We are all insane in our own ways. The extra 5 minutes we take to make sure things are perfectly clean, that few hours of editing to make sure that picture is absolutely flawless, that effort we put into keeping our friends happy, these things are perfectly normal right? They are just little quirks that make us who we are.
So why would something like hearing voices or seeing things that aren't really there make me any different?
I mean they are just odd quirks right; that little mark that makes me different from everyone else?
Sure it was all fun and games when I saw light bulbs appear when a friend had an idea or when fireworks seemed to go off when something great happened or even when that little ghost puppy started visiting me in the afternoons but then the blood came, the ghosts with the empty eye sockets and Death, Death following my every step.
I guess I should explain right? I mean normal people don't see blood splashed across their walls every time they open their eyes do they? Well here we go….
"Hey boy, have you been waiting for me?
My fingers absentmindedly slipped towards Tora's glittering fur, hissing in surprise as my hand dropped through the young pups head, his yelp bounced around my skull as he jumped away.
"Sorry boy I forgot"
He yelped happily and wagged his tail, easily forgiving me.
"Hey, guess what? I made a new friend today!"
"Yeah her name is Mara; she was all by herself so I went to say hi"
Tora gave an uncomfortable whimper as he looked toward the street behind me. I turned my head to see what he was looking at and to my surprise there was Mara walking our way.
"Tora that's her, I'll see you tomorrow okay? Bye!'
I got up, quickly skipping towards the unusual girl.
"Oh… Hi Crystal"
"What 'cha doing round here?"
"Can I come with you?"
We walked in silence for a little while, the scenery around us becoming darker and drearier as we went. Flowering trees turned to great twigs sprouting from the earth, the babble of small creatures turned to silent winds whipping our ears and the comfort of soft residential grass turned to the awkward chorus of gravel.
"Where are we going?"
"We are almost there don't worry"
A fear inducing smile spread across her lips as she led the way, though at the time I was just too oblivious to realise.
Soon a large black mansion peaked across the horizon, its crumbling shingles few and far between. Its cracked planks almost peeling from its dirty surface, the whole place looked like it hadn't been used in centuries.
"What is this place?"
"Pfft what are you some kind of little kid? Everyone has heard of this place, the owners moved away suddenly, screaming something about rabid creatures in the woods around here, like anything would survive in this hell hole"
"Are you sure is safe?"
"Ha wow you're a wimp; I've been coming here for years"
She heaved open the heavy-looking door, its hinges creaking as it was forced to move from their comfortable dent in the dust and grim.
The door was something of interest, patterns carved deep into its wooden body, metal infused into certain part of the intriguing design, eagles clear as day rest in the fading structure, the wood carved creatures so beautiful in their own damaged right. My eyes fluttered across the doorknob, a large bronze lion in its place, like it was leaping from the danger of being trapped in the doors wooden vice but just missed, half its body being embedded forever into the wood.
Its threw its head in pain, eyes scrunched and claws still outstretched as it willed its wooden cage to release it, a heart wrenching roar ripped from its throat as it fought on.
I suddenly shook my head, long hair whipping my face as I shook the picture of the lion from my eyes.
'It was all just a dream… He isn't in pain'
"Hey Crystal hurry up!"
I stepped inside, my footfalls echoing through the crumbling woodwork; dust seemed to shower me with every step.
My eyes grazed the room, taking in the dust covered furniture, the peeling wall paper and the seemingly black light flittering through holes in the wall and the occasional hole that managed to survive through the barrier of the second floor and make it way to the disintegrating roof.
"Crystal! What is taking you so long?!"
"Sorry, I'm coming!"
I made my way up the stairs, a constant worry crossing my mind that they would cave in at any moment to engulf me into the unknown belly below, and the constant creek with every step was in no way a help to my disturbed mind. Than out of the corner of my eye I saw something… Red…. My head whipped round just as I reached the last few steps, blood… I was sure… A slow trickle of blood coming from a crack in the roof, than before I could even truly register what was happening dusty white wall filled my vision.
Unknown by my conscious mind, my feet had carried me up the 4 strides it took to obscure my vision with the grimy wall. Taking a deep breath to clear my mind I started wandering through the long hall, levitating towards the semi-open doorway a few metres away, an eerie orange light flickered from within.
