This is the one word
that is truly
the bane of my existance.

We've been in the same school,
the same class
for over five years now.

And not once
did you appear
even remotely
interested in me.


I had the epitome
of school girl crushes:
pining for your attention,
you're affection always just
out of my reach.

You never noticed.
Not once.


I knew I was different.
With tan skin, and dark hair and eyes.
but that didn't mean
that I was ugly
or stupid
or untalented.


And then, one day,
you woke up
from your oblivious
dream world.

I, on the other hand,
was almost positive
that I was dreaming,
sure that I was going to wake up
at any second.

Days turned into weeks,
and weeks became months.
We slowly became closer,
closer than any of our friends.

I had been the one to ask,
questioning your feelings for me.
And you said yes.


I think I had always known.
You had never really
stopped ilking her.

But still,
you became so much more to me
than my best friend.


Were you afraid
of hurting me?
Of losing me as a friend?

I had always had problems
with self-confidence.
You knew this
better than anyyone
as my confidant.

You admitted later
that you hadn't meant
what you said,
simply telling me
what I wanted to hear.


Were you afraid
of disappointing me?
Of losing my trust?


All I had ever wanted
was your true opinion
and that hurt more
than anything else ever could.

Whatever your reason
for stringing me along
like a kite caught in the wind-


Why, why, why?
Why, why, why?

Why wasn't I good enough for you?

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