I guess that's what people do, she thought, they make each other calendars when they reach two years. A photo of themselves for every month that they have been together. Or maybe that's what people in love do. They just do excessively cute things that translate to others as corny. Of course, she was "one of those". She is "one of those" that do not understand what it means to be in a relationship. She is "one of those" that cringes at affection. She is "one of those" that scoffs at love between a man and a woman or those of the same gender. She is also the other girl that sometimes wondered if she would have been the one to give him the calendar.
Five years have gone by and sometimes she still wonders about him. For most of those five years she hated him. All those years and she couldn't bear to bury her feelings. For all those years all she could do was hear her heart drop and shatter. Those two years she watched him hold her hand and kiss her cheek. All those years she kept those words from a long time ago, the always that he promised her, the one day when it would just be "us" - she remembered him yelling it in the street, grinning. Us. And she kept it – the one little word she believed in. Us. The two letters that made her believe that he would wait for all eternity. It was so simple; it was at the time the only truth worth hearing – a reality, an amazing moment of clarity that all that they would ever need was each other.
She hated him. But mostly she hated herself for believing in empty words. She hated herself for that night. She hated the bitter cold. She hated nature and the free fall of gorgeous white snow of that night. She hated his black blazer, dark blue jeans, maroon high top Converses, and that crazy colored hat with the fuzz ball at the top. She hated his slender and tall silhouette. She hated the energy that he generated from the cold, which made him run for joy and mad with love. She hated seeing his breath in the night breathing words into life. Then nonchalantly he stopped. He put his hands in his pocket. He grinned. He turned around. He yelled it…
"Us, " she heard him say as she registered the word and registered the situation.
They had seen each other randomly at the grocery store and had started talking.
"What?" she said trying to compose her thoughts.
"What about us? Three years is good ya know. But what about us? Sometimes I still think about us. Sometimes I think maybe we would have been celebrating our five years. I'm still filled with colors of love. For you. For us," he gushed with sarcasm.
For a brief second, she was paralyzed by his words and hypnotized with love.
"Jeremy, you know you are really funny. But you are no longer the guy that will get into trouble by the words that he says. So stop messing around," she said jokingly
"You know I had to mess with your head a little. Thanks for the congratulations, Sarah. I can't believe it's been two years with her. It's a weird feeling..."
No Jeremy, she thought, you really didn't have to pull that one me. She hated him. But mostly she hated herself for not moving on. She hated that while he decided to continue to tell other girls that he loved them, she was stuck on pause waiting one day for him to rewind. Waiting one day so that he could take her hand and rewind back to that night, where they could just pause and be the 'us' that she wanted.
But she knew that day wasn't coming. She knew that Jeremy would marry her. They were the "us" that he was looking for. So she moved her cart along aisle five past the bread and condiments. She hated the fact that his girlfriend decided to give Jeremy a calendar as her two-year anniversary gift. Who the hell gives someone a calendar as a gift, she thought to herself. She rolled her eyes, put her headphones on, and pushed forward.