I glanced over at the clock and was surprised to see it was ten to five, nearly home time. The afternoon had gone quickly and I was looking forward to being able to get close to my boss, Vince.
My amazing Vince...
Vince and I had been seeing each other secretly at work. Secretly because of the age difference–I was only 22 and he was 47. The age gap didn't bother us personally, but Vince was worried how it would affect his position at work if it got out.
I worked for a small company who sold and dispatched electrical goods online, and so there was only a small team of us. Vince was the founder of the business, while I worked as an Admin Assistant. I would constantly get ordered around to do mind-numbingly boring tasks, but being able to stare at Vince all day made it all worthwhile.
Vince was stunning to look at; high cheekbones, an incredible smile, dark shiny eyes and a seductive smoky voice. He was a lot taller than me but not as skinny. He had thick grey hair and his face was coated in grey stubble, which I adored. I have mousy blonde hair, and blue eyes, which apparently compliments my lightly tanned skin tone.
"Jamie, my office please." Vince called out sternly, interrupting my thoughts. Though they soon returned as he walked away with his confident stride.
He had such a gorgeous back under his fitted shirt, perfect for my nails to dig into as we made love…
Vince didn't work out, but he had a lean, defined body with a hard chest, which had a light layer of soft grey hair. I have no chest hair, not much body hair at all really, which Vince says he finds irresistible.
I scanned the room to see everyone else was leaving for the day, as I logged off my computer and headed into Vince's office.
I was based in what was referred to as the 'main office'; it was basically two rows of computers with three on each row. Vince had his own little office joined onto the main, and both rooms were plain in decor; white walls, oak desks and dark green carpet. I always found the lack of colour made the place feel cold.
I closed the door behind me as I entered Vince's office, and studied his face as he sat behind his desk shutting his laptop.
He was always difficult to read as his moods could change dramatically. One minute he could be happy, loving and charming, and the next agitated and snappy.
Please don't be grouchy...
"Everything ok Vince?" I questioned gingerly.
"Yeah," he sighed while giving me a wide grin, "Just wanted to know what you were doing tonight?"
Relief made me smile back, he looked so beautiful when he smiled.
"I'm just off out to Rhys's at 8, you?"
Vince rose from sitting at his desk and came to wrap his arms around my waist. My body relaxed into his and I rested my hands on his arms. I loved the feeling of security they gave me.
"Can I see you first?" He coaxed.
I couldn't help a wide grin from spreading across my face, Vince asking to spend time with me always made me feel a little giddy with excitement.
"I'd like that…you want to come straight to mine?"
"Oh yes!" He said eagerly while burying his face in my neck.
Butterflies suddenly livened in my stomach as he began nibbling at my skin gently.
Oh I could have you right now...
Vince's lips trailed away from my neck, moving to my mouth, where we began kissing slowly and gently, fuelling an erection in my trousers.
Vince was undoubtedly the love of my life; I couldn't have been any happier in that moment.
Vince came straight round to mine after work as planned. We went in our own cars so Vince could go home once I'd gone out later.
I'd planned to see Rhys, my best friend, that night. We didn't see each other very often and so I wasn't prepared to let him down, even for Vince.
The second we got to mine Vince pulled me into his strong arms and whispered seductively in my ear.
"Fancy a shower…?"
My anticipation devoured my voice, so I just nodded, and we darted upstairs to the bathroom.
Showering together always lead to one thing, which was something I couldn't get enough of with Vince.
Not just because he was the perfect lover, but also because I cherished every moment of closeness we shared. Vince was amazing at making me feel loved and special during our lovemaking, I probably felt at my most confident when with him intimately, because it was then where he made me feel truly appreciated and adored. There wouldn't be any doubt nagging at me, as to whether he was happy enough with me or not, or whether he was wishing he was elsewhere.
Vince was first in getting up from the bed. He left the room and returned with our clothes from the bathroom, where the passion had started.
I watched him, as he got dressed, admiring every inch of his body before he covered it up with his shirt and trousers.
"I better get going," he whispered while bending down to kiss me, "I'll let you get ready before going out."
I smiled weakly at him; disappointed he wasn't staying with me for longer.
This wasn't unusual of Vince though, he often had a reason to not hang around for long or stop the night. His Mother was a regular excuse. Apparently since his Father died some years ago his Mother had become very dependent of him, regularly having a list of errands that needed doing. She would also drag him away to spend 'quality time' with her, which usually consisted of Vince cooking for her and watching endless television with her.
A very lonely woman I guessed, who also had no idea about Vince and me.
Vince winked at me and gave me a smile before leaving, as I continued to just lay on the bed and begin daydreaming about him…
Vince was incredible. He was always spontaneous when it came to lovemaking, which kept it so exciting. We would do it anywhere and anytime –and it was always amazing. I loved the feel of his stubble as it would gently rub against my skin as we kissed: kisses so good and always full of passion. Vince was wonderful with his hands too, so loving and tender, as they roamed over my body and held me as we made love. They felt soft but strong and made me feel safe.
Vince was incredible in other ways too -he was funny, smart, caring and affectionate. He knew how to make me feel important and good about myself.
Nonetheless, Vince did also have his faults.
Well, one fault really.
One big fault.
His moods were pretty unpredictable, but I'd gotten a little used to his snappiness, so that wasn't really the problem. The problem was that he would sometimes get too angry…and lash out.
It would typically be a spur of the moment punch, push or slap, quickly followed by apologies, but it still devastated me every time it happened. It would leave me questioning our relationship, his love for me, and every time further destroyed any confidence I had.
I felt completely dependent on him, needing him to feel worthwhile, so the more he hurt me the more scared I became of losing him, fearing he was falling out of love with me.
Stupid, stupid Jamie...
