I sit at my desk pulling off my shoes after a hard day at work. It is a relief to take them off and throw them away. I have already shed my luggage -pain, unworthiness, self-loathing- so now I sit here waiting for a break from the pain. My world is gray, so full of sadness and depression. I desperately need to get away from it all.
But it is impossible. So impossible to get away from it all. Arms of depression reach out and grab me, as if to keep me chained. I am slowly being engulfed in a gray wave. They're like gray wires... Stretching out, a network of sadness.
But then I see the light. Arms of my friends, of my loved ones reaching out to grasp for me. But can I reach out? Can I let them pull me out of this dark place? Would they be able to handle my pain, my unworthiness, my self-loathing? Should I push them away so they don't have to deal with it?
I realize that they want to help. But do I want help? Truly, I do not know if I want help. Perhaps I want to stay in this hole, but why? Why should I want to? Is this truly me? This is not me, who I am supposed to be.
But it is so hard to let go of everything.
But maybe it's time.