A shrill ring rang through my head, stirring me from my slumber.
'Not again…. Why can't she just leave me alone?'
Signing loudly I extracted myself from my nest of sheets, the cold sweat dripping down my spine, causing a teeth shattering shiver to wake through my body.
"Crystal? Are you up yet, we need to leave"
"Yeah… I'm up"
The door creaked open, warm light flooding the previously dark room. A shadow cut through the halo of light; at its heart was a set of black converse and from there, long legs clad in skin tight jeans, a loose jumper, its hood hanging low over the wearers face, and the long fringe covering almost the entirety of the left side of her face.
"Blythe…. Your shadow is smiling again"
She gave a forced laugh, after so many years of listening to me tell her about the things I saw she just learnt that her laughter would make me feel like it wasn't all so bad, but then again when you saw your best friends shadow with a huge toothy grin, blood dripping from its pure white teeth you can't help but feel like something was wrong inside.
"Come on, did you forget we are meeting Storm and Shadow at the mall later?"
"Oh yeah…. I'll be ready soon…"
It took a few minutes of yawning, stretching and telling myself to stop being lazy before I finally managed to heave myself out of bed.
Mornings seem almost like a ritual these days, pull on a pair of clean underwear and socks which was always folded neatly in my top draw (courtesy of my amazing best friend), getting a fresh bra out of the same draw if my last was any more than 3 days old, find a pair of black skinny jeans which were normally strewn across the room, many of which had tears along the knees, shins and thighs (And the occasional which somehow seem to mysteriously attain tears across the back, placed so that anyone who was looking would be able to see a bit of flesh I would only show off on the rare days I wear a bikini in public, than again it never stopped me wearing them or anything), going on a mad hunt for a decent shirt to wear (this often meaning something with way to much black, skeletons, hot babes or something music related), deciding whether to wear my studded cuff, spiked bracelet and black leather bracelet or my skeleton gloves than digging up my converse from where ever they were left last night, this process would normally take bout 15-30 minutes.
Then comes' the fun of make-up and hair.
As usual Blythe was breathing down my neck in a near literal sense trying to get me to hurry up. Something she and I both know is pointless, with my hands still shaking from his mornings shot of horror I switched on the hair straightener and began applied a think line of eyeliner along my lower lid, spending way longer than it should to finally accept it 'decent', the hair straightener executed a loud beep and with a great amount of care I began to slide its warm plates across chunks of my long hair, working it until the back of my hair was perfectly flat and my fringe was sweeping across my face and covering my left eye.
"Hey Blythe wanna' go start the car? I'll be out in a minute"
The click of the door opening echoed suddenly through the silent house. A shiver passed up my spine, hands seeming to curl around my aching head. I closed my eyes forcing the feeling away, reminding myself I was imagining it. I hurried to my bedroom before they could take hold of me again. I quickly snatched my phone and earphones from my desk and with well-practised motions I slipped the earphones up my shirt so they hung like dead limbs from the neck of my shirt, each movement causing them to swing against my chest.
Kicking the door shut behind me I plugged in the set, setting my phones on shuffle and slipped it into my back pocket, the low rumble of guitars and drums reverberated from my chest.
"Storm called like 50 million times, seriously you need to stop taking so long"
To emphasis her words Blythe's phone began to loudly ring, the intro of Rebel Yell by Black Veil Brides blasting through our small car.
A giggle began to roll up my throat, my face just contorting into that of happiness; that is, until I chocked….
Straight in front of us stood a pale girl, her dress a limp white thing that flowed around her feet like an ocean and blended into her ghostly arms. In most cases it was the kind of thing that would have been overlooked but no in this case, it was covered in blood, thick red patches that still seemed to be slowly staining the ashen fabric.
Her hair was a curtain of filth, debris and endless black falling across her face, creating knotted vines across her dress.
What hours ago felt like some kind of expression of happiness seemed to evolve, transforming, and without even realizing a glass-shattering screaming was piercing the air, clawing through my throat and shredding the flesh on its way.
We drove straight through her, she just stood, motionless as we moved through her, no bump saying we had hit someone, just the sight of us hitting her for a mere second.
"Crystal! Crystal what's wrong?!"
