This isn't a cry for help; why would i cry, i have my smiles and laughter to hide behind, to use as a mask, a shield to hide behind the things i don't want to, don't need to confront.

Sometimes hiding is the best thing, because then, you just might be able to convince yourself that its all real, the smiles, the laughter, its not fake. but then you reach a low, sudden realisation, you don't want to be laughing, you want to be hurting, to be raging. When you reach that low, its hard to think about much else, when you just want to live in that place in your mind thats filled with self hate, hate for your life, the people around you, you pick out their bad traits, the time they didn't listen when you speak, when they don't hear whats under the words?

Its it because they don't care? or because you you put on that mask so strong, you forgot to take it off?

what about when that mask becomes dented, and you fixed it by yourself? sewed the stitches and covered the cracks.

You fixed it so good, you forgot it was there, how can someone like you be so happy? But are you happy..?

so you start thinking about everything, everything that you pushed into the back of your mind, waiting for its chance invade your thoughts, push all its evil thoughts, all the bad intentions to you, because you want that; you want that pain.

so in the end whats left, a broken mask, so what do you do..? you sew the stitches and cover the cracks…. Until it falls and the thoughts are back again...