Hi, My name is Ebba Louise. I'm thirteen years old right now. I'm blonde and have blue eyes. I wear black and purple glasses and tan skin. I'm kinda average... Except that I like girls. I have a girlfriend and I live with my mother.

My mother is against everything that I am. She want's me to change. She want's me to grease my face with creams and pick my eyebrows. She want's me to go out with guys and says that I can't meet my girlfriend anymore. She sometimes screams at me because of something unimportant, like, that I forgot to take out the dishes or took the last of the milk.

But the real fighting started when I started6th grade. I started getting tired and I always went to bed when I got home. Mom would come home and she that I hadn't done anything. She would start screaming at me, then she would call me an ungrateful little freak and go to the stables.

And I would sit there. Alone. And then, when my tears had stopped dripping, I would walk to the bathroom and take a razor. I would sit one the bathroom floor and not care about anything else than the razor. I would watch it. Then I would bring it down to my inner thigh and make one slash for everytime I felt something when we fought.

One day, I didn't feel anything... Nothing at all. I just sat there and stared at it.

I started to not feel anything. I started to talk less. When you mother would ask me things I would answer a quiet 'I don't know'. It made her angry and we would fight even more. I would cry and she would scream. It ended with me screaming that I wanted to go to my fathers house.

She didn't react like an adult when I said that, but instead she started throwing out my stuff and said that I could go die for all she cared.

I called my father and he said that he was already in the car. She took my phone from me and started screaming on my father for not caring about me before 'So why now?!' She screamed.

I stayed at my fathers house for about three weeks. After those weeks she had called me and 'wanted me back'. She told me that she 'missed me' and that she was 'going to change'. And I believed her. I got back. And three days later, we started fighting again. Now it really hurt. I started protesting sometimes. But she always just slapped my leg or arm.

Once she slapped me in the face. That was when she found a hickey on my neck. It was a year later, this year.

Before that I started trying to do as she told me to do. I went to a horsecamp. There I met Frida. My girlfriend. She was my bunkbuddy^^. I told her about my intrests, which is anime and to write. She got intrested and she started aswell. My mother thought that sending me to a horsecamp was the way to make me "normal".

But I met the love of my life there. I fell in love. Frida was beautiful, nice, talented and smart. I liked her from the moment I saw her. But it wasn't before I was in the car that I understood that I loved her.

We texted. We slept over. And I didn't say anything. I was so scared that she would reject me that I didn't say anything.

But then I texted her and said that I liked someone very much.

She asked me who it was and I said that it was her.

And she said she liked me too. But my mother couldn't know. So we met when I was at my fathers house.

But then she saw the hickey. She slapped me in the face and she didn't look at me that evening. I spent it on my room. My mother took away my phone and she took the batteries to the homephone. Then she went to the stables and I found a pair of batteries.

I called Frida and she just talked to me in two hours. I'm really happy for having her here with me.

And I think I'll end it here. I don't think I want to give out everything about myself. This is some of the things I can remember...

/ Ebba Louise