Every time I have a camcorder in my hand. It always adds a different feeling to me. Depends on the emotion and how I look at it as a possibility. My grandfather always told me to imagine and create better things to provide a new reality. But every time I think of reality. It always ends up in the same depressing place as before.
"Lonnie! Come here and put this oil in this engine." Says my dad while drinking a beer in one hand and eating a bunch of sesame seeds on the other. He takes his tongue and moves it around his teeth. Spits out the seed and watches me get the oil and fill it up in the engine.
I couldn't tell you how many times I have had this happen to me. It's like every time I decide to pick up the camcorder and start to shoot. My dad would quickly find another excuse for me to get my mind off it. I know that not a lot of people turn out to be filmmakers but at least give me a chance to try and be one. Every time I tell my dad what I want to be when I grow up, he always laughs and shakes his head.
"You will never be something so impossible like that. You need to think of a real job."
I always ignored him every time he said that but the feeling always rushed in. I didn't want my father's negativity to stop me from believing in my dreams, but I couldn't help it, it just always got in the way. Every time I pick that camera up I see my mother. She always saw something in me and that's why we were so close.
My dad keeps staring at me as I kept filling in the engine with oil.
"Son, when are you going to apply for engineering school? They always make a lot of money and can guarantee a job after college," he says, as he walks towards the right of the car, stops, and then goes back to the front.
"Dad I told you that I'm not interested, I want to be a filmmaker. You know this already. I'm saving all my recordings to get into Emerson."
He took a deep breath. As soon as I said that, He took one look in my eyes and made me try to understand where he was coming from.
"Listen son, there is no guarantee that you will get that j…"
"How do you know that? What if I make it? What if I actually get somewhere? How will I ever be successful until I try?" I said while completely cutting him off. Putting down the empty bottle that was used to be filled with oil and then wiped my hands that almost looked pitched black.
"It is only one in a million chances that you will get it and a lot of people out there are going to want that spot," he says while walking towards me. "I just want you to make a good decision on making money."
I understood what my father was saying but he just doesn't get the full story and basically how I feel.
"I get what you are saying dad but what about being happy with what I do, what about being true to myself."
He still shook his head and walked right up the stairs. I dropped the tools right on the floor, got my camera bag and started to head outside. As I head outside, I watched my dad go into his room and sit there thinking about how different I was to him. He rubbed his head in confusion and gave a big sigh.
"Why does this boy don't understand what I'm saying? Why does he have to be so different?"
I sit there watching him being disappointed in me while in his chair. I felt kind of bad but why should I? I was following my dreams and being happy for myself. I don't see the problem but he sees things differently. As I headed straight towards the bus stop, I saw all the normal people I see every day. The old man with moles on his skin and a blind dog with three legs on it. A woman with a shiny gold iPod with clothes that could be stolen by a rainbow and a big bright golden blond hair color that is right smack in the middle of her head. These type of people I see everyday always interest me and I never get to capture them with my camera. I always use these experiences as stories in my head. It never has been a day goes by when I don't take these images in my head of interesting people. It meant so much to me that they were part of my art and I had to show a documentary of my life.
As I pulled my camera out in different angels and shot the old man as soon as he was not looking. My picture perfect story started to head quickly in motion. As soon as I was finished with the old man, I started to shoot the girl in different angels as well. She was so colorful, so I took more shots of her as she was standing there. Her eyes were in a great distance of the music she was listening to while in deep concentration. Her normal reaction when her phone came on was so intense. How she thought about her problem and kept listening to her music. It got to me and made me think how humans are the most interesting creatures on earth.
The bus arrived and it made me have to change my location of my never ending story. I took each shot of the bus driver as he took passengers money and gave them a stair when they didn't put enough in. I even took some shots of the passengers who were sitting down. Some were playing on their cell phones, others were talking to each other and ones where staring into space; usually what I do twenty four seven when I don't have a camera. As I was shooting some images for my movie, this light tap on the shoulder caught my attention and put a tingle down my spine. I turned around and it was the girl with the colorful clothes and partial blond hair.
"Hi sir," she said ever so light with soft tone.
I was so surprised that she even came to talk to me. Her presence was interesting and I was so glad I was up close.
"Hi, how are you," I said with my camera down inside my bag.
"Good just on my way to my house and you? I see you are doing some sort of project." She looked at me up and down.
"Umm…yeah I am putting a portfolio together so I can get into Emerson College." I said while nervously looking down at my camera bag.
"Wow, you want to be a filmmaker is that write."
She took the camera bag away from me as I started to stare at her.
"Yeah it's my lifelong dream; I always wanted to be it ever since I was a kid. But as I get older, it starts to become more impossible by the minute."
She shook her head as she looked at my equipment.
"That's what I thought about fashion but now I am in the fashion institute."
My mouth dropped open as soon as she said that, no wonder her clothes sort of went together.
"Really you've got into that school?"
"Yeah I worked hard to get in and even worked at a bunch of clothing stores."
I shook my head again
"Wow! That must be cool."
"It is, you just have to…"
As soon as she stopped with her sentence, the bus stopped and bumped in to something. I tried to see what it was but to many people in front of me. Than the girl with the colorful clothes took my hand and said.
"Hey, do you want to bring your camera and check it out."