AN: This story is a short from my collection of shorts, There Was You, Me, and Him (which if you haven't read yet you should check it out). But this story doesn't quite fit with the others so I'm posting it as a separate piece. I'm toying with a new style (which is why there is a serious lack of grammar), so any input would be appreciated.
All These Words When I Want to Say Three
Here we are once again together and these words are pushing at the back of my head with a battering ram trying to break free and be let loose and I just can't let them because what if that's a mistake and what if everything changes because I decided for one second to be vulnerable and take down my tallest wall and let you see me exposed and weak and you don't say what I want you to say?
We've been talking for hours now in the way that we always have but now it's getting deep and we're talking about how we like each other a whole lot and now would be the perfect time to tell you how I like you more than you think I do and actually it would be an omission of the truth to tell you anything less than I love you.
I begin with telling you that there's something I need to tell you and I'm not sure how you're going to react because the memory of you telling me you didn't believe in love obnoxiously flashes like a giant neon sign and there's my heart hiding deep in it's fortress telling me it's not time and it's too soon and I'm not ready for this again because don't I remember how much it hurt when I stopped loving him and how his hatred shattered my fragile heart and now it's finally got the pieces back together but it'll surely collapse if it gets broken again.
I tell you I'm afraid to let you know what's going on in my mind because let's face it my mind is not a safe place right now and you don't understand why I'm scared because I've never had a problem telling you anything which is true except I've never told you anything this important and I allude to what you told me about love once and your suspicion of it because you had a girlfriend once before me and she told you that she loved you and you told her you loved her back except you didn't and then she cheated on you and if that's what love was then it surely must not exist.
But here's the thing because my heart is so full of you and I literally can't go more than a second without thinking about you without feeling that swell in my chest and my smile gets so big and it happens so much that it hurts but I forget it hurts because nothing is painful with you and I care about you more than I have ever cared about anyone and I'm not afraid of anything when I'm with you except this and I never thought letting you know how I feel would be this terrifying.
You're getting worried because you've never seen me this frantic and this distraught over anything and finally I tell you I'm scared to tell you what I'm really thinking because even though I tried so hard to convince myself I would be okay if you didn't say those words back because you didn't believe those feelings existed the thing is I wouldn't be okay at all and actually I would be heartbroken and I don't want you to break my heart now because I'm on the cusp of understanding how this love thing works and I know for sure that I love you more than anything.
Finally you grab me by the shoulders and your loving eyes search mine and I'm stumbling over the words I'm saying because I'm not saying all of the words that are in my head and maybe that's what's messing me up so much because there's too much going on and I'm drowning in my thoughts because I'm thinking too much and who knew it would be this hard because I don't remember this anxiety the first time I said it and it makes me wonder if I really meant it and I barely hear that you're trying to say something and finally I hear you ask are you talking about love ?
Yes. I'm talking about how I've completely fallen in love with you.
Well, I love you.
I love you too.