The first time it happened it was a very unexpected punch to the mouth. I can't even remember what we were arguing about, but I'm sure it was something trivial. Vince lost it and hit me, and the pain from the blow hit me harder emotionally. I was gutted he'd wanted to hurt me and I felt like I didn't know him anymore.
We broke up on my terms for about two weeks, until I eventually believed his promise that it would never happen again.
Of course it did happen again, but I just couldn't leave. The two weeks we weren't together were absolute torture for me, and I didn't want to be without him again. So I stayed and put up with his cruel streak.
Much to Rhys's annoyance.
I told Rhys about the first time Vince had hurt me, because it was his shoulder I cried on about it. But when I got back with Vince I stopped telling him about the violence, partly because I was embarrassed and partly because I didn't feel I had a right to complain –I was choosing to stay with Vince after all.
Despite never owning up to Rhys about how certain bruises had appeared, he reacted as though I had. He would sound agitated and tell me I deserved better, that I should leave Vince and wake up to what was happening. Rhys would also go on to moan about the age gap, saying Vince must be using me because why would he want to be with a 'kid'.
It always hurt me when Rhys said that; I was already insecure about the possibility of Vince finding someone more mature and experienced than me, and so patronizing comments didn't help.
I needed Vince, and I wished Rhys could understand that.
I got to Rhys's just before 8. He only lived up the road from me, and like me he lived alone. When I got to his front door I knocked impatiently as I started to shiver from the cold, the light rain alarming my skin making it shudder.
Rhys swung the door open and flashed me a massive grin.
"Hey Jamie!" he beamed.
I chuckled at his enthusiasm before joining him inside, where the warmth from his central heating greeted me immediately.
Straightaway we ordered a pizza, which was great because I was starving. I never ate much at home, I could never motivate myself to cook for just one person, and so I usually just snacked on crisps instead.
We drank a few beers together and talked about general things, mainly work and films really. Rhys loved his films and spent most of his time watching them, especially horror films. I preferred action films and Rhys would say it was because I was a 'wuss' or a 'chicken' -very mature of him!
I never really understood what Rhys did for a living; all I knew was that is was something to do with computers. He would go on about different technical things and I would just nod along. I'd gotten sick of asking what they meant years ago.
Soon enough Rhys's rant about a recent blockbuster was interrupted by a knock at the door, which he quickly darted out the room to answer.
Rhys and me had been friends since high school and even went to college together. After graduating, we both got drunk together at his house, and I told him I was pretty sure I was gay.
We ended up sleeping together that night, and despite the fact we were both wasted it felt really special. It was nice to be losing my virginity to my best friend –someone I truly trusted and felt comfortable with.
We never slept together again but our friendship was unaffected by what had happened. I never told Vince that I'd slept with Rhys, as far as he knew I was a virgin before him. I never told Rhys that Vince didn't know either, but I didn't really say anything about my relationship with Vince to him anymore.
I snapped out of my daydreaming when I heard Rhys enter the room with our pizza, the smell of it making my stomach growl.
"Can't wait to tuck into this!" He said eagerly.
I couldn't help but chuckle to myself at how cute he could be, he was pretty adorable really. He had short dark hair and the bluest eyes I'd ever seen.
Even though he was a bit of a typical geek he was always going to the gym -and had a well-defined body to show it.
Rhys put the pizza on the table and lounged back on the sofa next to me.
"What you giggling about?" He asked me with a huge smile.
"Nothing." I grinned while grabbing a slice of pizza.
"Save some for me fatty." He laughed while taking a piece and shoving it into his mouth.
We soon demolished the pizza, and then I went and brought us a beer each from the kitchen.
As I sat back next to Rhys I thought about how much I missed not seeing him as often as I used to. We used to be inseparable.
"So how are you and Vince doing?" He asked casually.
"Fine." I sighed. I didn't want Rhys to start giving me one of his usual lectures.
"I was only asking Jamie. How'd you get that bruise on your arm by the way?"
I looked down and noticed the mark around my wrist; I'd completely forgotten about it. It wasn't anything major, Vince had just grabbed me a little too hard.
He'd been shouting at me because I'd sent my Mum some money. I tried to leave the room to give us some space, but he grabbed me and yanked me back into him, saying I wasn't to go anywhere until I said I understood why he was angry with me.
"Nothing…just knocked it." I lied.
"Course you fucking did." He muttered under his breath, before taking another swag of his beer.
"Don't start Rhys." I mumbled sheepishly.
Please don't ruin tonight, we've been getting on so well...
"I used to have some respect for you Jamie." He spat.
I bowed my head down, avoiding any eye contact as I sat their feeling hurt and embarrassed.
I didn't respond to his remark, instead we just sat and drank in a horrible awkward silence for about ten minutes, until Rhys stood up and asked if I wanted another beer.
"No thanks. Think I better go." I said quietly.
Rhys didn't say anything, so I just got up and we walked straight to the front door.
"Thanks for tonight," I muttered while seeing the annoyance in his face, "See you later."
"Make sure you're a good little boy for Vince." He said mockingly.
I think he must have seen the sudden hurt in my eyes as his expression quickly softened.
I gave him a weak smile before turning to leave, hoping he couldn't see the tears beginning to near the surface.
I miss us so much.
As I was walking home from Rhys's house, thinking back on old memories of Rhys and me, I could hear two men laughing and whispering behind me. I didn't sense the danger of their presence, and obliviously carried on as normal. Had I known I had something to fear, I would have dug my phone out my pocket and rang someone.
As I got home I felt myself getting pushed through my front door as I opened it.
By the time fear had surged through my body and I had started to fight back, the most humiliating experience of my life had already begun.
And I was helpless to stop it.
To be continued...