Once upon a busy street
Were the eyes that dared to meet
They smiled, they laughed, they shone, and danced
Because here was the start of a new romance
Well, it didn't exactly go like that. I can't honestly tell you my first memory of him.
He started out as part of the background. We had the same classes and played together during gym.
Eventually, he went from being one of the guys to being a cute guy, to being my crush.
And somewhere in between the fourth and seventh grade, I thought i was in love.
But, he didn't even know that I existed, yet alone that I liked him. So to even mention love? Insane.
I thought I'd start out by dropping hints.
I laughed at all the jokes
I smiled because it was the only thing that was guaranteed widely received.
I flirted outrageously before I even knew what flirting meant.
When that didn't work...
I flashed him because i didn't know bodies have value.
Once upon a moment
There was a kiss stolen
A young girl heartbroken
And a guy without a care in the world
What started out as innocent childhood infatuation quickly became lust's inspiration.
I had to keep up the illusion.
All i wanted to do was touch him
I didn't want to sex him
I didn't want to eff him
I just wanted to touch him
To feel his warm skin on mine
To look right into his eyes
And to kiss him
To run my tongue over his lips
To suck his tongue, a preview for his...
I wanted to feel his hardness in between my legs
If he'd just come a little closer
Did he like it when I begged?
His teasing was pushing me far enough
It made walking away tough
I just wanted him closer, as my lover
For him to feel my heartbeat in his chest
The round firmness that is my breasts
Run his hands in between my thighs
Because my cries of ecstasy
Were hard to subdue
All the while I played the part, of the the willing harlot I took inventory of all that I knew would eventually be lost.
He was a good guy. He loved hard and loyally.
He always said what he meant. He valued honesty and trust.
He could count his friends on one hand and he knew them like the back of it.
He didn't take anyone's crap, and he always kept it 100.
He was going to be a great man.
Once he figured out who he wanted to be and what exactly he wanted out of life
He would be unstoppable
And I would be long gone.
I wanted a timestamp
A solid farewell
Something tangible to reassure me that
All was well
I wanted to hate him
I wanted to love him
I wanted something sure and not the in between
Was I delusional?
Or overtly lucid of what's going on?
To have wanted a black and white, was that so wrong?
I always swore the last time was the last time
And every goodbye was the end
Round and round we went my friend
There was hello again
Did I stay?
Now there was a question...
Being patient and impatient
(Working in extremes)
Being silent or in a scream
I was selfishly unselfish
When it came to his dreams
Because it made me happy to see him serene
But it broke my heart to see him where he didn't belong
And I felt weak and powerless when I couldn't help him stay strong
Torn when I couldn't physically
I'd never felt so helpless
But God's strength was made perfect in my weakness
So where I proved speechless
There were words to pray
When the situation forced me stagnant
I fought for victory the only way
I knew how
With my Bible and fasting, I used the power
To show the devil he was a liar
"he" wouldn't use my feelings against me
And even in my moments of weakness
It was God who was still with me
So even in that
I counted it a victory.