I come up with an amazing pickup line and guy after guy fails to appreciate it, then she shows up… and chaos ensues at Target. FF oneshot
I stood in the movie section of Target contemplating what new release I should buy my brother for Christmas. To be honest they all kinda looked the same, either super action packed with explosions on the front of sappy looking dramas. He was the big movie buff of the family….
I sighed and closed my eyes. I hovered my hand over the movies and as in my head I said the ennie meanie miny moe song. You are it… I opened my eyes and saw that I was pointing at some kids movie with an alien on the cover. I doubt my 25 year old brother would enjoy that much.
"Dammit," I said under my breath. Out of the corner of my eye I caught movement and subtly looked over. It was an incredibly good looking guy looking through the movies as well. My face flamed a bit, hoping he hadn't caught my childish act of closing my eyes and pointing. I looked back at him, as subtly as possible. He was super tall, like over 6 feet and had light brown hair.
Suddenly a pick up line popped into my head. My favorite movie is me seducing the pants off you. I stifled my laughter as much as possible. What if I actually did that? That would be so hilarious.
Looking back at him I realized I had to do it. I doubt it would be effective but the guy hadn't even noticed me anyway and it was too hilarious to pass up. I turned my body to face him and took a deep breath. "Hey." He looked up and stood up even taller than I would have thought possible. I felt really small at 5' 4". Come on Josie, you can do this. "My favorite movie is the one where I'm seducing the pants off you." It tried to end it with a confident smile but it must have looked weird 'cause I was fighting off laughter at the same time. His eyes bugged out a bit before he let out a nervous chuckle, then he turned heel and walked away more quickly than I thought was necessary. Oh well, a man without a good sense of humor is no good at all.
There had to be someone in the world who appreciated my humor right? That was way too good of a pickup line to waste on one loser, albeit good looking, guy. I know- I'll stay here, using that line until someone finally appreciates it, well until a good-looking guy around my age appreciates it anyway. I don't wanna end up being kidnapped by one of those guys on To Catch a Predator….
I walked around the movie section a bit, looking for another guy to hit on. I realized that that was kinda creepy so I decided I would stay in one place and hope the men will walk over towards me. I decided to cool it in the action movie new releases. What better spot to look for a cute guy seventeen to twenty years old? A mom with two kids, one in a stroller and one toddler terrorizing the store by running around and hitting things walked by rather slowly. Trailing behind them in such a manner that it looked like he wasn't with them but was walking in the same direction was a blonde guy. He looked a bit older than twenty but was so cute that it made up for it. He had delicious green eyes and slightly wavy blonde hair. He wasn't as tall as the last guy but hopefully he would have a better sense of humor. I waited for the mother to go onto a different aisle before I pounced. I'd rather not have an audience if it went poorly. I took a few steps closer to him, pretending to examine the movies next to him. He picked one up with a massive explosion on the front and I turned to him. "You know my favorite movie is the one where I'm seducing the pants off you." I gave him my best good-hearted smile. His eyes grew wide, like the previous guy's had. He promptly put the movie back, in a different area then he had found it mind you, and walked away even more quickly than the last guy. I let out a huff, was it really that creepy? Does no one see the hilarity in this? Maybe Target just has bad humored customers; maybe I should go to Walmart and try it out.
I stand there for a bit, pretending to still be looking at movies while I contemplate stopping. I'm not bad looking, well maybe a little plain with my brown eyes and hair, but not ugly. I sighed, no it's definitely the men, they are the ones who are weird.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement and got really hopeful. I looked to see that it was a girl. She looked to be a few years older than me but that could be just because she was dressed nicer than I had even seen anyone at my high school dress. She wore a grey, formfitting coat (damn she had some nice curves) with dark skinny jeans and small heeled shoes- which still put her about an inch or two shorter than me. Her hair was a light brown with highlights of bright blonde- something I normally thought looked skunk like but she managed to pull it off. Well I struck out with the guys why not try her? I shook the thought out of my head, I'm not gay. She is really cute though so I may as well try, right? I mean maybe I'm gay and I just never tried. I did kiss that girl once for truth or dare. It was just a peck though so I couldn't really tell if I had liked it or not… Why not try? She'll probably just run away like the guys anyway. I took another peek at her. Well she's cute enough that I wouldn't mind going on a date with her if it were to work out.
I took a deep breath and turned to her. I leaned against the movie shelf, trying to look cool and not like a creeper. "My favorite movie is the one where I'm seducing the pants off you." Her eyes got big, just like the guys' had and I was like oh shit, not again. Then laughter broke out. She started laughing so hard she dropped the movie she had picked up. I chuckled a bit with her, hoping it wasn't an oh-god–that-girl-is-so-creepy laugh. I picked up the movie and handed it to her as she started to collect herself.