Deep breathes. Shaky breathes, wheezing in and out. They filled my ears, yet voices penetrate the painfully loud sound. No a voice, just one.
I finally realised why my world seemed to be shaking, hands were upon my shoulder, a despite voice trying to get me to respond, a sharp pain where to-long nails dug in, realizing that we were not moving. The breathing is still there, loud and pounding through my chest.
"I need, to go, home or something, tell the boys I was sick, had the flu or something, don't care, just need to go….."
"Do you want me to drop you off?"
"No go, have fun"
I turned, a forced smile on my lips but I knew she say past that. She always did.
The slamming of the car door seemed to make it so final, so distant, like I could almost tell something was going to happen.
I couldn't think, I'm so numb, my legs moved even though I had no conscious thought of doing so, I just knew it was happening.
My head drooped letting my hair fall over my face, hiding myself from those around me.
A sweet, almost innocent voice, so quiet I couldn't even tell if it was really there, but the feel of breath against my ear seemed to make me believe.
Except, they never talk to me, not since that little puppy from when I was 12, and look how I found him, I found is little body hanging in my school locker, his silvery blood pooling on my school books.
Of course when I tried to explain to the teachers why I was started screaming and was crying they all thought I was crazy. The only thing that stopped them from sending me to a house for mental people was me begging them, saying I was just making it up.
"Cryyyssstalllll, come to me"
My feet seemed to move faster, on the verge of running from the girl beside me.
"Cryyyssstalllll, come home"
No, no, no, this is all a dream, it isn't real, she isn't really here, she is just a figment of my imagination, she doesn't exist"
I might have made it, there were only a few streets until I was home, but that little yelp, a familiar voice contorted in pain.
I had just turned my head a couple if degrees, just enough to see her out of the corner of my eye, that might have been the biggest mistake of my life.
Clutched in her hand was a silver little dog, the life just raining out of its eyes, its body falling limp as her fingers dug into its flesh.
Her hair had been pushed from her face, her hollow eye sockets bore into mine, holding me in her endless black holes.
The tip of my shoe slipped into a crack in the cement, and I fell, my graze still locked into the girl…..
I scrambled backwards, too scared to push myself to my feet and yet, still too horrified to stay still.
"Stay... Stay away!
"No! You can't hurt me, you don't exist!"
I could feel eyes all round me, watching me judging me. They were screaming with thoughts of pity, what a shame, what a waste of a pretty face, she is insane.
With the last on my insanity I lurched from the ground, forcing my legs to keep moving, to take me home.
It felt like an eternity before the soft sheets of my bed were clasped in my hands but not even their comfort could save me.
The voices were still there, the blood still dripped from the walls; everything was a blur of blood and darkness.
I always knew I was insane, we were all insane, but this is what it feels like to truly lose it. A laugh escaped clenched teeth.
Blood and darkness, that was all that mattered any more. There was nothing more outside of that.
And with that echoing through my mind I reached into the small draw beside my bed, a thin slice of silver being extracted.
I ran my thumb across its edge and with a happy hiss it slashed the flesh, a drop of blood falling upon my tight black jeans.
Bringing to wounded appendage to my lips I liked the flowing blood away.
This is perfect.
I pulled the blade against my wrist, its sharp edge easily carving the flesh, again and again I slipped it past my flesh, it was painless, easy, I was too far gone to feel any pain.
I was grinning, each slice brought me pleasure, it was pure bliss and soon, oh to soon the inside of my left arm was shredded beyond recognition, and the bliss was fading.
With the blood pouring from my arm, soaking the bed, you would think that I would have passed out by now, the blood loss becoming greater with every passing second but something made me hold on, I was not dead yet so why should I get the final form of peace?
As the ecstasy washed away the flowing blood so did my barrier from the pain.
Things were finally coming into focus, the deep cuts across my arm was finally starting to ache, burning with my final goodnight.
In a way I was happy, this was my escape, my beautiful painful escape from this madness.
Cutting was always my addiction, my temporary escape from everything.
And now it was my release from my own mind.
I glanced around my room, and standing in the darkest corner stood Death, the hood of this long black cloak pushed back enough that I could see his face.
It was like an angel.
This was a story I wrote for my English assignment, I think I got 90% for this but please rate and tell me what you think.