He Is Me.

this is only an experiment, I'm usually completely against 1POV but I made an exception. i didn't worry at all about the story line, focusing solely on the writing style, and this is what happened, which tells you more about me than anything else.

if anyone has any comments or tips with this style, I'd love to hear them. I'm not sure whether I want to use it in the future.

i do like it though, very much, despite it's difference from my usual work.

It wasn't my fault that Nicolai pissed off this giant troll faced thing, even if I'm more responsible than him and Ma always said he was my responsibility, which was something that definitely didn't make sense because we were supposed to be twins and the same even though Ma never actually said which one of us was born first. I think I'm older, it would explain why I always have to watch out for him instead of the other way round, and Ma said that he had some problems when he was born, that he was close to dying for a while, and I think that means I would have had to be already okay, or else the doctors would be worried about him and then there might've been problems with me too. Not that I would've minded too much, because Ma gets real misty-eyed and sad whenever she talks about then which makes me think that I came real close to not having a brother at all, which wouldn't have been real nice, because even if my brother is an irresponsible twat he's also the only kid my age around for miles and I've gotta be able to kick someone's arse on the Xbox.

But yes, troll face. I don't know what to call it, because its huge and ugly and I haven't seen it before, and you don't really know what to call something you've never seen before until someone tells you, and there's no-one here who can tell me because they haven't seen it before either, so I'm sorta stumped with a name because 'The Thing' sounds rude and troll face doesn't seem like something that would take a name like that lightly. I can usually tell these things, because once I called a girl in fourth grade Kat because I didn't know her name and her hair got all bunched up and looked a little like a head of cabbage, and she started screaming and her big brother came and tried to beat me up. He actually ended up hitting Nicolai instead before I could try to stop him and afterwards Kat started feeling real bad and ended up being real nice to Nicolai for a while. She didn't talk to me much after though, and her brother was suspended and eventually had to move because everyone thought he hit my brother without any motive at all. I could've told the teachers otherwise, but Nicolai was scared of him and I didn't like him that much either, so it was my job to look after my brother and make sure that idiot went as far away as possible. I don't want something like that to happen again, because this troll faced thing seems to be much bigger than Kat was and it might have a big brother too, and I don't think my brother and me will have any chance against however big that might be. That still doesn't help me with a name though, not at all. If anything, it makes this whole thing worse, but I'm used to that because I have Nicolai as a brother and that means you get used to lots of things.

I guess later I can ask Ma, because Ma seems to know lots of things too, but I think she'll probably tell me to ask the Father at our church because that's what she always does. I guess I could, because I believe in God too, but I'm not sure if this troll face is one of God's creatures and therefore if God would know what to call him at all, or if the Father would give me another one of his riddles and I'd be left more annoyed and confused than before. Nicolai is far better at riddles than I am, Ma says his brain works differently to mine and that's why he can never ever sit still but can't organize anything ever either. She says our brains make us different even if the rest of us is the same but sometimes I think our brains are the same too and we just use them differently, which doesn't make us the same at all, which confuses me so I don't like to think about it too much. I did ask the Father about it once though, and he said something about how The Lord makes everyone they way they are for a reason and that no one has something wrong with them ever, so I shouldn't be worried or confused. But then I asked him why God made sick people sick and Ma told me to go and find Nicolai and leave the poor Father alone. I think she just had questions for him herself, but I left anyway and Nicolai and I picked raspberries from our neighbor's bush. We didn't get many though, because then a dog came and scared us away and we went home and I kicked my brothers arse on the Xbox again.

Wait, I shouldn't get distracted. That's something that makes us different, Nicolai never gets distracted by anything, when he bothers to listen to things anyway. Maybe together Nicolai and me make up one person, maybe that's what happens with all twins. Maybe twins are one person but they somehow got split and their brains get shared between them and they have to stay together or else there's only half a person instead of a full one. Maybe that's why God didn't let Nicolai die when we were born because he knew that I needed my other half to stop me from being beat up by Kat's big brother or bored because there's no one who I can beat on the Xbox. But I'm being distracted again, and the troll face seems angry, and Nicolai is trying to get me to run so I am running because Nicolai wants me too and I trust him because he's my brother and my other half and doesn't get distracted by anything.

So we run, and it follows us, and it's not really fast because it has meaty legs and more to move than we have and Nicolai won the one and two and four hundred meter races at school and I'm almost as fast as him but not quite because after a while my stomach starts hurting and I have to stop and he always stops with me even though I know he can last longer because he's just that bit faster and doesn't start hurting so soon. Now, though, things are flying past us and they look sharp and dangerous and if we were to stop and take just one step back we would definitely get hit by something and probably won't get up ever anymore and I really hope that Nicolai doesn't stop for me because he has to get up and I can't leave without him. I used to promise, I still promise, that I'll never let him go and he promises that he'll never leave me behind because we're brothers and twins and I trust him and he trusts me and I'll never ever leave him alone and by himself ever.

And then, just then, I tripped and fell and something pushed me and I wasn't running anymore and people were screaming and everything was loud and my brother was gone. I could feel him, then I couldn't, he wasn't anywhere but I could see him but he wasn't there and everything started hurting and I wasn't running and he was gone. Everything burnt but I couldn't feel and he was so, so still.

In that second, I didn't feel like me. I felt empty, incomplete. I felt like someone had taken part of me and cut it off and it didn't feel gone but I could see that it was and there was screaming and I couldn't move. Part of me was just gone, and I felt wrong.

I think twins are actually one person, that is split just before it's born. Their brain is cut in half and aspects are spread amongst them so that together they are a full person and separately they are only half. That's why twins are supposed to stay together, or else there is a half person in the world and half people are just wrong, no matter what the Father says. Even if God makes everyone they way they are for a reason and no one has something wrong with them ever, that just means that he made Nicolai to be my brother and he made me to be Nicolai's brother and because I can't be that I shouldn't be anything, because I should only be with him, because we are twins and brothers and I trust him because he never gets distracted by anything and he's so still and I feel wrong.

So I follow him, because I promised I wouldn't leave him alone and he can't leave me behind and because he's my brother and because without him I'm only half and that's wrong. I need him and I love him and he never gets distracted by anything ever.

And as I'm going I see him and I walk towards him because that's what he wants me to do and I trust him and I love him and I think to myself that he's still with me and I'm not wrong anymore.

I go to him and everything's alright because we're not apart and he's my twin and I love him and we're whole again.

And now I know that no matter what, we're gonna be okay.