"I was walking around this section where I heard you say that to the tall guy. I almost peed myself it was so good." She said.
I laughed, glad that someone had finally found it funny, "Well I am glad I could entertain you this evening miss." I bowed to her and in a flash of genius (or maybe stupidity) I grabbed her hand and lightly kissed it, then promptly turned red. Where the hell had that come from?
She giggled, thank god. "After watching you fail yet I again I decided to wander over here to see if you would say the same to me."
"I contemplated it a bit and realized that I might get a better reaction from a girl." I replied.
"Oh and here I thought you said it because I was so cute." She smiled.
My stomach did a summersault, "Well that too miss. What's your name?" I changed the subject because I was a bit uncomfortable with her staring at me with those beautiful grey eyes.
"Melissa, yours is..?"
I blushed yet again when I realized I had asked her name without giving mine. "Josie."
"Well Josie, were you doing that just for fun," she took a step closer to me, "or were you actually hitting on me?" Melissa took another half step towards me so that she was so close out noses were a mere inch apart.
I gulped. She had on some kind of pink lip gloss that made her full lips even more enticing. Before I could contemplate her lips for long I closed the distance between us and captured her lips in mine. They were soft and her lip gloss tasted sweet. My hands drifted around her waist when I realized she was kissing back. Her hands went behind my neck, tangling in my long hair. Melissa tried to deepen the kiss but I pulled back a little, playing with her. I took her bottom lip between my teeth and lightly scraped it. She gasped and I used that opening to deepen the kiss with my tongue. I eventually forgot how to breathe and pulled away. "Wow," I was breathing a little hard and looked at her to see I wasn't the only one, "I've never kissed a girl like that before. Maybe I'm gay."
Melissa laughed, "That's what all the girls say to me, I'm a converter."
I smiled and realized my hands where still on her waist. I pulled her back towards me so that our bodies were touching, "Well, Melissa the converter, would you like to go on a date with me?"
"Yes, but only if we go to see that movie," she replied.
"That movie where I'm seducing the pants off you," she winked and I laughed.
Then I kissed her again and didn't really want it to stop but I had to come up for air again. "Well, Miss Melissa, what are you doing tonight?"
"Tonight's no good; I have this date with a girl I met in Target."
"Cheeky girl," I kissed her again and again. It had never felt this good before, kissing someone. Maybe I really was gay. I pushed it out of my mind, not wanting to ruin the moment with annoying thoughts that I could think later, when there wasn't a beautiful girl in front of me needing to be kissed. "Let's stay here and have a Target date, since it's too late to go elsewhere."
She looked at her wrist watch and saw that it was almost midnight; luckily this Target was open 24hrs, unlike most places on a Tuesday night. "Ok." She smiled and I felt the need to kiss her again.
I grabbed her hand and we walked to the toy section of the store- clearly the best aisle for a date. I pulled her into the Nerf aisle. "Behold the greatest aisle in all of target!"
Melissa laughed and grabbed a Nerf rapier, "On guard."
I grabbed a broadsword, "Well miss I must warn you I have been trained in the arts of mortal combat for many years!"
She easily landed a blow on my left side. "I'm in the fencing club at my college."
"So I've captured a dangerous older woman I see." I tugged on the end of her sword and pulled her towards me. I gave her a light kiss on the nose as I brought my broadsword done to lightly hit her on the hip. "Touche, madam."
"Madam?" She quirked her nicely plucked eyebrow, "Just how much older do you think I am?"
"Well since I'm a junior, in high school, at least three years; unless you skipped some grades."
Melissa twisted her rapier from my grip and back away. She got into a very professional fencing position (or at least it looked very professional). Then she shrugged out of her jacket.
I was stunned, "Damn you are even hotter than I thought." I winced at that, it didn't sound like much of a complement but I had been floored by her tight fitting shirt. She had a tiny waist and yet her boobs weren't that small. They weren't as big as mine but proportionally they looked big on her.
She smiled. "You should take your sweatshirt off, or do I have to defeat you first?"
I wasn't wearing anything jaw-dropping like her, just a t-shirt. It fit alright but comparative to her I may as well be wearing ratty old pajamas. "Well dangerous hot girl I think I'm going to make you work for it." I lounged and tried to strike as fast as possible. She very easily parried and went for a counter strike. I back flipped away.
The look on Melissa's face was priceless. "Holy shit, are you a ninja?"
