a smiling face. With drops of crimson and bath water, she sees her face, a photo, their photo. She stares at it. She smiles as she smiles. She will always smile. She can never change. In that picture, there is only pride and laughter. She's holding a little girl and the little girl is smiling stupidly at the camera. She slowly leans over the tub and takes that picture covering it in blotches and tears. The times that used to be sunny have been taken over by a hateful and spiting cloud that covers her face, shielding her eyes. She can't see past the darkness she can't face that past. She can't face the realities and truths that life can rip away.

The tears won't stop. She cries for her. Calling her as she used to so long ago, calling onto her as if she were to manifest in front of her. She looks at her smile again and this time it's quiet. There's a silence that settles after it sneaks in. She laughs. She laughs and giggles and nods.

"I understand now" she smiles wide.

"I'll come to you." She sighs. She sighs and looks away from her picture. Her eyes glaze over and become hollow. She lowers herself down and closes her eyes leaving that smile on her face. She lets out her breathe and look up at the surface. She slips under the water and caves into submission, smiling stupidly like the girl in the photo.