I hear someone weep in the other room. I hear things being thrown in anger as the whole house shakes with it. I don't bother asking what's wrong. I already know the reason.
I stare at my hands through the whole ordeal. In every noise she makes, I bite my lip to keep me from screaming and lashing at her for her to stop.
Please stop, please do stop.
A quiet sob escaped my lips though there was no tear left to be shed.
Then the throwing eventually stopped but muffled cries ensued. I hear incomplete words that used to have a meaning.
I hear another choked sob. She struggled to put a name to her suffering but her voice broke in every syllable of it.
I cover my ears to block the desolate sound but it managed to penetrate its way inside. I rise up for I am tired, tired of hearing the cries of the lost and grieving, tired of denying the fact that they don't exist anymore.
My knees feel weak. I gathered all my strength and courage to force my body to work. My hands were numb from trembling and I can still feel my fingertips shaking.
I must have made a sound for she ceased making noise as I scrambled to the front door.
"Andrew?" she whispers uncertainly. "Where are you going, Andrew?"
I didn't reply even though I hear the panic rising from her tone. It is best to leave some question unanswered. I don't need anyone from hindering me from escaping this shell of misery again.
"Are you going to leave like Mother and Father?" she shouts frantically and gasped more air. "Like everyone else?"
I want to tell her I had enough and everything will be all right, but I don't. My voice cracked as I mustered up three little but important words, "I will be back."
These will reassure her. I know they will.
I pause for a while to hear if she'll say more words but she didn't.
As I stepped out of our front gate, I hear things that were supposed to be cheery and delightful to ears. But to me, they were monotonic in sound and as lifeless as a cold, grey stone. I look up and see the cloudless blue sky and the warm sun that brightens the whole place up. Fury swept over me. How could everything glow in happiness when I just lost some who were very dear to me?
It is so unfair that time do not care for anything but itself. It competes and races with us, only that we don't have a clue about it. It was too selfish that it goes on everyday without even noticing people it barges through or that it pulls them closer to their graves.
If time won't help us, then we have to help ourselves.
We all have two options to choose from if a problem was thrown our way: Face it or run away.
But I had already faced my problem. So I run.
I speed up; the cool wind blocks my thoughts. I can feel its chilly kiss envelope me. I don't stop. I know where my destination is. I know where I am heading to.
Familiar voices call out to me as I pass by them. But I don't stop. I won't let trivial matters distract me now. I am close. I know I am close. For once, I am sure.
I am at the top of a tree in the forest overseeing the world and its inhabitants. The sky is closer now I think. It seems gravity has gotten tired of pulling. Everything looks nearer yet still so far.
Then I let myself be taken by silence.
Everything felt lighter, unencumbered on my way home. The darkest of the night has passed and now is the dawn.
A bus passed slowly in the road in moderate traffic. I let my eyes linger on it for a while. Then I noticed a girl peering curiously at me. There were no words exchanged but she smiled. It was impossible for her to know my predicament but in that moment, everything seemed possible.
She waved a little.
I like to think she understands me so I wave back. The vehicle started to move as she continued in watching me.
Somehow, hope was replenished deep inside of me.
Somehow, I am free.