Ah shit. Today was the day. The day of that stupid party that I had to go to with my brother. Just so he wouldn't feel guilty about leaving me home to hang out with his new friends. I'll still go. So I won't feel guilty about making him feel guilty.

God I'm so selfish.

I sighed, slamming my locker shut just as the bell rang. Screw class. I'll go hide under the bleachers and wallow in self pity for third hour. Maybe the metal screws will be loose this time so they can drop the bleachers and kill me. No no, bad Danny. Don't think about the sweet peace death might bring...think of Miles you selfish prick! Then again...he has a bunch of new friends..does he really still need me...? Gah shut up shut up shut up! I shook my head to clear my thoughts before grabbing my backpack and marching off to the bleachers. I took a pack of cigarettes out of my jacket pocket and grabbed one in between my chapped lips while I walked. Smoking is a disgusting habit, I know. But I kinda need these to survive. And not in the addiction way.

Huh. Maybe I should quit?

I looked around to make sure no one was around, then took the cigarette out of my lips and let the fire in my stomach grow until I puckered my lips a tad and blew. A gentle sliver of purple flame rolled off my tongue and engulfed the end of my cigarette, lighting it. Cool trick right? I thought so too at one point. Until I set my last girlfriend on fire when we were having a moment. I had to take her to the hospital for second degree burns.

Shit I'm so disgusting.. I don't deserve love for what I do to people... As if stealing their souls wasn't enough to get me condemned to hell, I have to be a danger to those I love too! Why couldn't I be born with no fucking emotions!? At least that way I won't have to feel this guilt every time I smoke a soul or two.. Maybe I should grab a real cigarette from that stoner in my fifth hour?

I took a long drag from the fake fag, breathing out a cloud of light blue smoke from my nose. I feel like a dragon whenever I do that. Ahah...my temper used to be like a dragon's... Now I can't get triggered unless my brother is severely picked on..and he's so popular that I haven't had to stick up for him in over two years... Fuck I really am useless aren't I?

Miles would be better off if I wasn't around dragging him down. He should hate me for being weak. Everyone else does. I see their looks in the hallways. They make eye contact and I see the disgust on their faces. I'm not worthy to be loved. I'm not humane enough to be loved. I understand this, but still I desire what I cannot have. Of what I shouldn't have.

My cigarette burnt to the nub and I dropped it, crushing the still smoldering butt into the gym floor. I don't care. Which made me hate myself all the more. I glanced over to the doors as they swung open, my scowl deepening when I saw the familiar violet bob cut and that blindingly beautiful white smile. I hate the way my heart sped up. I hate my mind for melting at that smile. Most of all...I hated that hand occupying hers as it pulled her behind the bleachers opposite of mine. I tried to bury the sinking feeling in my heart with a straining smile at the horrible irony of everything. I'm not worthy of love. But I fell in love. The irony. I wish it killed me. A breathy giggle from behind the bleachers and I was halfway down the hall before my depression sank me even lower on the 'worth it' scale.

FML.