WARNING: Okay, so I was in a bad mood when I did this. Any book, film, song ect. Mentioned in this story is used as a reference to my feelings or to give people something to look for to understand my appreciation. This is JUST me ranting out! I may swear and I am terribly sorry about that. I claim the rights of most of what I say in these. Anything else will be credited in parentheses along with my appreciation of the work! Thank you, and enjoy :D

Blah blah blah.. Good grief! Okay so I found an acceptable theory on werewolves and I am utterly satisfied with that one. Something genetic all humans have that is triggered by someone who has this gene coursing through his body. Done. Makes sense. No immortality crap, no odd silver bullet cup-of-piss myths. Great!

Now, I'm just lacking something real about vampires. I am sick and tired of hearing about the constant moaning of humans droning on about how they are immortal and super fast. Bullshit. There you have it. My statement: Bullshit.

Having endured enough myths about vampires all from burning in the sun to shine like little gay fairies ( I love gay people, btw 3 sweetest people ever, and I do go in for marriage equality!). So I'm fed up. Done. And I am sick and tired of the supernatural aspect of it. Yeah yeah, vampires should be all mighty and superior. Can't you be without being superhuman?

Okay... having collected different theories in my mind over a long period of time, I have come to terms with the fact that vampires can be just as human as werewolves (Refer to 'The Werewolf's Guide to Life' by Ritch Duncan and Bob Powersit's amazing).

Okay first of: The whole sun burning/shinning theories.. That's a tough one I know, but let me put it like this. Imagine that vampirism is just as much a gene in the human structure as the lycanthropy. Now that was not so hard. Now take the vampirism to the stage of a disease rather than a genetic advantage. Yes, Vampires are supposed to be dead, big deal. An illness which turns your skin utterly pale and makes our degree of response to the the sun rays 100 times worse.

There. If you tanned before, you may very well just feel a light tingle on your skin. Did you feel a light tinkle or any other uncomfortable signs of light sun allergy, you may get serious sun burned. Had a horrible sun allergy before? Stay the hell out the sun mate. It's not going to help you a great deal with your very pale skin and your now exposed organs. On the other hand did you not tan at all in the sun a light migraine might develop due to the sharp light. Remember when you're ill you're more likely to respond in a more negative way to light than when you are well and by good health.

Nowmoving on: craving for blood? Yeah, well if you say so. Some people already suffer from lack of iron and a disease in older times forced you to drink blood to regain your strength. So, naturally a disease which burns off all your iron way faster than you can consume and only craves for more will in the end lead to an enormous prescription of iron supply pills. That or you could drink blood. As blood already holds a large amount of iron that would probably be to prefer. Don't g around killing humans fellas now!

Now you'll probably start complaining about the fact that some myths claims a liking of specific blood for some vampires. Think of it this way. Humans have different types of blood and initially each vampire would be dawn to the blood type they themselves held before they became ill and lost blood. Other types of blood might work due to your own now low amount of blood an iron is in general very much the priority in your nutrition cycle.

Don't give me the whole talk about how you should be able to taste different things from the blood as a vampire, or each blood type has a specific taste. Honestly, blood tastes like blood and always will. No magic can change that. Basically your new need for fluids with a high amount of iron is like your personal prescribed medicine. No medicine tastes good, so why should blood which will be what keeps you alive?

Third of: As an ill individual you WILL die if someone pokes a stick through your heart, you WILL die if someone puts you on fire, and honestly garlic is no more dangerous than a cucumber, so get over it, unless you're allergic to garlic, just keep staying away from it... Just a good piece of advice from a hay fever plagued soul.

You're NOT magically cured because you start drinking blood and call yourself a vampire. Yes you may think that everything will be great and you will have a better health and all that jazz. Yes, your health might increase due to your new healthy consumption of iron and you may be able to physically do things a bit better. Think of it a doping when we talk sports. You drink extra blood to have extra to use. It's the same thing, basically, so no fancy tricks there. Sorry!

The fun part: Fangs? Pff... you better go buy yourself a pair then, and choose the modelling option, they have a better fit and can be worn of any length of time having been moulded correctly. So no, no fancy sharp teeth will develop at any point in your life. As I said you could purchase yourself a pair of fancy fangs or you could go to the dentist and get him to sharpen them, or you could do so yourself ( not recommended though. As I said you're not superhuman and sharpening your teeth will damage the ).

Only a few points left!: The smell. Ever had the pleasure of entering a room with the smell like something had just died in there. Yeah, thought so. Blood never smells very pleasantly when it starts to decay so obviously anyone devouring blood would probably start to smell pretty dead after a while. So all there is to say is that maybe you should shower a bit more often and use some heavy duty perfume and deodorant.