billie jean tears

lightning separated heaven
from earth, the last leaf fell
then it was december

smiling dangerously after shooting
the mimosa sunrise in the head,
midnight tasted like snowflakes and
cigarettes as fireworks illuminated the sky
and memories I buried alive crawled back up
while vodka and ice saluted my misery

you gave me a promise ring the summer
I turned seventeen, told me on bended knees
that I could keep your heart despite
the fact that all you could offer me
was forever

but the angels I used to believe in
took you away from me when
your motorcycle collided
with a speeding truck

so I left my job at the record store,
searched for love at strip clubs
and went home with strangers
to erase you from my mind

dirty-dancing with a guy I barely knew,
I sipped sweet alcohol from a test tube
and got wild at the disco
as I tried in vain to forget you

but you were the one who taught me
how to mix vodka with skittles and
store them in baby soda bottles
and we would get intoxicated with euphoria,
singing karaoke at the top of our lungs
and wake up, tangled in each other's arms

as I walked out of the club,
my vision started to become distorted
and butterflies began to throw up
by the sidewalk near the alley

a drunk middle-aged man shoved
me behind a wall and kissed me
hotly on the neck, leaving teeth marks
and bruises that were like
dashboard confessions

I resembled a disturbed french ballerina,
pirouetting inside a busted music box
that peculiarly looked like a coffin
while it played an off-key version
of debussy's claire de lune

I hung my secrets on a piece of thread,
spellbound by the way they were
suspended in space while I watched
them swing back and forth, back
and forth, their hypnotic movement leaving
imprints on my naïve mind as I stroked
my swelling belly, imagining her face with your
gingerbread smile and bottle green eyes

but she died without a name,
I drowned her lungs with
my billie jean tears

.
.
.

soundtrack:

the A team
~ ed sheeran

note: I decided to call this poem billie jean tears
simply because the idea is loosely based
on Michael Jackson's song Billie Jean
where the girl claimed him to be
the father of her child even
when it wasn't true..
as is the case of my poem wherein
she got pregnant by one of her lovers
but still considered it to be
her first love's child..