Entry 1

A torn woman

My husband hit me…

He beat me, kicked me, slapped me, struck me, and any way I put it, it all means the same….he hit me

My husband Alexander, my best friend, my protector, lover, provider and any way I put it he was my world.

Let me start from the beginning

I found out I was pregnant, something I had never wanted to be. I mean I love children, from a distance. I have a big family so I know how to handle a baby, however one of my own? Now I was questioning my reasons for not wanting to bring a child into this world. Apart from overpopulation of the world, the environment of today's society and my own selfish nature I couldn't think of a reason not to be a little excited about giving my husband a child that I knew he wanted. At first all I could think about was how I was going to tell him and that led to me thinking about how hard I had worked on my body over the years to keep it in shape.(told you I was selfish) I knew my husband wouldnt mind the extra weight he actually would prefer if I gained more weight. The idea was for me to take a bunch of pictures of my body before the pregnancy began to destroy my hard work. I wanted something sexy and sentimental so I decided to go to a favorite hotel of ours and I decided to hire a professional photographer. And that is where my problems started.

My husband and I are very wealthy, not bill gates rich but pretty close. He is the c.e.o. of a hospital system and I own shares in it so it is a shared wealth (it was the only way I would marry him without a pre-nup which everyone outside our marriage tried to push on us) So I should have been more cautious of my arrangements for my attempted surprise for my husband. I blame myself for not being more discreet in my plans to slip away and take sexy pictures for my husband to tell him I was carrying his child. What I didn't count on was Alexander's jealousy, his insecurities of me leaving him, his possessiveness of me and his suspicions of my fidelity. I never thought these would ever plague my Alexander's mind. But with my sudden trip out of town and my reasons for not wanting him to tag along and my sketchy excuses I realize now the reasons of him hiring a private investigator to follow me around when I went to san Francisco to get the portraits done. And the fact that I had photos done in a hotel room and a handsome man follow me into my hotel room all points to infidelity. It also doesn't help that the P.I. caught a picture of me hugging the photographer. It definitely doesn't help that my husband and P.I. didn't know that the photographer was a gay man.

The plan was for me to make a portfolio of me in this hotel room with nothing but lingerie and a robe, heels and other sexy clothes on and at the end of the portfolio tell him I was pregnant. Well the first half was done. I had not counted on the P.I. beating me to my husband with news of my assumed infidelity.

So as soon as I walked in the front door of my home my husband strides toward me with a look of rage and sadness on his face tears in his eyes and his arm raised to strike me. And before I can comprehend what is going on I am flying across the floor with a sharp pain on my cheek.

My husband for the first time in our 4 years of marriage and our 6 years together has hit me.

And before I can respond, my husband is pulling my hair and lifting me off of the ground to throw me into a wall while screaming about me being a whore and calling me a bitch. All the while I am crying in confusion and pain while he drags me to his office where he continues to hit and strike me over and over and I am begging him to stop but before I can say anything to calm him down he forces me to watch a video of him having sex with two other women. In his response to my assumed affair he has hired two prostitutes to fuck and record as payback. And having beaten me while unbeknownst to him pregnant and left and locked me in his office to watch his homemade video I am a broken woman confused and heartbroken.