When I first heard about the shootings
my first reaction, like that of most people, was shock.
How could somebody do this?
How could something so evil happen?
But then, when most other people began to feel sad,
I felt guilt.
I wasn't sad.
I didn't cry or shed a tear.
I wanted it to touch my heart.
I wanted to cry for all those little kids
but I couldn't.
Lying in my bed I wondered
why I was so inhuman.
I wondered how I could ever gain my humanity back
if I couldn't even feel sad over a tragedy like this.
I knew there was once a time, long ago,
when I would have been sad over this.
It would have haunted me for hours, maybe even days.
But that time is long past
and I no longer have the ability to cry.
I am writing this poem
asking for forgiveness.
I may never cry about it.
I may have long ago become too desensitized
to shed tears over something that didn't happen to me.
But I know that is wrong
and I am offering up this poem
instead of tears or sadness
because I know many parents
have lost the most important people in their whole lives
and writing a poem
is the least I could offer up.