Dear Polly,

Last night was particularly awkward, and I applaud you on trying your hardest,
but obviously it wasn't hard enough. Even Jamie's girlfriend thought you were a
bit closed off. And, I think we're all in agreement when I say that your face looked
positively edible!

After a day of lazing around, which I sure you did too, Melissa came around at
three to congratulate me on my growing older. About six presents came along
with her, and oh my god, she is just too good for me. Not that I don't love you too, but
wow. I'm gonna use those stick-on moustaches everyday.

Three hours of pointless talking, everyone else arrived - apart from Annie, who apparently
stepped on a bee, and well, you know, couldn't walk. To reach the restaurant we had to wait
at least ten minutes for you to walk to the corner before the ingenious idea of taking off your
killer heels to walk occurred to you. I was pretty sure we were going to lose our booking.
Although, in all honesty, I loved those heels.

Into the restaurant, and out came the phone. ALL NIGHT. You could've at least tried some
conversation, but I guess you couldn't see us past all the layers your face was holding
up. I now see how Beck moved on.

And you said you liked Thai food, but you didn't even seem stuffed - not like everyone else. God
that was amazing party food; I wish you'd have tried more. None of us care if you're not
anorexic skinny, you're more beautiful without the layers of cake and inability to eat.

After all that though, I can say I enjoyed my extremely early birthday - having it two days
after Christmas has it's downfalls and it's perks, but mostly downfalls - and you did contribute
to that. Your present was lovely and I got some laughs from you. I just wish, oh it'll sound awful,
you were more like Melissa. Just a little bit.

Once you, Eleanor and a few others left, things got a little crazy though. There was some pretend drunk dialling,
something I think Beck will never get over, and too much loud music and way too much chocolate. If
there's one enemy of the once chubby girl, it's chocolate. That's my philosophy for the day right there.

Take some time to rearrange your priorities, we love you, but it can be very hard when you have a
semi-shallow personality. And clown feet. I wished I'd been at that wedding during the bouquet toss,
the way Annie recounts it you must have tripped in slow-motion.

Mae xx