Alone

I have noone that believes in me...

So how do i believe in anyone...

I feel better alone but at the same time horrible...

Because then it hits me...

Thats what i am...

Alone...

My family is ripped apart and scattered,

None of us are the way we used to be...

Noone calls to see if im ok or talk...

They call to argue...

My dad doesnt care if i was here to him im full of bad choices and a failure...

My moms dissapointed in me, im not the man she thought id be...

My brother and sister are so distant and we barely talk and when were around each other we pretend things are as theyve always been...

And you...

You just stay angry and that makes this even harder...

I dont talk well about what i feel i dont deal with things the way i should...

I deal with them by sitting alone...

And even then i cant sort it out i sit and cry and hurt...

If i did that in front of everyone theyd think im weak and would feel sorry for me but i want no sympathy...

Because i dont care...

Just like everyone else, i dont care...

I hurt so much inside theres so much ive pushed back and pretended didnt bother me...

Its all built up, i told myself that everything would be fine and just tried to pretend to not care that things werent as big of a deal as they seemed...

Writing is my only outlet because pens and paper dont walk away, or accuse you, or pretend to care and listen...

Im alone in a world where everyone has someone to count on and believe in them...

I feel so fucking alone noone understands me and i refuse to let anyone think less of me by seeing me the way i feel...

I just close up and dont talk about it because in reality noone cares about me...

Noone understands whats going on inside because i cant express it i cant turn the hurt and scars and agony into words...

So im alone...

It creats a huge distance the only time i talk is when im drunk and then people think its just the alcohol...

Im just tired im so fucking tired...

I cant live this way forever im tired of holding it in i have so much inside me i feel like im going to explode...

But even if i did id probably be alone then to...

Because noone cares and thats why ill always feel this way...

Noone gets it... They just want to throw out how they have it hard or how much worse their life is...

Be me...

Feel what i feel every single day, the hate, regret, pain, despair...

And the only one i talk to is myself in my thoughts and through what i write because thats all i have...

Im alone...

In a world where everyone has someone...

Im alone...