I.

I wish I could disappear, I wish I could be nothing,
I wish I had never existed, I wish I had never breathed,
I wish I could be nothing, nobody to see me,
as today, everyone's eyes feast on my flawed skin, and my imperfect bones,
everybody's mind eats off my decayed heart, and off my tired soul.

I exist, 'why?' will be always my question, even when the strong light of faith keeps alive my hope,
I'm not a good daughter, I'm not a good sister,
I'm not a good friend, I'm not a good person,
so who am I? I'm no one, no one who's expected to be somebody,
but I'm not, I'm not, I am not.

I close my eyes and I dream, I dream hopeless dreams,
nonexistant goals, poisonous expectations, and they all kill me,
they kill me so slowly, so painfully, I know it will never end,
the sharpness of their absence is my truth and I must face it,
everyday. All my days. All my breaths.

I can not bear their five minutes of calmness when I know a lifetime of chaos precedes us,
I will not pretend darkness is alright, everything in me wants to run,
I don't belong, my flesh and my blood betray me, they condemn me,
I don't belong.

The pain, the poison, the daggers twisting all in my guts,
they bring me to the ground, the angered tears don't heal me,
I'm infected, my worth, my heart, my soul, they have been corrupted,
and so dreams and solitude became my home, my cure is the light that gives me hope.

I'll take my journey, it will pain me, it might kill me as it will relieve them,
but I won't be alone, for I know he'll always be beside me, around me, forever.