Saturday, March 16, 2013
Ok, so a lot has happened since I last updated this story. Basketball's over (FINALLY!). I had this whole fight with my parents about my spring sport, though. My parents wanted me to do softball because I was good, but I wanted to do track because it relieves my stress. With running, there's only one thing to think about: running. And it just makes me feel good about myself (something I really need). In softball, there's so much other shit to focus on, it just messes me up. Then I get yelled at for being a screw-up. I told my parents this, and after weeks of begging they let me go to track.
Also, I thought my depression was going away. I really did. But ever since last week, it's only gotten worse than before.
Craig and I have gotten a lot closer (it turns out we both have the same lunch period every 4 days, too). But then, I also met this other guy named Seth. I'm just gonna summarize it all because there's so much going on (PS here are the people I've told about my problems with these two: Marcy, Lyndsey, Megan, & Sam):
Feb. 14 - Valentine's Day: Chad drove Seth and I home. I just met him for the first time, but after that day he said hi to me in the hallway like we were best friends. He was really quiet and didn't say much. But then later, Chad get's a message on Facebook from him, asking if I would be his Valentine. I said no, and I ASSUMED it was just desperation. But you know what they say about assuming...
Feb. 15: Craig asked for my number during lunch. He texted me that night, most of the weekend, and some other times since then, too. We actually have a lot in common.
Mar. 8: Ever since I started getting to know Seth during track practice and stuff, I think I liked him. Today, he walked past my geometry class, saw me, and waved. Then, after track, I was waiting for Chad to get out of the locker room so we could leave, and I was alone with Seth. He asked for my number, and hugged me goodbye. I WAS happy. That night I was texting him, and realised how much I would rather be texting Craig. Then I realised I don't really like Seth all that much. As a friend, yes, but nothing more.
Mar. 9-10: Seth hasn't stopped texting me -_- He's really annoying.
Mar. 11: I know I like Craig more. I like him a LOT. Seth is annoying and I just want him to leave me alone. But Chad takes forever to change after track practice, so I was stuck alone with him again. Then, while we're standing there, he starts texting me. He said hi, so I texted hi back. Then, Chad's finally ready to leave, so we walk away, and I get his response: "You look cute". I threw a fit. I mean, why couldn't that be Craig?! WHY?! Why do I always fall for the wrong guys?
Mar. 12: Today was the only day this week I had lunch with Craig. My friend Rhea also has my lunch period. Her table is right next to mine, and she sits with Megan and Sam. Craig sits at my table, but I was talking with Megan, so I was at her table. All of a sudden, Rhea says "Oh, Stephanie, by the way, the guy you like is really hot. I'm thinking about liking him." I flipped out on her and asked who he was, just to see if we were talking about the right person. She pointed to Craig, so I ran off. My life is ruined. If she knows who I like, she WILL find a way to fuck up our relationship. The last guy she tried to set me up with doesn't even talk to me anymore. Rhea and Megan followed me, but eventually I got Rhea to go away so I could explain to Megan what was wrong. Megan's my most trustworthy friend - I literally tell her everything. But after she explained, she told me that Sam - another very trustworthy friend - had told Rhea I liked Craig. Why? Because Rhea had said that she thought she might like Craig, so Sam thought she was protecting me by telling her that I liked Craig, so Rhea shouldn't like him. 1) Craig thinks she's a total creep, so she's not much competition, and 2) If he did choose to go out with her, I wouldn't care. As long as he's happy, I can try and move on with my life. And now, I know I can't trust one of my best friends. But I was angry at everyone over this, so I needed to sit somewhere else for the remaining 5 minutes of lunch. I saw Craig sitting with some of his friends that I knew, trying to copy homework, so I sat with them. Watching them fight over who could or couldn't see the answers kind of made me feel better. All of a sudden, Craig looked at me and said "Have you been crying?" I said a little, because it was true; I DID cry. If he was going to say anything else, it was cut off by his friend attacking him to get the homework answers back. But still, at least he noticed I had been crying. No one ever notices I cry.
Mar. 13: After school today, I told Lyndsey about my fight with Rhea and everything that happened at lunch yesterday. Later that night, she told Craig about Rhea liking him, so that he could protect himself. Cuz she pulls some crazy shit when she likes a guy... Then there's Seth. Again, I'm waiting for Chad, and Seth and I are talking alone again. I was scared that he was gonna make a move on me or something, so I was texting Megan while talking to him. Then, he starts texting me again. He asked if I thought he was a creep, and despite what I truly thought, I said no. Then he texts me and tells me I'm gorgeous. I tried not to show my anger. I mean, if he really thought that, he would say it out loud. But Megan has to stop texting me, so I'm completely alone. Then a miracle happens. The lacrosse team comes in from practice, so I walk away from Seth to talk to Carmen. I tell her what great timing she has, then explain my problems with Seth. I walk with her to the locker room, then I go back to face Seth again. He's standing there, holding the door open for all the lacrosse players. As I walk over, he says to me "This is what a true gentleman would do." Ok, NOW you're just being obvious and obnoxious about this. When he was done, he asked me if I had a boyfriend - OUT LOUD (surprising, right?). I said no, then an awkward silence followed. I was afraid of what might come next, so I told him I would be right back, and ran towards the locker room to hide from him and wait for Carmen. When she got out, I explained what happened, and she said she would wait with me until I had to leave to protect me. Nothing happened after that.
Mar. 14: Madison, Craig, Lyndsey, and I are all scared now. We all know about Rhea liking Craig, and know that she'll use us to get to him if necessary. She usually stalks her crushes, so Craig thinks he should start carrying a gun and a knife to protect himself (which is going a little to far, if you ask me). Rhea hates Lyndsey and Madison and they hate her back, so they know Rhea will do something to hurt them. I'm just scared that she's mad at me because of what happened a couple days ago. And on top of being scared of Rhea, Seth texts me and asks if I want to skip geometry tomorrow to walk with him. HAHA no. I told my mom, and Chad overheard, so now they're both mocking me about this. Great.
Mar. 15 - Yesterday: I apologized to Rhea for flipping out on her, because it wasn't her fault. So we're ok now. Later, Lyndsey texted me that Craig thinks I like him. I asked her if he like me, but she thinks he only likes me as a friend. I told her that I was fine, because as long as he's happy with his life, then it would be easy to get on with mine. She thought this was very cool of me to not be so upset about it, but really, I'm just glad to finally know the truth. So maybe I can get on with my life. Before, I was focusing on Craig, and practically ignoring all the other guys who could possibly like me. I've honestly started to think about giving Seth a chance, but he's really creepy. He asked me where I live, and suddenly he knows the names of all my friends and Chad is his best friend. It's just... creepy. There's no other word for it. But I'm a little confused with my life right now, so I don't know what I'm going to do.
There's also been this other problem with one of my friends. I already talked about her in this story, but I won't use her name because it's too close to her real name, and I don't want her to find out about this. But she's really depressed, and she cuts herself. Megan has got her to at least do it less than usual, but it's still a problem. She's told some of her friends about her depression, but they talk about her behind her back and say she's being "stupid" "over dramatic" and "idiotic". I overheard them talking about it, and her problems are even worse than mine, so I understand. But I don't know how to talk to her about her friends doing this to her without her getting even more depressed. And I want to talk to her about mine and her problems, so maybe we can get through this together, but then she would know that I know about her problems, and she would want to know how I found out, and... I just don't know how to handle this. It's bringing me down more than usual. So if you think you can help me out, please PM me or leave a review, I would really appreciate it.
~The Amazing Steve