An Unvarnished Letter

It was just an outlet written in a moment when I was so upset. A threatening goodbye was in view; and I dreaded the very thought of being apart from my BFF. I lifted my pen and let the words flow.

I'm so sorry for making you sad. I should've spared you the pain of seeing me so wretched. But I thought…- maybe I didn't have enough sense to think properly that moment-but I did think listening to those words while my arm was around would make some sort of impulse on me. But even with you so near and almost about to cry I didn't burst into tears_ long-expected tears too stubborn to show up when most desperately sought.

I don't know_ can't even guess_ how much tears I need to shed to be released, how many lines I ought to fill and how many sighs I'm supposed to heave to finally get myself together.

If it were about memories I've brought them back_ if ever they were so far to be recalled_ I've seen them over and over again in the brightest and liveliest picture my imagination can afford to show. But no they're of no use for me. More like hurting than comforting.

The first time we met, the first talks we had, all the times we used to argue like one having an inner conflict…. And our dear meeting place; those small twin trees curved in an everlasting hug. Sitting under their shady leaves or leaning against their tender trunks_ warmly inviting to carve our names on.

How many times we set there silent as if words were so unable to cope with us… and you many times laughing at me most heartily saying "you're too tiny to be that much sharp!"

Even in the highest moments when all around were looking at me you were still seeing through me, knowing what I bear inside…

A satisfied smile lit my face as I catch you stupefied by my interpretation of your unutterable feelings into plain words. Anyway your favorite reward was a pinch on my cheek.

Remember all the misty mornings you used to hold my cold hands to warm them, so affectionate you were; so happy to see me jump_ or something_ grinning wide when I see you coming with your confident steps toward me.

Hours we used to pass, losing track on time, admiring the drops of rain or reflecting about some incident we shared like one bounded mind…

All what we went through: your nerve-racking confusion, my too bitter failures, your most delicate easiness, my brightest delights…seem just a lost chapter in one of the classical novels I used to read. But no we're just so beautiful_ beyond the reach of any writer's imagination…

I guess you don't fancy yourself one of my subjects; you must be right then coz you're more significant to me than to be expressed by some awkward movements of my slender fingers. But this is the only way I managed to get as a" solace".

Your friendship_ if this is the only word dictionaries can give_ is one of the most valuable things I have. Maybe invaluable.

Though hope is slightly considered in such circumstances, I might still hope that we would always be as we were in spite of growing up, regardless to our distant destinations. You will always be my "smile" and I'll always be your "beauty" like our names would NEVER change.