one time i was sitting backstage
and i almost missed my cue.
that was a low point.
i walked out on stage with blood running down my leg
under my pants
it stained my jeans
and my purple socks,
but no one noticed,
and i washed it out later.
that wasn't my lowest point though.
no, that was when
i tried to think of a way to kill myself
with a blade of grass, because
grass was the only thing around me
and i was choking on self-hate.
i couldn't breathe, bent over,
clutching my sides, heaving.
i was outside in the middle of class.
i went back in and pretended nothing had happened
and that i was perfectly fine.
still, i'm ashamed that
i've cut in a theatre.