I smiled, "Nope, I'm a cheerleader." She had an incredulous look on her face. "Really, I know I don't look the part, they just put me in the back, but I am really good at gymnastics. I was never good enough for the Olympics, that a whole different level but I am more than good enough for the high school cheer team. The bimbos really needed to spice up their team."
"Wow, well that beats my fencing skills, even if I have gotten really good at saber. I'm not Olympic quality either."
"Sounds like we're more alike than we could have imagined," I smiled and lounged, hoping to catch her off guard.
She parried and countered me, this time hitting, "I win, take off your sweatshirt Josie." She smirked as I lifted it over my head. My shirt got pulled up a bit with it so I ended up flashing her bit of my stomach. Luckily the gymnastics kept me toned but I was still heavier than most twig gymnasts. My boobs are definitely too big for the Olympics.
Suddenly she was right next to me. I managed to get the sweatshirt off of me and when I looked at her she kissed me. It was just as electric as all the previous kisses had been. The shelf was just to the right of us and I had a great idea. I put on hand behind her hand and one on her waist and spun her into the shelf, making sure she didn't hit her head. I heard the breath leave her at impact and she deepen the kiss. Her hands tangled in my hair, pulling a bit. I lightly bit her lip and felt her breathing increase.
"Mommy why are there two girls kissing?"
We broke apart to find the toddler that had walked by me earlier staring at us. We looked back at each other, wide eyed and ran. I grabbed her hand to make sure we didn't get separated and we ran past the electronic section to the DIY section. We stopped behind a shelf to get our breath back.
"Stupid kid," I murmured as I went for another kiss. Melissa most willingly obliged. My hands went back to her waist. I could feel the heat of her skin through her shirt. I dropped my hand to her hem and slowly traced my fingers up underneath it until I made light contact with her skin. I brushed my fingertips over the smooth, warm skin of her hip. She gasped and I was pretty sure that was due to my fingers being rather cold. I couldn't have done this if she had been wearing her coat.
Her coat. Oh shit. My eyes flew open and I pulled away from her. "Melissa we forgot our coats in that aisle."
"Dammit, it was just getting good too."
I grinned at her, "Well we can pick this up at another time, after all we still have that movie to see." I wiggled my eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
She laughed and hit me lightly. "Ok, let's go get those troublesome coats."
I grabbed her hand and we started walking back to the toy section when we heard a soft bang and an "Oh shit".
We looked at each other and they started walking the direction of the bang.
"Shut up man, do you want someone to find us before we have some fun?" a male voice said.
I slowed down our stride, it didn't sound like something good was going on.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" another male voice chimed in, they could have been much older than me, "We could get into some serious trouble."
"We're not going to get into any trouble, we're minors."
I looked at Melissa and stopped. This did not sound good. We were in the fishing and hunting section. I never understood way a target had one of these sections anyway. I don't think they had any real guns but I knew they carried air soft guns and ammo. "Melissa," I whispered and she looked at me, "go find someone who works here."
"You're coming with me." She tugged on my arm.
"I can't, I gotta make sure no one gets hurt. We know there is at least one kid here. I'm pretty sure it's just air soft guns, there are only three of them anyway."
"Yeah and there's only one of you. It's not…"
I shut her up with a kiss. "Melissa, go and get help." I stared into her eyes, willing for her to go.
She looked pained, "Ok." She kissed me and then ran off fairly silently for a girl wearing shoes with heels.
I looked back towards the aisle where the voices had been coming from. It was ominously quiet except for the sound of something ripping open. I walked to the aisle. I could probably scared them off by just showing up. I stopped right before revealing myself and took a deep breath. I saw that there was a stand with glasses, the type you wear at a shooting range to protect your eyes. I put a pair on, better safe than sorry- even if I did look like an idiot.
"What are you guys doing?" I walked to the aisle and looked at them. They looked to be about fifteen and fairly familiar- I'm guessing they went to my school. They had, unfortunately already gotten the guns out and were putting in ammo. I looked up, wondering why there weren't security cameras. I saw that there were. Are these guys' idiots?
"You guys do realize there are security cameras right? I pointed up and they looked up. They got pale and two looked at the guy on the right; I guess he was the leader. He pulled up his gun so it was pointing at me. I didn't even bother putting my hands up in the air. I brought them in front of me as he shot. It stung, especially on my arms, where I had no covering.
"Shoot the bitch." The other two started shooting too. I looked up over my arms and realized they weren't that far away. I ran forward and tackled to two on the right by flinging my arms out at the last moment. Luckily they were skinny little guys otherwise I doubt I would have brought them down. The other guy went running. I looked down at the two I had tackled and saw they were out cold. I guess they had hit their heads when I tackled them. I found some fishing line and tied their hands together, in case they woke up.
