"Brucey-woosy, you're tickling me!" Lorelei giggled as her boyfriend, Bruce, playfully massaged her potbelly and smelt her hair.
"I just don't wanna let you go, babe," he whispered in her ear.
"I know," she said, unable to not smile, "but I don't want my parents getting the wrong idea."
"I got'cha," he said. They got out of his car, which was parked in the Finch family's driveway and he walked her to the door. "Goodnight, my chubby-lovey-Lorelei," he said before giving her a kiss goodnight.
"Goodnight, Brucey-woosy!" Lorelei sang as she was let into her house and he got back into his car and rocketed down Lilac Dr, exhaust backfiring as he drove off, doing at least 15 over.
Lorelei Finch, now back inside her home after a date with her boyfriend, flopped down on the couch next to her mother, and her father and her brother, Evan, who were watching R.E.M. perform a new song on The Kenny Vornem Show.
"So," asked Evan, "how'd the date go, Sis?"
"Great as usual!" Lorelei beamed. "I just love Bruce. He's such a sweetheart!"
Bruce and Lorelei's relationship had started after Lori's friend, Chrome Bumper, had set them up on a 'one-eyed date' (she knew about and had a crush on him, but he was totally unaware of her existence prior to the date) and Lorelei, being noticeably overweight, tried to squeeze herself into a girdle to look thin so he would like her. But the girdle, being at least 50 years old, burst open, revealing her full figure to Bruce, who confessed that he secretly preferred bigger girls, and that seeing she was really a chubby girl only made him more attracted to her, and their relationship blossomed from there.
Lorelei's friends were also impressed. Bruce was the captain of Wacovia High's football team, and thus most popular guy at school. He told Lorelei that he had dated literally every cheerleader at Wacovia as well as a few from Westminster and other schools in the county, and not been attracted to any of them. He said it was because as a jock, he was expected to date only the most popular girls (read: cheerleaders), regardless of whether or not he actually liked them. The fact that he had confessed to being a chubby-chaser and dated Lorelei without fear of stigma vastly improved his standing in the eyes of Lorelei's friends, who previously believed him cocky and shallow.
By the time Michael Stipe and company had finished singing "Shiny Happy People", Lorelei was fast asleep on the couch. This always happened after a date with Bruce: Lorelei would come in, love-drunk, take her place on the couch, and quickly fall asleep with a peaceful smile on her face.