Push and shove. Literally. I slam into a locker, but keep walking, eyes averted as the laughing starts. It doesn't matter. I tell myself, but it does. Oh God, it does.
"Ugly." "Retard." "Loser." "Fat." "Emo." "Cutter." "Whore." The words are whispered as I pass, hitting me straight in my stomach. I keep walking, however, straight through the classroom door. I sit, forcing myself to forget the words, the bruises, to listen to the lesson, because it is the last period. I'll be free when I am safely locked away in my room. The ride home and my house are open warzones, everyone declaring me the enemy. I would rather think I'm the victim.
I fall to the ground, on my way to the pencil sharpener, tripping over a foot. More laughter. I feel it bubble inside of me, and force myself to swallow the lump in my throat, the mounting frustration. I did nothing! I want to scream. It was just a rumor. A stupid, made up rumor. That doesn't matter though. They could care less, so long as they have something to torment. They are like cats playing with their food. Relentless.
The bus is not bad, I hide everything away with a blast of music, but too soon, I am home.
"You fat bitch, go clean the kitchen! I thought I told you that yesterday." My mother screeches, as my step-father leers at me, drunk already. I nod, and rush to the kitchen, not wanting to give them more ammunition than they make up themselves. I make dinner, after making the kitchen and living room spotless, trying so hard to ignore the insults.
"Hey, stupid, do some laundry, would ya? I'm all out of socks. Hurry up! You may be a lazy bitch, but I have things to do!" My step-father stands in the door way and yells at me. Always yelling. Again, I nod, until finally I am free, running to my room.
I sit and let myself cry, making sure to get it all out so that I don't break in front of people. Music pounds in around me, but for some reason isn't enough this time. I want to scream, but can't do it in the house, so I sneak up to the roof.
I let a guttural sound out, screaming like an animal. I scream my throat raw, sobbing into my hands. It is overwhelming, I'm sinking into nothingness. Suddenly I am quiet, not sure why. There is nothing around me, everything dark, as I step to the edge. I can't figure out what brought me here, and peek over, but everything is black. I know, just then, though, what I am meant to do. I understand it with such clarity that the cavern in my heart opens wider. I close my eyes, apologizing to whatever poor soul happens upon me, and smile, forcing myself to leave with one good thing. Then I step off, free, into oblivion.