I realized the other guy had run in the direction of the toy department, with his gun. I started running after him as fast as possible, thinking about that kid and his mom. I caught up with him in the bike aisle, where I guess he had stopped for a rest. He got up off the ground when he saw me and started shooting. The shooting stopped my momentum as I protected my face. He got up and ran. I followed on the other side of the aisles.
He ran into the kid, almost literally. He grabbed the kid with on hand and pointed the gun with his other hand. "Don't move bitch." The kid started crying, who could blame him? I stopped moving. This seemed very excessive. Then I noticed who bloodshot his eyes were and how fast he was breathing. Even with running that much a fifteen year old shouldn't be breathing that hard. I realized that he must be on something. I didn't know much about drugs so I couldn't guess which one but he was definitely wacked out big time.
"Leave the kid out of it." I spotted a baseball on the shelf to my right and knew I'd be able to distract him. But wouldn't he just shoot the kid. I mean yeah the kid wouldn't die but he might get an eye taken on or something. The kid also looked too scared to run away on his own. Then I saw his mother come up behind the guy. She looked terrified. I looked at her and she looked back at me. I winked to give her warning, grabbed the baseball and threw it as hard and fast as I could at the guy. He let go of the kid to catch it and the mother grabbed the kid and ran away. Well at least that got taken care of. I then ran down the aisle and put all the force into one tackle. I knocked him into a shelf against the back wall of the store. It hurt but he got the worst of it. He was knocked out. I grabbed the gun and hefted him over my shoulder to carry him back to his friends so I could tie him up too. Thank god he wasn't that heavy and I had to be strong for gymnastics. I carried him back to his friends and found Melissa there with an employee and a manager. I put the guy down and tried him up. I handed the gun to the manager and sat on the floor.
"What happened?" The manager asked as Melissa ran off somewhere and the employee stared at me, mouth open.
"These guys opened guns and put ammo in- thank you Melissa." She had come back with a folding camo chair for me. I sat in it; it felt much better than the floor. Melissa stood next to me and grabbed my hand. "I got Melissa here to get someone and I tried to stop them. They shot at me. I took down these two and then ran after the other. He held a kid hostage but I managed to take him down without the kid getting hurt."
"Damn girl." The manager started at me in surprise, "I call the police and they should be here in a few minutes. Could you wait here to make a statement?"
"Sure, as long as I don't have to move."
He smiled and then turned to the employee. "Go find the child that she was talking about."
"He and his mom were in the toy section." I added. The employee nodded and ran off.
The manager turned back to me, "Will you be alright by yourself with these guys? I will send over someone as quickly as possible."
I looked at Melissa and she nodded. I nodded as well. They were still out anyway. The manager left and Melissa slapped each of the guys.
"You do realize you're probably going to wake them up if you do that right?" She turned to me and slapped me, much more gently then she had the guys.
"I was worried about you. Don't do something stupid like that. You could have really gotten yourself hurt!"
"Calm down Mel," I decided I liked that nickname for her, "it was just some stupid kids with air soft guns; I wasn't in any real danger."
I shushed her. "Hey Mel, do you think you could go get our coats, I'm getting kinda cold." It would also give her time to cool off. Maybe she wouldn't be so mad when she got back and we could get back to the kissing. And the movie. I giggled, unable to contain it. One stupid pickup line and I get an adventure at Target. Sounds like some kind of bad action movie.
"Stupid bitch, let us go." I guess at least one of the guys were awake now. I hope that the manager or an employee comes back soon; I don't think I could take them down again.
"I don't think so, idiot." I roll my eyes, like I would let them go after all that trouble I went to to stop them.
"Damn, who's that hot girl?" I look up and see Mel walking down the aisle. One of the guys let out a cat call. I guess they're all awake now, great.
She stops in front of me and drops coats. Melissa straddles me and kisses me before I can even think. The guys start saying something but I'm not paying attention and flip them the bird from behind Mel's back. I hear someone walk up but I'm enjoying this too much and don't care if we get caught. I guess I'm gay afterall.
We hear a throat getting cleared and Melissa pulls away but doesn't get off my lap.
"The cops are here," says a rather red faced employee. I see cops coming up behind him but make no move to get Mel off my lap and she doesn't move either.
"Hey, Miss Melissa, this might take awhile. We could end our date here and pick up again another time."
She kisses me, "No way, I wanna see that security footage of you taking down these guys. Besides you still owe me that movie."
We laugh and I kiss her again. Best night of my life.