Once upon a busy street

Were the eyes that dared to meet

They smiled, they laughed, they shone, and danced

Because here was the start of a new romance

Well, it didn't exactly go like that. I can't honestly tell you my first memory of him.

He started out as part of the background. We had the same classes and played together during gym.

Eventually, he went from being one of the guys to being a cute guy, to being my crush.

And somewhere in between the fourth and seventh grade, I thought i was in love.

But, he didn't even know that I existed, yet alone that I liked him. So to even mention love? Insane.

I thought I'd start out by dropping hints.

I laughed at all the jokes

I smiled because it was the only thing that was guaranteed widely received.

I flirted outrageously before I even knew what flirting meant.

When that didn't work...

I flashed him because i didn't know bodies have value.

Once upon a moment

There was a kiss stolen

A young girl heartbroken

And a guy without a care in the world

What started out as innocent childhood infatuation quickly became lust's inspiration.

I had to keep up the illusion.

All i wanted to do was touch him

I didn't want to sex him

I didn't want to eff him

I just wanted to touch him

To feel his warm skin on mine

To look right into his eyes

And to kiss him

To run my tongue over his lips

To suck his tongue, a preview for his...

I wanted to feel his hardness in between my legs

If he'd just come a little closer

Did he like it when I begged?

His teasing was pushing me far enough

It made walking away tough

I just wanted him closer, as my lover

For him to feel my heartbeat in his chest

The round firmness that is my breasts

Run his hands in between my thighs

Carefully

Because my cries of ecstasy

Were hard to subdue

All the while I played the part, of the the willing harlot I took inventory of all that I knew would eventually be lost.

He was a good guy. He loved hard and loyally.

He always said what he meant. He valued honesty and trust.

He could count his friends on one hand and he knew them like the back of it.

He didn't take anyone's crap, and he always kept it 100.

He was going to be a great man.

Once he figured out who he wanted to be and what exactly he wanted out of life

He would be unstoppable

And I would be long gone.

So,

I wanted a timestamp

A solid farewell

Something tangible to reassure me that

All was well

I wanted to hate him

I wanted to love him

I wanted something sure and not the in between

Was I delusional?

Or overtly lucid of what's going on?

To have wanted a black and white, was that so wrong?

I always swore the last time was the last time

And every goodbye was the end

Round and round we went my friend

There was hello again

Did I stay?

Now there was a question...

Being patient and impatient

(Working in extremes)

Being silent or in a scream

I was selfishly unselfish

When it came to his dreams

Because it made me happy to see him serene

But it broke my heart to see him where he didn't belong

And I felt weak and powerless when I couldn't help him stay strong

Torn when I couldn't physically

Remedy

His ailments

I'd never felt so helpless

But God's strength was made perfect in my weakness

So where I proved speechless

There were words to pray

When the situation forced me stagnant

I fought for victory the only way

I knew how

With my Bible and fasting, I used the power

To show the devil he was a liar

"he" wouldn't use my feelings against me

And even in my moments of weakness

It was God who was still with me

So even in that

I counted it a victory.